Mmm....probably not. We've been back in the states for just over a year now. Some days it feels like we left England yesterday and some days it feels as if that life never happened. It's been a year filled with figuring out a life that is different than the one I left behind. Moving was not something new for us... we've moved a lot. And we've left behind people and places we loved every single time. But this time a whole way of living was left behind too and that, I think, has been the challenge.
I know with every move I make I need to give myself a year in order for a place to feel like home. To find doctors and dentists and the all important hair stylist. To learn the roads, the supermarkets, the shopping....to find the fun. It's probably because we have moved a lot that we tend to get out and see and do whatever there is to see and do wherever we are... life is meant to be grabbed and savored and lived. We think we'll be in this house for the next several years but we've been surprised by opportunity in the past so Carpe Diem it is.
Besides the obvious, this move has been different than previous moves in a couple of big ways, the first one being no kids living at home. When you move with school aged children, like it or not, you have to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get on with it. They need to get up and out the door in the morning. They need lunches made, dinners cooked, rides to ballet, the ball field, to have play dates and friends over. They connect with people and consequently you connect with people who are in a similar place in the parenting spectrum. Suddenly I have days to fill and very little of anything that is required. I could stay in my pjs all day every day. I could lay on the couch and watch tv all day every day. Did I mention that this move also coincided with the hormones going berserk?
Now, rest assured I don't stay in my pjs all day. And I don't lay on the couch and watch tv all day either. Some days I want to but hey, don't we all? The thing is I'm not a lay around kind of girl. I'm a person who needs to be doing. I know that some of the things I've felt this year I would have felt anyway. My kids would be off at school whether I was here or there. My big birthday would be rolling around regardless of where I was living and that's a good thing, right? And I'm pretty sure hormones are a worldwide phenomenon.
I mentally make lists of the good and the not so good. The things I loved there that aren't here and the things here that I missed there. I definitely fall into the glass half full camp in life and even though this post may make you question that I do stay focused on the good these days...for instance-
I can get in my car inside my garage without sucking in my stomach and standing sideways.
I can swing the car door all the way open without hitting another car/stone wall/person/hedge.
I never have to pull onto the verge on a two lane road in order for another car to pass while I fervently pray we don't lock side mirrors.
I can pull my car into and out of a parking space without doing a twenty five point turn.
But the roads are not charming. And I get honked at for not hitting 0-60 in .7 seconds when a traffic light changes. And people are not courteous when you are trying to pull into traffic...in fact they quite often pretend they don't see you.
I can get in my car and be at the mall in 15 minutes. Or Target. Or the library, bank, post office, supermarket. Anywhere. And when I'm there I can buy just about anything I want. And I can go any time of day or night...the shoppes don't close at 5 PM. And there are banks open seven days a week.
I have to get in my car to get anywhere. No more walking into town. Do I really need the bank to be open seven days a week?
I love my house. I love the way it sits on the lot, the colors, the ginormous closets and lots of them, my central vac, reading in my sun room, my own sink in the master bath and hubs own sink way way way over on the other side of the master bath...the counters and cabinets underneath the sinks with lots of drawers and cabinets to hold all my 'stuff', space for the pool table...oh and did I mention the closets???
Renting means when something breaks you call the landlord and say, "something is broken" and they get it fixed. And they pay for it too.
It's beautiful here. I love the woods behind our house...
I love to look out my kitchen window and see deer and fox and chipmunks and birds of every type and color and even the occasional bear.
I love the changing seasons. The autumn was so pretty here it sometimes took my breath away. And snow piled high and dripping from the trees like icing on a wedding cake...just gorgeous.
There is nothing like a big beautiful English garden.
So much happened in that English garden.
Birds hung out, fish were observed, flowers bloomed...
Bees were stalked...
croquet was played...guitars were strummed
Countless Frisbees were thrown and countless soccer balls were kicked by countless teenagers every. single. week.
Meals were eaten, newspapers were read, and naps were taken on warm sunny days.
There were no mosquitos to bother us and daylight in summertime lasted til forever.
I think of our English garden and I think of that quote by Thomas Fuller that says,
"Many things grow in a garden that were never sown there."
So very very true.
I could go and on. And on and on. Our house here feels like our house. It's comfy. It feels good to walk inside after you've been away. The town and roads have become familiar. We love the nearby big city. We've had friends for dinner. We work in the yard and have flowers blooming in pots on the deck. We do feel at home here now.
Except when we don't.
And perhaps that is part of the legacy of ex pat living...you throw your whole self into wherever you may be. You open your heart big and wide to new people, new places, new customs, new scenery, new experiences. And when you leave it a tiny little piece of you remains in that place. In this new old country, new town, new home you are almost completely yourself and at home. Except for that tiny little piece. Most days it goes unnoticed. What you do grow to realize is that while you lived away a subtle shift occurred in the way you see life and the world and most of all yourself. And after a while you realize the shift was not temporary. And you're okay with that.