Winds Will Blow

Blogging these days feels tricky. While we like to say everyone is entitled to their opinion it doesn’t actually feel like everyone is entitled to their opinion. At least not opinions that run contrary to the strange new world in which we live.

I like my space here and I especially like the tone. I like that people feel welcome here because they are. Sometimes people who know me in real life ask me to write about current events and I mostly decline because the world is already too noisy and I don't want to add to it. There are exceptions and I guess today might be one of those. 

When I started thinking about my A-Z challenge posts I knew I wanted to write both for and about my grandchildren, and the first thing that popped into my head was today’s letter. Which seemed obvious...

B is for Boys

And then I had all these second thoughts because it feels like we’re off the cliff and falling fast when it comes to talking anything gender. It feels impossible not to stir people up even when you’re not trying to stir people up. 

For the record I am never one to stir people up.  

At the same time, things are happening today that I find confusing, and the speed with which they're happening is truly alarming.  

I raised daughters. And now I have grandsons. When daughter1 announced 'It's A Boy' I remember a huge smile spreading across my face and only feeling a teensy bit panicked on the inside. A boy? What do I do with a boy? Girls are what I know. Tea parties and hair ribbons. American Girl Dolls and lots and lots of words and emotion spilling out and over everywhere. 

I know that's all completely un-pc to say in 2021, but in our house it was also very true. 

I want to write this down. I want my girls and my grands to know they should always hold up what the world is saying next to what God has said, and when those two things don't line up go with God. I know there are very many people today who don't believe in God, don't believe the Bible is full of truth and for our benefit, who don't accept or don't want to accept it holds the answer to every single question the universe might ask, but I do. 

I believe He made us deliberately and, by grand and glorious design, to be different. Somehow we've come to see this as a bad thing, something that needs correcting, when in fact I would say it's a truly marvelous thing. 

Why do we suddenly want the human race to be homogenous? 

I'm not quite sure how we got here, to a place where it's become necessary to completely change our vocabulary, to identify what you think you are, and if you don't watch out. Is our gender really based on what we declare it to be in words, in how we feel in various seasons of our life? Or is it based in how we're made? In the literal fiber of our being...our chromosomes and DNA? 

I have tremendous compassion for young people struggling with truly hard stuff, for children making decisions that will alter their futures in ways they don't even know and can't begin to see or understand. For the pressures and anxiety social media brings into their lives. And I feel so deeply for parents trying to navigate these very sensitive issues with their hurting children. I would also say it helps no one to deny or ignore the most basic science there is. 

Am I a girl or a boy? 

Intricately and with purpose woven into each one of us before we draw our first breath.  

"For You formed my inward parts; 
You knitted me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13

Sometimes when I blog I imagine my little grandboys all grown up, maybe picking up my blog book and reading what Nana thought about the world in which she lived. I imagine when another 20 years go by, the world they live in as adults will look quite differently than it does today. I want them to know that no matter what man can conceive or be deceived by, God is still and ever the One who spoke the very universe into existence. 

"So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; 
male and female He created them." Genesis 1:27 

I pray every day for my grandsons parents. I pray God grants them wisdom, humor, grace, and patience as they raise these tiny humans into full grown men. I pray they embrace the privilege of parenting in every season, that they never shrink back from having hard conversations, leading by example, and pointing their children to the truth. 

I pray too for these darling boys who love their trains and their planes and wrestling each other to the ground. I pray they grow to be men of courage and conviction. Tender hearted and slow to anger. Strong, generous, and compassionate. 

To be who God created them to be.
Men who stand firm in their faith when the winds of this world blow. 

Hodgepodge Take Out

Welcome Peeps! It's time for the Wednesday Hodgepodge. If you've answered this week's questions add your link at the end of my post. Be sure to leave a comment for the blogger before you because that's what makes a blog hop hop. Here we go-

1. What's a word that describes your life? A word you wish described your life?

A word that describes my life? Full.

A word I wish described my life? Accomplished. 

2. Back in my day we___________________________________?

...had to wait one whole entire week to watch the next episode in a TV series. 

3. When it comes to takeout are you more likely to opt for Italian, Mexican, or Chinese food? Does a typical week at your house include takeout?

We don't do a lot of takeout here because we live a long way from any place that would make the take out option convenient. We've never done Mexican takeout. I do like Chinese takeout, but as I said that's not a great option here. We do Italian every once in a blue moon, but honestly it's just easier to eat in a restaurant. By the time we bring takeout home it's cold which means reheating and eh, that's not my thing. 

4. Think about the people you most respect. What is it about them that earned your respect?

I think without exception it would be their high integrity. Oftentimes it's also their brains and/or skill in a particular area, a strong work ethic, and the way they treat others in addition to integrity, but never without it. If a person lacks integrity I will struggle with respect. 

5. What's something your friends might see and say is 'so you'?

British stuff, hedgehog stuff, lake life stuff to name just a few. Also I felt like I needed to look up an official definition of the word 'stuff' so I did, and it totally works for me here. 

6.  Insert your own random thought here.

Happy Easter everyone! Love wins-

Perception

When my daughter2 was in the 6th grade she got into some sort of very minor mischief at school, and as a consequence had to eat her lunch one day at a 'special table' up on the stage. Mischief sounds far more ominous than what actually occurred, and in fact I cannot recall now what even happened. I feel certain it involved talking when she shouldn't have been talking, but I think there may have been some hurt feelings along the way too.  

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is this-I found out. To this day my now grown up daughter doesn't know how I found out, but I think we can all acknowledge mothers have their ways.

She had never been in any trouble at school, and while the action was very minor my concern was the bigger picture. One bad decision often leads to another bad decision and that's a lesson some of us never seem to learn. I needed my daughter to understand that we make choices and there are always consequences, for good or ill, to the choices we make. I also wanted her to understand that when the people we interact with on a daily basis are making bad decisions, doing/saying nothing is every bit as much a choice as agreement. I don't want my children doing nothing when they can do something.

When my daughter came home from school that day she carried on as if nothing had happened, so I casually asked, 'Did anything interesting happen at school today?' She gave me some bit of unimportant trivia as middle schoolers and errant politicians are apt to do, but then I looked her in the eye and asked again, "Did anything happen at school today that you'd like to tell me about?"

She thought I knew, suspected but couldn't be sure, and I could see the wheels turning....'How could she possibly know?' 'Did the school call?" 'Why would the school call over something so trivial?' 'Does she really know or is it just my guilty conscience?'

As the wheels spun I added, "Think really hard before you answer."

We've all been there, standing in my daughter's shoes in front of a parent, a boss, a taxpaying citizen of the United States, and run through our list of possible responses. Why is our first instinct almost always for denial instead of the simple or sometimes complicated truth?

My daughter weighed her options, put her head down, and spit out the facts.

More than ten years have passed since that day, and while I don't remember the details of what led to our face to face, I do remember this-she didn't deny it. It was only in facing the cold hard facts that we were able to have an honest conversation. We looked at what led up to her making a bad decision, and how to avoid that the next time she's in a similar situation. There was genuine remorse on her part, and genuine forgiveness on mine.

Forgiveness comes so much easier when we deal in truths. When we don't have to wade through what is real and what isn't, what we can believe and what is being said to make a situation look less awful than it actually is.

Partly what led to the day's misfortune was the particular small group of girls my daughter had decided to hang with that day. They weren't her close friends, they were a handful of girls known to all the moms (and staff) in her grade as girls who tested the limits at every turn.  My daughter was invited to sit with them that day, and while she told me she didn't actually do whatever it was they were punished for, she was guilty by association.

My daughter did try to tell me that what she got in trouble for wasn't nearly as bad as what X got in trouble for. Ha-does any parent ever buy that defense? My reply to that line is always the same...just because someone else did something you see as far worse does not mean what you did wasn't also wrong. We don't hold ourselves up to the lowest common denominator.

Note to 11 year old girls and people entrusted with our country's security, finances, and most of all, our trust-who you surround yourself with matters.  

We talked that day about what my girls will tell you is one of my favorite, and most used words in parenting, and in leadership-perception. 

It matters.

It matters when you're an eleven year old girl opting to throw your lot in with girls you know are on a teacher's radar, and it matters when you're the President of the United States and things are spiraling in a thousand downward directions around you.

I don't care if you're running a multi-million dollar corporation, the United States of America, or the local PTA...when you're the one in charge perception matters. You are it. The one. Where the buck stops whether you like it or not, asked for it or not, deserve it or not.

The one word I want most associated with my children and my husband and most of all, the leader of my country, is integrity. That word is defined as 'adherence to moral and ethical principles, soundness of moral character, honesty'. If a leader lacks integrity, what good is he/she?

Standing in my kitchen that day, in spite of my annoyance, something pricked at my heart. I realized that while I wasn't proud of what led us to the little tete-a-tete, I loved and respected my daughter's willingness to tell the truth. She owned up to her part in whatever happened, claimed responsibility for a bad decision, and for allowing the people around her to carry on without saying, 'hey that's not right'.

Our President and much of his staff could learn a thing or two from an eleven year old girl brave enough to stand eye ball to eye ball with a disappointed mother. 

F is for Fathers

From the time I was a little girl I knew I wanted to be a mother one day. Mothering is something that comes naturally to me, and I can honestly say I've enjoyed every stage of parenting experienced thus far except of course that 7th grade year.

One of the things I've appreciated most about this 'job' called parenting, has been my hubs. We absolutely approach life differently, but are rock solid together on what's truly important. We are in sync when it comes to our values and our goals, and what exactly we want poured into our children before they fly the coop.

fyi-they've more or less flown the coop.

I know there are so many moms and dads out there going it alone, often not by choice, who have to deal with cranky toddlers and surly teens all by themselves. I feel for them, because this parenting thing?  It's not always smooth sailing.

It helps to have someone to bounce things off of, someone to offer an alternative point of view, to be the voice of reason when hormones or too little sleep rule the day. A husband who tells you you're a good mother when you've said or done something that has you wondering why you ever thought you should be in charge of an actual human.

I won't quote all the studies that show the tremendous impact a father can have on his daughter's emotional and physical health, but they're out there for the googling. Suffice it to say that girls often form opinions about men in general at an early age based on how they were treated by their fathers.  Daughters also observe the way their father treats their mother, and very often this is the template they follow in their own relationships later in life.

My girls are close to their dad, and he thinks they hung the moon. Since we've landed on the letter F in the A-Z today, I thought I'd share five things my hubs has done for his daughters that I consider to be fabulous.

1.  He brings the Fun.  Yes, with a capital F.  Seriously, it's a gift.

Hubs can make anything fun, and when it comes to raising children, that my friends, is a talent worth its weight in gold.

2.  He's fearless in all the ways that count.

Killing spiders of the jumbo variety? Check.
Eager to try new things? Check.
Living in a houseful of women? Check.

3.  He flies right.

Integrity is a word you don't often hear anymore, but hubs has integrity. He's set a good example for his daughters, one of hard work and doing the right thing.

4.  He flirts with their mother.

It matters.
Just sayin'.

5.  His love is unfailing.

He would literally throw himself in front of a speeding train, run into a burning building, or give an old-fashioned talkin' to, to any fella who treated his girls in a manner less than they deserve. The love he has for his daughters has not wavered since they drew their first breath. Before they drew their first breath.

He looks at his 20-something young adult children and still sees the pony-tailed girls of yesteryear. He longs to keep them close...to never let a single thing hurt them...to keep life's cruelties at bay. He knows that isn't always possible or even always good, so he bites his lip and smiles. He says you are awesome and smart and beautiful.

He says dream big dreams, go for it, you can do it.

And so they do.

Listen to your mother

Do you watch the news?

Do you follow politics?

Do you try to keep up with all that is happening in our government?

Does your head ever feel like it might explode?

Good. I'm not the only one.

I listen to the news. I have my favorite station like most people but I change it up now and then. I think it's good to see what different sources are reporting. I feel like that's become especially important in recent years because news has somehow morphed into something subjective.

Remember when we got the news without commentary?

Without eighteen talking heads weighing in on everysinglesolitary word that is uttered in Washington?

Have y'all heard about health care reform?

Calm down. I jest.

You might not know this but I first started toying with the idea of blogging sometime around the last Presidential election cycle. I guess I dished out my own commentary often enough for my husband to repeatedly say I should start a blog.

Did you know I have a lot of opinions?

When I started blogging I figured I'd introduce myself and then I'd talk issues. Somehow though I ended up talking about England. And travel. And the empty nest. And a whole lot of random. And I loved it. It was nice. I like nice. Bringing politics into the 'nice' didn't seem like a fit. So I didn't. And I won't. Occasionally a snarky comment slips thru the editor.

Or my head really does feel like it will explode and all the words must go somewhere.

Hello words.

I'm not going to go into a political rant here.

Well, maybe just a little.

Have you heard about health care reform?

Kidding!

Kind of.

Every now and then I hear something and I think to myself, 'I have an opinion and somebody needs to hear it'. Today is one of those days...

I read alot. ALOT people. I listen. I enjoy learning. I try to keep up with what is going on in the world. I'm not unintelligent. Hey, I work crossword puzzles. But, sometimes I feel like I cannot express my point of view eloquently so I keep quiet. Plus I absolutely detest confrontation. I'm the third born child in my family and I'm pretty sure we're all peacemakers aren't we? Oh I can give my husband an earful. He and I are the same shade of political color though so it's kind of like preaching to the choir.

Today I heard a political figure make a remark which I have heard uttered several times by several different people in the past week or so but for some reason today when I heard it for the umpteenth time I kind of wanted to leap thru the car radio and shake someone. And then I remembered I had a blog and it's the perfect platform for scolding don't you think?

And today it is Party A talking trash but tomorrow it could just as easily be Party B and applies no matter if you are red, white or blue.

Dear Mr. Politician,

You are the latest in a long line of people who have uttered the expression 'Well, the 'other party' did it. And they did it more than once!' when you were questioned about the advisability of using reconciliation. You are not the first to say it and I'm fairly certain you won't be the last.

Do you have children Sir? Because when I heard your excuse answer I immediately thought of a five year old child getting caught in something that as a parent I might consider 'ethically questionable'. And if upon questioning my child responded with, 'Well, Susie did it first' I want you to know I would not reply with, 'well alrighty then...I guess that makes it okay.'

My child would be on the naughty step. Or copying verses in longhand from the book of Proverbs. Or something. They for sure would get a 'talking to' and that talking to would be a gentle reminder of a few truths our family holds dear. So for a minute please just think of me as your mother. Or a member of the voting public.

Just because 'everyone else is doing something' or has done it in the past doesn't make it right.
Do I really need to explain this to a grown man?

Remember who you answer to. My child answers to me, and to the God who made her.
Coincidentally so do you.

Act always with the utmost integrity. Do not be swayed by whichever way the wind blows.

Or the latest Gallup poll.

Take personal responsibility for your actions.
For good or bad, actions have consequences.
Stop placing blame and making excuses.

People respect honesty, even people who disagree.
People respect honesty, even people who disagree.

Really Washington...grow up.

The world and my children are watching.

Whew.

I feel better.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled blog.