Words and Time and Memory

When you don't blog in real time real time flies right on by. 

It's hard to go back and write about simple things that weeks ago brought joy when time is racing forward. When the wider world is screaming in war and heartbreak. Why even bother? 

I was chatting with someone recently who didn't know I had this little corner of the internet, and when I explained what my blog was she asked, 'So what's the purpose'? She wasn't asking in a snotty way, she was genuinely curious about the point of it all. 

I struggled to answer in the moment, but have given it a lot of thought since, and here's where I land-there is no point. Ha! Actually there are many many points. This blog is a place for all my many words to rest and jumbled thoughts to put themselves in order. It's a place to record what life looks like in this time and this place and also remember what life was like in other seasons, cities, stages of parenting and how a family is growing, stretching, and changing. It's mainly a place I love to visit from time to time to see how God has worked, protected, and walked with me down many a winding road. 

If there's one thing growing older has taught me it's that while the 'big milestones' in our lives will likely remain etched in memory, the small, ordinary, often achingly beautiful ones do not. Blogging allows me to record what would likely be lost, but is oh so worth remembering. 

This was not where I was going when I opened my computer today, but here we are. Blogging ala stream of consciousness which is not unusual here. 

What I was thinking about today was a big ol' photo dump to bring things current, so let's do that too. Maybe a downsized photo dump since this is a little on the long side (also not unusual here). 

Recently...

There was a gorgeous hike on a blue sky day-

Fun with friends at a Steely Dan Tribute band concert-

Peace, quiet, and coffee with the morning sunrise-

The lazy dog days of autumn-

Boat rides that sparkle-

Punkins-

Sister time-

Teenage nephew photo bombing sister time-

Momma time-

And so much beauty in the changing colors of fall-

I read back through this post and smile. Small joys. Beauty. People I love. Ordinary days full of goodness and grace. 

I know blogging isn't for everyone, but it's still for me. 

'For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven...'

Ecclesiastes 3:1 

Just Gimme Five Minutes

Given the way my blog has nosedived in terms of frequency, content, and pretty much everything, it might seem crazy to sign up for a 31-day writing challenge, but here I go anyway. Every October the 31 Days Challenge rolls around, and I'm usually so busy I don't notice in time to do anything about it. This year though? This year I'm on it.

Not really, because I just committed this morning, but from today forward I'm on it. I miss blogging regularly and sometimes the best way back is found not by dipping your toe in the shallow end, but with a cannonball off the high dive.

31 Days of posting.
One post every single solitary day during the month of October.
Why not?

I know a lot of people have themes and likely have a few posts all ready to go, but I've decided on a different path. I used to love participating in the 5-minute Friday weekly linkup, and like so many things here on the blog, that too has fallen by the wayside. The hostess of 5-minute Friday (Kate at Heading Home) has kindly come up with a list of 31 one-word prompts, one for each day of the challenge, and surely I can manage 5 minutes of writing every day?

It's that every day thing that throws me.
Also, brevity. Not my forte.

Still, I'm going to try, and if you're participating too, let me know and I'll follow along.
Here goes something-

Day 1-Calling

The word is loaded. I think most of us feel pressured into defining our calling, and feel lost if we're unable to clearly articulate what that might be. If you're a 55-year old woman whose children are grown up living the independent lives you raised them to live, then this question of what is your calling can alternately stump and/or depress you.

I looked up the word, because I wondered how the definition differs from purpose, and the difference is subtle. Calling can be as simple as a profession or career, but can also be something you feel is divinely inspired.

In my adult life I've worked and not worked. I've been a speech pathologist, preschool teacher, kindergarten teacher, and the Director of a church preschool/kindergarten. I've held numerous volunteer positions, some of which required more man hours than all the paying jobs I've had put together. And I've been a mother. I am a mother. Mother is the hat I feel born to wear, and the one I'm most comfortable in. The one that is at the heart of who I am, but is not the only thing I am.

None of us want to be defined by a singular term, but if I'm remembered one day only as a mother I'm really okay with that. Of all the things I've been called to do in my life, motherhood is my favorite.

Back to my calling. My life has not been static. I've moved a lot, and as a result opportunities for change have come my way on a regular basis. My calling is to walk through the doors God opens with a willing and eager heart. To follow where He leads and bloom where He plants me. That may involve a job outside the home or not. It may involve a season of quiet reflection and learning or one of packed calendars and feeling there aren't enough hours in the day. It may involve giving my time and experience to a large community or church endeavor or it might mean having a cup of coffee and warm conversation with a neighbor needing a friend.

There are people who I think are called to very specific demanding careers, but that's not my calling. Mine has always felt a bit more ordinary, and do you know what I've learned?

I've learned that God takes the ordinary and He makes it extraordinary.
He never quits calling us to live the life He sets before us.

The gift of now

The deer danced a ballet thru my yard on Wednesday night.

I didn't see it happen but they left their hoof prints in the clean white snow.

I love the way their paths crisscross.

Some went up into the woods on the left...

others on the right...

And two made their bed right here in the middle of our front yard.

It appears there may have been a scuffle to see who would get the spot closest to the house.

I imagine there was some head butting involved.

While I was investigating, my big beautiful hawk stopped to watch.

Look hard and you'll see him in the middle of the tree. (You can click on the picture for a better look). Technically he isn't 'mine' but he lives in the treetops around our house so we claim him as ours. He is enormous when he spreads his wings but is shy around the camera so this is as close as I could get. He is beautiful.

It's been a tough week hasn't it?

I like to keep my blog light hearted but sometimes I am overwhelmed by all the sadness in this world.

I'm trying to read through the Bible this year in chronological order which means right now I'm in the book of Job. I have to say it's a hard book to read. There are some books of the bible I like to read over and over again but I tend to avoid the book of Job. Reading Job reminds me that bad things happen to good people. People like Job.

And innocent little girls in Arizona.

And moms who blog.

A popular blogger and author (Joanne at The Simple Wife) suffered a major stroke this week. She is not even 40 years old and has two young daughters. I don't know Joanne personally but I really enjoy her writing and her story has touched many. Her condition remains very serious and I know her family appreciates your prayers.

So many times when we hear about something awful happening we somehow take comfort in the idea that it could never happen to us.

But not this...this could happen to us, to anyone.

All week I've been thinking about how much we all count on having tomorrow.

We are so sure we'll have tomorrow.

We say later...tomorrow...to so much of life.

Later I'll do it. Tomorrow is the day I'll get to it. Tomorrow I will start fresh...

do better, work harder, be kinder to my husband, more patient with my children, more patient with the people I meet as I go about my day... more diligent in living a purpose filled life.

But then tomorrow comes and then another tomorrow and we carry on as if there is always tomorrow.

Until something comes along and reminds us differently and only then it seems

do we really step back and take stock of how we are spending the days and hours and minutes of our own lives.

It's Friday.

A new day.

A clean slate.

Full of hours and minutes and moments.

Full of God's grace and forgiveness.

Full of possibility and opportunity and hope.

A gift.

A gift meant not to be squandered or wasted but instead,

opened and savored and used.

What will I do with today?

Whatever it is, I want it to be on purpose.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

thoughts on the weekend, getting older and becoming a radical

Warning: I have a lot on my mind and that's not always a good thing when it comes to my blog.

Here's the thing...my blog is not really a super serious place. There are moments of meaningful thought and a lot of emotion is expressed here but in general my blog is light and fluffy. And that's okay. I read a few blogs that I consider 'deep' and sometimes light and fluffy is a welcome relief. However, when I do want to write something more serious I tend to be misunderstood. I get comments from people wanting to encourage me and cheer me up which I love but which sometimes make me feel like I missed making my point. Or my hubs will dole out a 'get a grip speech' which I sometimes need and can appreciate but I'm not needing that today. Today I just need to put some of these thoughts into written words.

With all that being said, I'm going to try to tell you more today about what's on my mind besides how I spent my weekend. Scintillating as that always is.

I'm celebrating a birthday on Saturday. A pretty big birthday. And I'm feeling kind of eh. I mean, my hubs has some sort of surprise plans for the day which involve me packing an overnite bag and I know there will be lots of fun and special and wonderful happening around here. When I say I'm feeling eh I don't mean about how my family will work to make the day nice, I mean something more.

Do you spend much time thinking about the meaning of life? Seriously? I would like to know your answer. Because lately I've been thinking about it a lot. I suspect if you have very young children at home your answer is no. Life is busy and getting thru the day with everyone fed, clothed, schooled, bathed and loved pretty much takes up most of the space in your brain. But I'm at a different place in my life. And birthdays are a good time for reflecting, right?

I think a few things have occurred recently to get my brain a-swirling...

There was 9-11. And 9-11 always makes me think about the first time in my adult life I smacked head long into evil in this world and it also involved terrorism and senseless death and airplanes. My neighbors. Fifteen years of neighborliness. Friends. Aside from my own mother I don't think anyone influenced my idea of who I wanted to be as a mother more than the mom who lived next door. I loved that family. They moved to London one summer. And just a few short months later on a clear December day that dad, and that mom, and their two beautiful young daughters boarded a plane in London to return to the US for Christmas. That plane came to be known as Pan Am 103 or The Lockerbie Jet. In an eyeblink the world tilted. Why? Over 20 years have come and gone and I cannot answer that question. But I think about it sometimes. And always especially on 9-11.

Guatemala. More specifically Ann Voskamp's blog posts from Guatemala. I've always loved her blog because most days it is like a sea of calm, cool, rest amidst the clanging of the internet. Her writing is beautiful and poetic. And this past week she traveled with Compassion International to Guatemala and I've been reading her posts and I dare you to read them and not shed a tear. Cry, you say? Well then maybe you shouldn't read them Joyce. But I can't not read them. They remind me that there are people in this world whose tin houses are stuck into a hillside that slips away without warning and whose children are recruited by drug lords at the tender age of 7. People who need hope. And food and clothing and water. But most of all hope. The weight of that thought presses in on me and makes me want to act.

Radical. It's a book. A New York Times bestseller that a lot of people are reading including me. Its the type of book that is sometimes called 'jumping on a bandwagon' but sometimes there's a reason why people jump on a bandwagon. I don't agree with everything the author has to say but he does make some really thought provoking and down right uncomfortable points about what we have as Americans and what we do with what we have. As I sip tea in my warm cozy house with a hearty meal on the stove and I write on my nearly brand new Mac about a blog post that tells of little children climbing a hill to outrun a mudslide I cannot help but see the contradiction. Can't we all?

If you know me in person I'm pretty sure radical is not the word that would instantly pop into your head if someone asked you to describe me. But as I roll into a new decade on Saturday I'm kind of wishing it was. I think I need a little bit more radical in my life.

I re-read this many times and debated if I should actually hit publish. I'm thinking out loud, trying to make certain opportunity is not sitting squarely in front of me and I'm too caught up in the superficial to miss the meaningful. I'm just having a birthday and thinking about the meaning of life. About how I can make a difference in a world filled with hungry children and devastating poverty and evil in all its many forms. In this new decade, how do I live a more radical life?

Okay, no worries...while I'm sure you all appreciated this little peek inside my head it will be back to your regularly scheduled nonsense here tomorrow. My usual writing is light with a side of deep for anyone who might be looking.

You know...sometimes it is worth looking.