It's been just two months since my mama passed away and I haven't written much about it, partly because we've been busy with all the things that need doing, but also because what do you say about your mama?
Today's post is mostly about how we marked the day, but I will likely share something more personal at another time. Grief is not linear and we feel what we feel when we feel it.
My dad is buried in Arlington National Cemetery, one white stone in a row of white stones, among rows and more rows and still more rows of white stone. This site cannot help but make you feel a sense of pride and gratitude for all thats been given, sacrificed, gained and treasured.
Spouses can be buried in the same grave as their loved one, and there is something really comforting about that. My dad has been gone for more than three decades, but bringing mom here one day was always the plan.
It feels a little awkward to write about death and funerals here, but I want to remember this season and I have a blog so here is where things go.
In August we were told it might be two to three months before we would be able to have the service at Arlington so my siblings and I decided then to have a small private viewing in South Carolina right away. My older sister and I live in SC, but my brother and younger sister live up north and we all wanted to be together right then.
So they came here and we had a simple viewing at the funeral home. I cannot say enough about how wonderful the gentleman who handled our arrangements was, and really everyone we dealt with at the funeral home, including those managing logistics for the transport to Arlington.
Unprompted kindness can sometimes do me in, if you know what I mean.
We held the viewing at the funeral home and a chaplain spoke and prayed with us. He made his message so personal and so unexpectedly special and we are all still talking about how perfect it was.
After the service we all went to lunch downtown at a lovely restaurant where all the servers bent over backwards to make the whole meal feel special. My niece and her husband were able to be there too and we ordered seven desserts because our mama loved dessert. We laughed and told stories and it was such a happy sad wonderful day. We were all so glad to have made it happen.
In mid-September we were given our date and time for the Arlington service, which happened to be last Thursday. Because they do thirty services a day there you're assigned a date and a time and you make it work.
Besides the service at Arlington we wanted to host a luncheon for some of mom's friends and former neighbors. Since my sister and I would have to fly north for the service we decided to combine the luncheon with the Arlington date, and last Tuesday hubs and I, along with my sister and niece flew to Philly.
In a nutshell-I have a sister in PA, a brother in NJ, a sister and myself here in SC, and the funeral in Virginia. Even in my extended family event logistics are complicated.
My mama was quite the cookie baker, particularly at the holidays, so we decided we'd make one of her recipes and give to everyone who came to the luncheon. When I say my mom loved to bake cookies I mean she baked dozens of varieties, dozens and dozens of so many different kinds, and then she made beautiful trays to give away.
Or we'd all pick our favorite to have with a cup of afternoon tea. Sigh.
The first time hubs came home with me for Christmas and saw my mom's cookie closet (literally a walk in closet stacked with container after container of homemade cookies) he knew he'd married into the right family. My girls and I all enjoy baking at the holidays, but between the three of us we still don't make the number she did. We try!
When we got to Philly we spent the afternoon baking and packaging the cookies. It felt like something my mom would have enjoyed and appreciated and it was fun hanging out with my sisters and niece.
The luncheon was held the next day in an Italian restaurant my mom loved, on the NJ side of the bridge. My brother and sister-in-law had taken care of the details there and the food and service were wonderful. Hubs and I said we need a week in NJ to eat in all our favorite Italian places.
We had a video montage playing and a table with pictures too. I spoke first and gave the eulogy, which is what my siblings wanted, then they each shared a story or memory or something special about our mom. My niece spoke too and my nephew who was at college sent a recorded message. After the family messages we had some time for any guests who wanted to share something to do so and some did which was really special.
There were some of my mom's friends from the neighborhood and her bridge club there, the children of two of her best friends and they were our friends so it was really special having them there, and even one of my friends from summer camp who went to my mom's church, but mostly knew her through me, joined us too.
Thursday morning we loaded up the car for the approximately two to three hour trek to D.C. Daughter2 and her hubs were able to fly in for the Arlington service and I was so glad to have them there. Her in-laws were able to go to Tennessee to watch her babies which was a blessing. It was just too hard to get daughter1 there, but she kept the little brown dog for us and that was an enormous necessary help too.
The wonderful thing about Arlington is it's always there, always pristine. If you have a loved one buried there you get a lifetime pass for your car and can come and go without navigating the visitor check ins you would normally need.
If you've never been to Arlington I highly recommend.
When my dad was buried they brought the casket on a horse drawn caisson and everyone walked behind the wagon. There's a bit more to the service including a 21 gun salute. For the non-service member, family and friends follow the hearse in their own cars, but we still had the Marine guard to handle the casket. The guard matches your branch of service and my dad was a Marine.
It's a huge honor to serve in this capacity at Arlington and those chosen take the responsibility seriously. They also have to memorize an extensive amount of cemetery history, take part in grueling physical training, and spend hours making their uniforms look immaculate.
It's honestly so moving watching the care they take with your loved one, the precision of their movements, the solemnity of the day.
The military recognizes the countless ways spouses support their service member and keep family life running during times of deployment. They handle moves and transitions and time apart and that's good for the military too.
The sun shone, the sky was bright blue, the words the chaplain shared so fitting. While we know our parents are spending eternity with tbeir Savior, we children are comforted by the marker of their earthly lives here, in this sacred space called Arlington.
Linking today with Joanne for Talking About It Tuesdays
