Martha would not be so proud

It's quite possible I did something over the weekend that just screams 'Not Me Monday'. I'm linking up at McMamas with this one today...the idea is to write about something you did as if you didn't. Make sense? Read on and you'll get it...

As I was preparing the marinade for Saturday night's dinner I most definitely did not leave the instruction manual and recipe booklet inside my juicers waste can and then proceed to juice six limes and three oranges. I never once wondered why the juicer seemed to be operating more slowly than normal and I absolutely did not rack my brain trying to figure out where in the world I had put that instruction manual/recipe booklet.

And I was not completely finished with the whole juicing process and ready to empty the waste can before I noticed the booklets. I didn't discover the cleaning brush needed for the basket in there too. I am never careless. Glops of pulverized lime peel were not sprayed across every.single.solitary. page of the 115 page booklet and no, of course it wasn't at all wet and sticky. Naturally I took lots of pictures because I want to remember this incident and also share it with Martha. I was given the juicer as an audience member at her show and I know she will find this funny. She is not at all a perfectionist and does crazy stuff like this in her kitchen on a regular basis too.

If all the raindrops were lemon drops and gumdrops

No, I did not just quote a Barney song in my post title. We never watched Barney when my girls were little.

Can you tell I'm trying another Not Me Monday post today?

I think they are fun to write although they confuse some of you readers out

there....the idea is to post about something that really happened but write as if it didn't.

Read along and pretend you'll understand.

We did not have a low key weekend here and it certainly has not rained every single solitary second since Friday afternoon. My husband did not go up and down the basement steps at least 847 times to be sure the walls and floor were staying dry.

Speaking of the hubs...he did not arrive home from Belgium on Friday bearing gifts. He knew I would never want a beautiful tapestry to hang on my stairwell.

Or two smaller wall hangings.

And he can never talk anyone into anything so there is no way the sales lady would have just given him two embroidered pillow tops.

And he did not go to Belgium at least once a month for the six years we lived in England yet wait until we lived on this side of the pond to actually buy a tapestry. We always plan ahead and do what is easiest.

My husband knows I don't have a sweet tooth so it would not occur to him to bring home a box of Belgian chocolates.

And of course we would definitely not break into the chocolates over the weekend because we will be with our girls for Easter and naturally they would want us to share.

And we did not once think back to last Easter when we enjoyed a sunny and

wonderful weekend in Brussels, Brugges, and Ghent.

We would never say we wish we were sitting on the square soaking up the

sunshine and a plate of moules -frites in Brussels.

A weekend of torrential rains in NJ is oh so much better.

We for sure did not go out to dinner in the middle of a monsoon Saturday night. Who does that? We did not run into a detour because the road was flooded and I would never have taken us the long way round because I have an excellent sense of direction and never need to rely on my GPS to get us anywhere. And because we've been married for 25 years hubs would not be surprised by this. He would never question my logic in planning a route. He was the driver so of course he would consult the map before we left the house.

We didn't go to a German restaurant and eat some delicious sauerbraten. And I had not been thinking all day about what wonderful German dessert I would order and then be too full to order dessert at all. I did not try pickled herring and I did not love it. And we did not once mention how the restaurant reminded us of a favorite place in Munich.

(Munich, 2004)

You know we never ever talk about life in Europe.

We are so not like a broken record.

On Sunday we did not have to wait around for Loews to deliver some shelves for the basement because the non-stop rain did not motivate us to finally get all the boxes off the floor down there. And you know when I say us I am not talking about me. Seriously.

And I did not wake up to another gray and rainy day today.

And I am not going to feel grateful because the snow piled six feet high on the edge of the driveway is now down to a measly two foot pile.

And all this rain means spring will not be beautiful and green.

And I am not an optimist.

I'm thinking bicycles

So I thought I’d try something new today and link up with a Not Me Monday post. The idea is to post about something that happened but write as if it didn’t …a little tricky to explain but you’ll understand or not as you read….

While husband and I were busy running errands and preparing for dinner guests on Saturday afternoon daughter1 most certainly did not call to tell us her sister had been in a minor traffic accident. No way! How unbelievable would that be especially since daugther1 had her own fender bender as recently as April, which definitely did not take at least 5 years off of my life.

Daughter2 did not bump fenders with another vehicle as she was exiting a busy parking lot on Saturday after another driver waved her out. All drivers know it is perfectly safe to let another driver tell you the coast is clear. And of course daughter1 was not calling to break the news because daughter 2 was too distraught to speak coherently. In our family we always react calmly to situations such as this. Naturally my heart did not skip ten or seventy beats as I listened to the news because as I said I’m cool as a cucumber when one of my children call from hundreds or thousands of miles away to tell me the car that was purchased three short weeks ago now has a hood that is misaligned.

I certainly did not call my own sister while on the verge of tears and ask if she and my brother in law could get in their own car on a busy Saturday afternoon and drive out to the accident so husband and I could have a first hand report on what constitutes ‘minor damage’. I would never ask my sister to drop whatever she was doing and drive miles out of her way just to reassure my child and also me. I am not at all emotional. In fact…I’m a rock. And my sister and brother in law would not have already been en route to the accident site when I called because they are not super nice like that. We are not at all glad they are only half an hour away from the university and we know they never ever get sick and tired of us calling and asking for favors.

And I for sure did not eat a chocolate truffle that I was wrapping for my dinner guests to take home as soon as I hung up the phone. I don’t head straight for something chocolate when I’m feeling helpless and missing my kids. In fact I don’t miss my children one tiny little bit nor do I wish for one second that I were close enough to give daughter2 a hug along with a whole plate of chocolate truffles. She hates chocolate and wouldn’t like that at all. She is 19 years old and everyone knows that 19 year old daughters never ever need hugs and kisses from mom.

Visit My Charming Kids for more Not Me Monday posts.