The Tender Middle

Linking today's post with Talking About It Tuesdays hosted by Joanne

We've recently moved my mom south, out of my sister's home in PA where she's lived for the past six years, and into an assisted living facility. Safety is paramount when you're in your ninth decade and that was the tipping point for all of us in making this hard decision. By all of us I mean myself and my three siblings. We've had a loose plan knowing this might someday become necessary but not going to lie, reality hits harder than you might imagine. 

I'm not going to talk too much about the process because every family has to do what's right for them. I will just say my younger sister did her homework and knew all the questions to ask. We looked at many places in two different states and between the four of us saw each one in person. 

There are so many factors to consider coupled with a lot of emotion, so if a move like this is on your radar start visiting and collecting information now. Just know that nowhere is perfect and settling in takes time. For everyone. 

I have a mishmash of thoughts I want to put into writing but the mishmash is real. Hubs has asked me a number of times this month, 'What are you thinking? I can see the wheels turning." 

Turning but not really getting anywhere. 

So what am I thinking? 

I'm thinking about how difficult it is to reach a point in life where your decisions are not your own. Not where you live or if you drive or sometimes even what you eat. 

I'm thinking about how every member of a family has feelings about how best to meet the needs of an elderly parent and how emotions run high where love, sadness, and exhaustion coexist. I'm thinking about how much grace is required in those moments. Grace given, and also grace accepted. 

How sometimes we have to do hard things we wish we didn't have to do. 

How giving an elderly parent as much independence as they can safely handle is a good thing, but knowing when too much is too much is maybe the more important thing. 

I think about everything our parents once did for us, and how that memory helps us now do for them. 

How often we frustrated them, tested their patience, wanted our own way, didn't want to be told what to do because we were certain we knew best. Suddenly that gets flipped on its head and now you're the one digging deep for patience and a gentle tone. The one trying to give in a little whenever giving in is possible. 

How you learn the parent you've known all your life is still there inside the person who now needs a walker and some help remembering the life they lived. 

There is also, somewhere in the middle of all this thinking, the unsettling realization that one day you might be that person too. The one needing all the things you're now being asked to give. 

How you will likely buck and dig in your heels because you still feel like yourself, an independent capable person who cannot imagine being anything but. 

Except now you kind of can. 

And it's a little bit frightening. 

I think about the term sandwich generation and how apt that moniker is. I'm the filling and sometimes I feel squished. 

And sometimes completely overwhelmed with love for those doing the squishing. 

I think about how I don't have the energy I had even a decade ago, yet I still have opinions and wisdom and things I want to contribute. I still want to matter. Everyone does. 

I think about how time shrinks and expands at the same time and  how I want my children to have big beautiful lives, but not forget mine as it gradually but naturally will grow smaller. 

Mostly I think about how God holds each one of our lives in the palm of His hand. How He knows the number of our days from beginning to end, and how He walks beside us through every season we encounter. 

We are never forgotten. 

Never unseen. 

We are known and loved by the One who made us. 

Young At Heart

 Rolling right along with today's letter of the day...

O is for oxymoron

'a figure of speech in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction;

a self-contradicting word or group of words'

Let's talk about aging gracefully. Is that phrase an oxymoron? From the moment we're born we're all growing older, we just seem to remark on it in a more negative way after a certain point on the birthday timeline. 

So what does it mean to age gracefully? There are of course the obvious things we all know to do like eat right, drink lots of water, exercise, and get enough sleep, but what about the less obvious, but equally important habits we need to cultivate if we want to live a grace-ful life? 

There are traits I associate with the term, and also with women I know who I think are aging gracefully, that I want reflected in my own life as I lean into this third act. Here's some of what I've observed and also what I aspire to...

have a positive outlook

laugh a lot 

forgive easily

stay curious about the world around me 

be gentle in speech and action

live with an open heart and open hand 

stay grounded

be humble

self-aware

accepting of change

grateful 

Easier said than done some days, but I'm still a work in progress. 

I read somewhere the opposite of aging gracefully would be aging poorly or prematurely, which I don't think anyone aspires to yet many end up doing just that. I like having this list written down. It's a visual reminder every day is a gift and I get to choose how I live it. 

'Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.' Psalm 90:12 

The Sweetness of Summer

Hello Friends! And strangers stopping by too. It's Monday and it's officially summer and it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. While the world feels more salty-less sweet these days, there is always sweetness to be found. Today I choose to see it. 

Sweetness is found in red ripe tomatoes on the vine-

In a friend saying come pick blueberries we've got a yard full and so you do-

It's Father's Day and you bake a blueberry pie because it's his favorite and because there is so much sweetness in a dad who loves his daughters well-

There is sweetness in an early morning kayak with a little brown dog in tow-

Always the first one ready to go-

But there's a whole lot of sweetness in the way he runs headlong into everything he does-

The boat captain is pretty sweet-

Except when he's salty. Ha! Hi hubs! Sunshine, a boat ride, and lunch in a cooler eaten side by each on a deserted island in the middle of the lake can be pretty sweet too.

And I think there's a special sort of sweetness to a soft summer rain-

Sweetness spills over in Facetime chats with daughters calling to say I love you Dad. In an almost three-year-old grandson grinning great big as he shouts 'Happy Favers Day!!' across the miles.

In the gift and beauty of each new day.

In choosing joy, not complaint. In choosing peace not rancor. In counting blessings not 'things I wanna be mad about'. In harsh words left unspoken and kind words spilled instead.

This weekend I was part of a virtual reunion via Zoom. Friends from long ago days spent as summer camp counselors on Maryland's Eastern shore. It was sweet. The then and the now. As I was writing this post the simple words to a grace we used to sing before meals kept rolling through my brain...

'For health and strength and daily bread we praise Thy name O Lord...'

Sweetness abounds and today I choose to see it. 

Hey Hodgepodge Peeps!

Welcome to the Wednesday Hodgepodge! I hope everyone is staying well and coping with this strange season we're experiencing together apart. If you're looking for my A-Z post on today's letter (G) you'll find it by clicking the link here.

Everyone is invited to join the Hodgepodge. Answer the questions on your own blog, then hop back here and add your link at the bottom of my post. Don't forget to copy the button code on my sidebar and include it somewhere in your post so your readers can join the party too. And go say hi to whoever linked before you because that's what good neighbors do.

Here we go-

1. How will you celebrate Easter this year?

Well. Hmmm. It will be different in terms of no big family dinner on the fancy china in the dining room. No Easter baskets on the kitchen table first thing in the morning.  No family sitting side by each on a church pew singing my favorite '...up from the grave He arose, with a  mighty triumph o'er His foes...' but...

Easter, 1996

BUT! It's Easter! Whether any of the above happens or not Easter morning still dawns, bringing with it all the hope our hearts can hold.

 Hubs and I will have our coffee at the kitchen table, logged in to a Zoom call with our Sunday School class. We'll have a nice meal at some point although I'm not sure yet exactly what we'll be eating. We'll count our blessings and be thankful for the gift of this new day, the significance of Easter, and the grace, hope, and peace offered to each one of us through the death and resurrection of God's only Son. 

2. Is it easier for you to receive grace offered or extend grace to another? Explain.

My answer would probably vary depending on the circumstances. If we're talking about the human state of being thoughtful and considerate I find that fairly easy. It is a little harder for me to be gracious when I feel like the offender should know better, but I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and remind myself everyone has something they're dealing with.  

I'm grateful every day for God's grace. I'm sure He thinks quite often I should know better too. 

3. Do you say grace before meals? If so do you have a standard dinnertime grace or is it more 'off the cuff' ? Do you say grace when dining out? Do you have a favorite grace? Any special memory associated with 'saying grace'?

We always say grace before dinner at home, and we always hold hands when we pray. We have never made it a practice to say grace when we're in a restaurant, but where we live now it's common to see people praying while dining out. I'm okay with it if I'm in a group that wants to say a blessing before we eat in a restaurant. 

We don't have a standard/rote grace we say...ours is definitely off the cuff, or perhaps from the heart would be more accurate. 

As far as memories go one thing that springs to mind is summers spent at camp. Everyone filing in to the dining hall, counselors at the end of the table with their campers on either side...the 'chief' in charge would have us all sing, for lack of a better term, 'a dining room song' before we said grace. These songs were short choruses focused on gratitude and I still love singing them today...'Come and dine the master calleth come and dine...you may feast at Jesus table any time...He who fed the multitude, turned the water into wine, to the hungry calleth now come and dine.'

And then there's my grandson. The mancub. He is fascinated by the concept of saying grace, and holds out his hands for the people beside him to grab. Then we bow our heads, except he peeks and his eyes sparkle and he grins as he looks around the table at everyone gathered there. Completely precious. 

I might peek too.  

4. What are some challenges you think the next generation will face? (Generation Alpha-born between 2011 and 2025)

I think they're going to be smart, perhaps the brightest generation yet. Completely comfortable with all sorts of technology that doesn't even exist in 2020. Connected in all sorts of ways, but hopefully still occasionally in person. Will we ever lose our need for face-to-face conversations? I hope not. 

I imagine Generation Alpha will face the usual challenges though, challenges every generation has faced...how to get along with your fellow man and those living in your own home, how to spend/use their time-money-talents, how to make the world a better place...

Time and technology move forward with alarming speed, but we humans are still human. 

5. Share a favorite quote or lyric featuring the word faith.

'Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible' 

Corrie Ten Boom

6.  Insert your own random thought here.

These are my peeps. 

The originals. 

Easter memories from my childhood are all wrapped up with these kids. New dresses...white gloves...chocolate bunnies in wicker baskets...a photo after church...a baked ham dinner eaten on the good china, and enough love to make the world go round...

Wishing you all a joyous Easter Day! 

Two For The Price Of One

I've gone back and forth about how best to handle these next two letters. Somehow my blog has gone from almost no content to a flood of posting, which is a good thing but does require a bit of managing.

Some weeks I may combine my Wednesday letter with the Wednesday Hodgepodge, but mostly I think I want to keep them as separate entries, which means two posts on Tuesdays and two posts on Wednesdays. That's a lot for me, even with all this 'free time'.

You probably don't need to know all this, but writing it down helps me see what makes the most sense. This week I think what makes the most sense is writing a single post combining the letters F and G (you'll find this week's Hodgepodge questions in the post before this one).

I gave those letters to my sister and brother-in-law and they sent me their words separately, but were definitely thinking alike. In my mind these two words go hand in hand so I'm going to put them in a single post. Plus it's Easter week which also relates so you're getting a bargain here today.

Day 6-F is for Faith

Day 7-G is for Grace 

I'm just going to put this out there. Most of my posts are not that deep. Ha! Just keepin' it real. They are meaty in their own way, and I do like to make people think, but they're not deep in the way some writers are deep. My blog is more of a 'hey I feel the same way' kind of blog and I'm okay with that. More than okay because those are the kinds of blog posts I like to read too. 

But then there are words that don't feel light. Or don't feel like they should be written about lightly, and faith and grace are two such words. 

I don't classify myself as a Christian writer although I am a Christian and I do write. But I'm not the person who is going to delve into scripture on my blog and tell you what it means, or dissect difficult passages of the Bible, etc. What I like to write, and what I think people relate to here, is when I tell my own story. Share my own experiences in the everyday ordinary of life. 

Faith and grace are part of my story. 

Honestly in the crazy-mixed up-confusing world we're all living in today it's faith in the God who laid the foundations of the earth that keeps me grounded and hopeful. I'm fortunate to have grown up in a home where my parents taught me at an early age to 'cast my cares on Him'. To treat others the way I would like to be treated myself. 

To accept grace that's been freely given and extend grace freely in return. 

Grace is love shown to the un-lovely. The undeserving. The short tempered, the rude, the mean-spirited people we encounter online and less than six feet away from us in a store queue. 

Less judgement more grace because everybody has a story. 

When the world is topsy turvy (and can we all agree that's the case right now?) when the ground shifts daily and the waves crash round we reach for an anchor. 

Faith is my anchor. 

Grace is the hand lifting me up saying come stand here. 

The ground is solid and there's no need to fear.

Easter is where faith and grace collide. Intersect. Are woven together for eternity. 

Easter is what makes it real and true and ours. 

Hodgepodge Questions-Volume 363

Here are the questions to this week's Wednesday Hodgepodge. Answer on your own blog, then hop back here tomorrow to share answers with all your friends and neighbors. From a safe distance of course!

1. How will you celebrate Easter this year?

2. Is it easier for you to receive grace offered or extend grace to another? Explain.

3. Do you say grace before meals? If so do you have a standard dinnertime grace or is it more 'off the cuff' ? Do you say grace when dining out? Do you have a favorite grace? Any special memory associated with 'saying grace'?

4. What are some challenges you think the next generation will face? (Generation Alpha-born between 2011 and 2025)

5. Share a favorite quote or lyric featuring the word faith.

6.  Insert your own random thought here.