The kind of expecting where you're looking forward to something happening and then it does, but not in the way you expected.
I spent this past weekend with daughter2, mostly holding baby girl who we've decided going forward will be known here as 'Sugar'. She's so sweet y'all.
Anyway, I spent almost all of my time with this little miss in my arms so daughter2 could hold her brother. He was feeling puny, wanting momma and only momma. You kind of forget what it's like to have sick kids in the house until you have sick kids in the house.
Was this our weekend plan?
No it was not. The original weekend plan was for both my girls to be in Tennessee with their littles while all of our hubs had their own obligations to tend to. I'd been looking forward to this for weeks because it's been a long while since it was just us girls (plus their 5 small children, but whatever). This was going to be both girls and me in the same place at the same time, no boys allowed.
Except for the 6 and under set of course.
Anyway, we girls were going to have some fun, take a picnic to the park, laugh a lot at all the cousins playing together in their matching cousin t-shirts, share deep thoughts and skin care products, and gab late into the night (well, later than 8:30 which is our usual bedtime when kids are in the house) for three complete whole entire days.
Didn't happen.
I did drive to daughter2's on Thursday, and daughter1 did plan to arrive with her crew on Saturday.
There's that word again-plan.
Things started off nicely. Friday morning daughter2 needed to visit the jeweler so we loaded up the baby and big brother and off we went. While my daughter was in the shop chatting about an order I was outside with the mister watching a large construction crew operate all the big equipment just across the highway. There were cranes and bulldozers, dump trucks filling and dumping, and best of all a 'digger', all making a lot of noise and moving a lot of dirt and rock. Little man was in heaven. When he waved at the digger operator the driver lifted the bucket up and down in the form of a wave back and it was the best.
We had lunch before heading home for naps, but by the time we got to the house it was apparent sweet baby J was running a fever. Bother. We finally had to tell daughter1 not to come because we certainly didn't need to share those germs with her family, and that was that. Plan blown. Expectation unmet.
What can you do?
Nothing really. Life happens and we have to adjust and move forward even when what we really want to do is stomp our feet and rail at the universe a little bit.
We don't though. We adjust and move forward. We choose to find the silver lining...the bright side...the blue sky if you will. Maybe not in the first five minutes but we do get there. We pull on our 'let's make the best of it britches' and then we do just that.
There are hours and hours of snuggles with a lapful of Sugar.
There is the same book read no less than fifteen times because sweet baby J is not his usual oh so happy self and when Nana reads '....sometimes you're happy, sometimes you're sad'...and makes a great big sad face, he laughs. Somehow my sad face makes him happy and it's pure gold.
There is sunshine. Glorious sunshine. We load everyone up in the strollers and feel the sun hit our faces and Vitamin D flood our veins and we can say with complete honesty that there is beauty in this day, this weekend, in spite of cancelled plans and unmet expectation.
After babies are tucked in tight me and my girl (just one not two, but we're making the best of it remember?) sit on the couch and watch Next Level Chef. We discuss in great detail the choices these contestants make because we both love to cook, but we talk about many, many other things too.
And suddenly, somehow, I feel grateful, not for cancelled plans, but for being right where I need to be. Lending a hand (or a lap), and having a front row seat to watch my baby girl mother her very own babies. What a gift.
There is grace for the day y'all.
For the ones that go swimmingly and the ones that fall to pieces too.