The Tender Middle

Linking today's post with Talking About It Tuesdays hosted by Joanne

We've recently moved my mom south, out of my sister's home in PA where she's lived for the past six years, and into an assisted living facility. Safety is paramount when you're in your ninth decade and that was the tipping point for all of us in making this hard decision. By all of us I mean myself and my three siblings. We've had a loose plan knowing this might someday become necessary but not going to lie, reality hits harder than you might imagine. 

I'm not going to talk too much about the process because every family has to do what's right for them. I will just say my younger sister did her homework and knew all the questions to ask. We looked at many places in two different states and between the four of us saw each one in person. 

There are so many factors to consider coupled with a lot of emotion, so if a move like this is on your radar start visiting and collecting information now. Just know that nowhere is perfect and settling in takes time. For everyone. 

I have a mishmash of thoughts I want to put into writing but the mishmash is real. Hubs has asked me a number of times this month, 'What are you thinking? I can see the wheels turning." 

Turning but not really getting anywhere. 

So what am I thinking? 

I'm thinking about how difficult it is to reach a point in life where your decisions are not your own. Not where you live or if you drive or sometimes even what you eat. 

I'm thinking about how every member of a family has feelings about how best to meet the needs of an elderly parent and how emotions run high where love, sadness, and exhaustion coexist. I'm thinking about how much grace is required in those moments. Grace given, and also grace accepted. 

How sometimes we have to do hard things we wish we didn't have to do. 

How giving an elderly parent as much independence as they can safely handle is a good thing, but knowing when too much is too much is maybe the more important thing. 

I think about everything our parents once did for us, and how that memory helps us now do for them. 

How often we frustrated them, tested their patience, wanted our own way, didn't want to be told what to do because we were certain we knew best. Suddenly that gets flipped on its head and now you're the one digging deep for patience and a gentle tone. The one trying to give in a little whenever giving in is possible. 

How you learn the parent you've known all your life is still there inside the person who now needs a walker and some help remembering the life they lived. 

There is also, somewhere in the middle of all this thinking, the unsettling realization that one day you might be that person too. The one needing all the things you're now being asked to give. 

How you will likely buck and dig in your heels because you still feel like yourself, an independent capable person who cannot imagine being anything but. 

Except now you kind of can. 

And it's a little bit frightening. 

I think about the term sandwich generation and how apt that moniker is. I'm the filling and sometimes I feel squished. 

And sometimes completely overwhelmed with love for those doing the squishing. 

I think about how I don't have the energy I had even a decade ago, yet I still have opinions and wisdom and things I want to contribute. I still want to matter. Everyone does. 

I think about how time shrinks and expands at the same time and  how I want my children to have big beautiful lives, but not forget mine as it gradually but naturally will grow smaller. 

Mostly I think about how God holds each one of our lives in the palm of His hand. How He knows the number of our days from beginning to end, and how He walks beside us through every season we encounter. 

We are never forgotten. 

Never unseen. 

We are known and loved by the One who made us. 

Rainy Days And Monday (also Friday Saturday Sunday)

Hello friends and happy Memorial Day. I’m especially grateful today for the men and women who've given their lives in service to our country, and the freedoms we enjoy because of them. It's good to pause and remember. 

Our weekend was, in a word, drenched. Wow. It rained here. A lot. The whole weekend in fact. We're in a bit of a drought situation so it's good I think, although not sure we needed it all to come down in a single weekend. Hubs and I just embraced the forced relaxation, because no way were any outdoor projects happening, no fun cookouts, no sunset boat rides. You'd need sun for that. 

We cancelled our Netflix subscription about a year ago, but my daughter2 and I wanted to finish watching the Great British Baking Show we started when I visited her in March, plus I wanted to see Remarkably Bright Creatures, so I resubscribed and we spent the weekend catching up on all the shows we've missed. 

This post is gonna be a little bit 'here's what I watched on TV' the past three days, but whatever. An alternate title might be 'what I didn't cook this weekend' but I'll let you decide. 

Thursday we went out for sushi and I had the spiciest spicy tuna roll ever. We came home and watched the octopus movie which we both enjoyed. I read the book quite a while back but hubs didn't know the story. I appreciate a movie that follows the book plot. 

Friday morning we went out to breakfast at a new-to-us spot. I had their french toast which was delish.  We stopped at Daughter1's house on the way home because she had the new bow ready to go for my front door wreath. These bows are somewhat pricey online, so we buy the ribbon at Hobby Lobby and she works her diy magic to make one that's pretty for half the price. 

She made me one in the fall, then a second I've had up since Valentine's Day, and now a patriotic summer design which I love. 

We wandered through her garden while we were there, and it's thriving. I'm looking forward to her sharing the harvest. 

Friday night we watched The Woman In Cabin 10, another book I'd read a while back that was turned into a movie, and the movie reminded me how annoying I found the book. 

Saturday we woke up to more rain, a ridiculous amount in fact, the kind that spills out of your gutter and causes even the turtles to run for cover.

Hubs had been fighting a cough for a couple of days so I decided to make a pot of chicken soup, which is good for whatever ails you. I don't normally make chicken soup in May, but the gray skies and cooler temps made it sound inviting.  

We started watching Season 3 of The Diplomat, which is so good! We binged a few episodes until we could no longer stay awake, and finished it Sunday afternoon because...it was still raining. 

We went to church Sunday morning and it felt good to leave the house. My son-in-law had taken the two boys to watch the Braves play in Atlanta so hubs and I took daughter1 and her little miss to brunch after church ended. Since you're tracking all the things I didn't cook you should know I had Eggs Benedict. 

Hubs and I finished The Diplomat and since there was a break in the rain (not the gray skies) late afternoon, we decided to take iced coffees down to the dock and see what we could see. There were a few boaters out, but it was breezy and we didn't stay long. 

We had a frozen pizza for dinner. Whoohoo! What a weekend! 

shhh...don't tell anyone but I kinda loved it. 

Linking with Holly (Pink Lady) and Sarah (Sunshine and Books) today for their weekend recap blog hop. 

Hodgepodge Questions-Volume 655

Here are the questions to this week's Hodgepodge. Answer on your own blog, then hop back here on Wednesday (May 27th) to add your link to the party. See you there! 

1. Do you like your name? Are you named after someone (grandparent, etc)? If you have children how did you choose their names? 

2.  A piece of red velvet cake, a scoop of vanilla ice cream or a slice of blueberry pie? You can only have one...which will you choose? If you could pick any red, white, or blue dessert other than those listed here, what would you choose? 

3.  What's a job you'd like to try for just one day? 

4. Any patriotic decor in your home currently or coming up this summer? 

5. It's the end of May, so let's exercise our brains. Sum up your month with an acrostic using the word MAY. We can do it!!  

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

An Uncomplicated Hodgepodge

Welcome to this week's edition of The Wednesday Hodgepodge. If you've answered today's questions, add your link at the end of my post, then go say hi to your neighbor there. 

1. What do you make more complicated than it needs to be? 

Perhaps a better question would be what DON'T I complicate? I know there are a number of shortcuts my girls have shown me on the computer/phone that I still do 'the long way' aka the less simple way, because old habits die hard. 

2. What impresses you? 

humility, courage, bold faith, quiet acts of generosity, and the sunrise

on a less serious note-raw musical talent and the Rockettes kick line

3. On a scale of 1-10 how picky of an eater are you?  (1=extremely and 10=not at all) If you had to eat a meal made entirely of one color what color would you choose? 

How picky am I?  I'm a 10. Not picky at all.

There's almost nothing I won't eat. In fact the only thing that comes to mind is liver and I think my dislike of that goes back to my childhood. My mom would occasionally make liver and onions for dinner and I could not handle the smell at all. I do like liver pates which are nothing like liver and onions. 

My girls, their spouses, and my grands are not picky eaters either, which is really nice when it comes to meal planning. 

If I had to eat a meal made entirely of one color I'd probably opt for red-

apples, cherries, strawberries, watermelon, red peppers, red potatoes, tomatoes, red onions, beets, red meat...I think I could cover all the food groups if I chose red, but I'd definitely miss the greens. 

I'd like a Christmas plate please-red and green. 

4. What does balance in life mean to you? Does your life currently feel 'balanced'? 

Hmmm...I'm not sure life can be in balance every minute of every day. I think we're always making adjustments both large and small, to keep life on an even keel. For me balance means I have an overall sense of well being (physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally).  Sometimes I need more physical activity to regain my balance, sometimes more quiet space, coffee with a friend, or a good cry. 

Do I currently feel balanced? 

Not exactly, but like I said in my answer to the first part of this question, I'm always tweaking things and this season is no different.  I mean I'm not tipping over but one side of the boat is a bit heavier than it should be and I'm working to level out. 

5. If you could travel the world for a year what would be your first destination? 

I think I'd start in New Zealand because it's so far from my current location and that's a place I'd like to see. I could work my way this direction without a lot of backtracking. 

Sounds good to me...when do we leave? 

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

'And I'm proud to be on this peaceful piece of property, I'm on sacred ground and I'm in the best of company...

And I'm thankful for those thankful for the things I've done, I can rest in peace, I'm one of the chosen ones...

I made it to Arlington...' 

~from Arlington written by Jeremy Spillman and Dave Turnbull 

This weekend we pause to honor and remember those who gave all. 

Let's be grateful. 

A Weekend Recap From The Porch

The weekends go by fast, don't they? We like to say every day is the weekend in retirement, but lately not so much. Hubs and I declared Saturday a no-hurry have fun day and although I had to remind him of the no-hurry bit a couple of times, he eventually relaxed and we had a really nice day. A day date if you will. 

Remember when I was counting those here? I'm still counting, just not posting all of them on the blog. 

Backing up to Friday...

Hubs of course had a dozen projects going so he spent most of the day power washing the dock and bridge. We've hired the staining out this year because that is a back breaking job and some years we pay to have it done. They're supposed to be coming on Monday so he wanted it squeaky clean first. 

Power washing the dock is also back breaking so he earned the rest. 

I took care of some paperwork and cleaned bathrooms, then went to play Mah Jong. Not back breaking, but it can sometimes strain the brain. 

Daughter1's hubs was attending an out of town medical thing last week so she and the kids came over Friday evening for a slumber party. The puppy too, because where they go the puppy goes. He desperately wants to play with the Little Brown Dog, but the LBD is not having any part of it. He lets him know too, but they'll get used to each other. 

The weather was absolutely gorgeous all weekend long, so we sat outside and played and talked, and hubs grilled burgers for dinner. Little Miss went to bed on the early side and the rest of us snuggled on the couch and watched Hook. Nana might have missed the entire middle of the film due to an unplanned nap, but I'd seen it before so no biggie. That's life in the third act. You fall asleep before the six year olds. 

Actually that has always been me, never a night owl. Does staying awake past 8:30 qualify one as a night owl? 

After some early Saturday morning fishing for the Mancub and Pawpaw, the party goers had breakfast then went on their way. Hubs and I jumped in the car for a drive one state over. We had a lunch destination in mind, then planned to piddle around in some of the shops nearby. 

At our wine dinner this month one of the couples we sat with told us they'd been to a great BBQ place in the little town of Dillard Georgia. I live in the Palmetto State, but the GA border is right down the road. 

We don't often go out for BBQ because hubs makes a mean pulled pork here at home, but the pitmaster at the Blue Hound in Dillard won Season 6 (July 2025) of the Bobby Flay BBQ Brawl and we thought we should taste it for ourselves. 

The drive over was just under an hour, and it's my favorite kind of BBQ place. A small building that sits on the literal side of the road beside a gas station, smoke billowing out of the smokehouse, and already a long line at 11:15 AM. 

I got the brisket sandwich with a brocoli salad instead of chips and hubs had the brisket plate with collards and slaw. He meant to order banana pudding, but forgot. We did get two jars of their rubs to try at home. 

We sat at a picnic table outside and enjoyed every bite. Afterwards we browsed a couple of shops just a few hundred yards away, then headed towards Clayton, which is a cute little mountain town we love. 

We passed this shop on the way to the restaurant and the name forced us to make a stop there on the way out-

They actually had some nice pieces of furniture and then the usual assortment of 'stuff', but we just looked before heading on to Clayton. Which was hopping on a sunny Saturday! Once we got parked we walked to a little shop called White Birch Provisions for a coffee. I think I might like to stay in the White Birch Inn sometime as it looks cute. We browsed the shops on the main drag, but didn't buy anything.  

On the way out of Clayton we popped in to the local distillery there so hubs could get a bottle of their bourbon. I hadn't been in the place in a couple of years and they've expanded quite a bit which was nice to see.

We made the hour-ish drive home and spent the rest of the afternoon and evening on the lower level porch. I had a small nap (my sleep tank has been fumes the past month) and we listened to music, read, and chatted. Neither of us were very hungry so hubs ate the leftover burger and sides from Friday's dinner and I had a fried egg sandwich.  Sometimes that is exactly what I'm craving. 

Sunday morning kitchen sink view. 

We went to church, then made an exceedingly and unnecessarily long stop at Tractor Supply for a piece of rope for the outdoor shower mirror (the one we had finally broke) and then had lunch on the porch. After lunch hubs trimmed tree branches or some such nonsense and guess where I was? 

If you said the porch you wouldn't be wrong. It's great to be back in almost summer mode. 

Linking today with Holly and Sarah for their regular Monday morning weekend recap party. 

Hodgepodge Questions-Volume 654

Here are the questions to this week's Hodgepodge. Answer on your own blog, then hop back here on Wednesday (May 20) to add your link to the party. See you there! 

1. What do you make more complicated than it needs to be? 

2. What impresses you? 

3. On a scale of 1-10 how picky of an eater are you?  (1=extremely and 10=not at all) If you had to eat a meal made entirely of one color what color would you choose? 

4. What does balance in life mean to you? Does your life currently feel 'balanced'? 

5. If you could travel the world for a year what would be your first destination? 

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

The Friday Seven

I know it's usually dubbed the Friday Five, but I have a random seven so there ya go. Just a few stray thoughts and happenings from the past week and life lately linked with Andrea and Erika today. 

1. Did I tell you daughter1 and her family got a puppy? 

As my granddaughter loves to say 'he's a basket hound'. Oh my word, it's the cutest, and we absolutely do not correct her. In fact we all now say basket hound and likely will say it that way forever and ever amen.

He's super cute, as all puppies are wont to be. Pretty sure God designed it that way because puppies are puppies, right? As far as puppies go he's a good one. Basset Basket hounds are kind of low energy which is not a bad trait in a puppy. I've read they're sometimes called the couch potato of the dog world, and while I don't think I'd go so far as to say that, he is pretty chill. 

2. Did I tell you daughter2 and her family got a puppy? Their guy joined the family back in the fall but I don't remember mentioning it here and I don't play favorites. This handsome fella was a rescue and nearly a year old when they got him. 

fyi-A  one-year old dog is still a puppy. 

He's a real sweetie and has settled in well. The kids adore him. And because I know someone will ask our little brown dog is uninterested in these juveniles lol. 

3.  We had our monthly wine club dinner on Monday and it was one of my favorites. The food was so good. There was a Spanish theme to the menu and I meant to take pictures, but oops.  

One course was a Salmorejo which I'd never heard of before, but is similar to a Gazpacho. It's made from puréed tomatoes, bread, garlic, and olive oil and I might like it even better than Gazpacho. I found a recipe online I'm going to try at home. It's served cold so will be a nice summer treat. 

4. Tuesday was book club and we read The Indigo Girl. Our hosts had all sorts of indigo details on the snack table including this tea-

Have you ever tried butterfly pea flower tea? It's indigo in color and doesn't have a lot of taste. We added honey and lemon (and in some cases Prossecco) to give it more flavor, but the color was beautiful. I read the tea's benefits are similar to green tea, without the bitterness. 

5. My two oldest grandsons are playing on the same baseball team this season and they're killin' it. I've been running non-stop since April, and until this week hadn't made it to a single game. Hubs has managed a few, but I can't be in two places at once so priorities. 

Hubs and I drove to the field Wednesday night to see them play and the other team was a no-show. Boo.  Hubs had plans Thursday night but I trekked back to the field to finally see a game. 

I love the ballpark vibe. 

6. Thursday morning hubs and I met up with daughter1 to watch grandson #2 (aka Max on the blog) 'graduate' from kindergarten. I love this school they are part of so very much. It's a hybrid, so some days students are in a classroom and the other days are homeschooled by their mommas. The heart of this school is beautiful. 

Each 'graduate' is gifted a copy of Max Lucado's The Oak Inside the Acorn, and the Director's message and prayer were lovely. The kindergartners walked in to Pomp and Circumstance and I don't care if the graduates are six or eighteen or twenty-two, that song always makes me teary. 

As we waited for the program to begin they had a little slide show with a picture of each child in their cap and gown (precious!) and a tag line telling what each little person wants to be when they grow up. They flashed this sign too-

Class of 2038???!!. Can that be right? That date doesn't even sound real. 

They let the students toss their caps in the air at the conclusion of the event and I  guess it's in our DNA because they all knew just what to do. So fun! 

After graduation I drove the hour and twenty over to spend time with my momma and had a nice visit with her. Such a beautiful blue sky day...

I  made a stop at Costco when I left there since I was somewhat in the neighborhood. Not really, but definitely closer than I am when coming from home so it made sense. Plus hubs was out of his peanut butter stuffed pretzels and we can't have that.

7. I made a pot pie for dinner Wednesday night and it was so pretty-

I am all about dishes that make more than one meal these days. Have a great weekend everyone!