F is for Forgiveness

Good Monday morning and welcome to week 2 in the A-Z blog challenge. I'm writing this month about life lessons learned, and here we go with the letter F. 

F is for Forgiveness

'to cease to feel resentment against an offender; pardon'

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

I mentioned in my previous post that I'd be sharing this month some of the experiences I think have shaped me into the person I am today. I wrote in my letter E post about the family I grew up in, and today I'm going to talk about another biggie-marriage. 

Marriage grows us, changes us, and teaches us many things...compromise, communication, sacrifice, how to fight fair, and most importantly, the value of forgiveness. Without it I don't think a marriage can survive. 

What would you say is the opposite of forgiveness? In my mind the opposite of forgiveness is resentment, and resentment is the kudzu of a relationship. 

Is there kudzu where you live? We see a lot of it along the highways in the southern part of the US, and maybe other parts of the country too, but in the south it's crazy. Kudzu is an invasive plant, sometimes called the 'vine that ate the south' because it's so fast growing and because it tries, and mostly succeeds, in smothering all the good vegetation growing nearby. It's destructive. 

Marriage is so many wonderful things. It's laughter and parenting and knowing your person is your person. It's connection and friendship and intimacy on more than just the obvious level. 

Marriage is also an every day kind of proposition. Husband and wife, each one making the choice to live selflessly instead of self-centeredly, every.single.day. 

True story here...I'm not alway successful. I mean who knows how to push your buttons better than the person you sleep beside? Small hurts, words said aloud that should have remained unspoken, the cold shoulder, disappointment, our opinion as the right opinion...these are all a part of a long married life, which means forgiveness will be required on the daily too. 

I've learned a lot about myself in our nearly 41 years of marriage, and I think that's part of God's grand design in creating this institution. Marriage is sanctifying. While I've discovered so much goodness there, marriage has also exposed a side of myself I don't particularly love. 

I can hold onto a hurt, marinate in it a little (or a lot) and feel justified in my outrage. And you know what? Sometimes I really am justified, but planting my flag there is how a tiny droplet becomes a deep well of resentment. A well that will overflow if left unchecked.  

I've learned in these later seasons especially that acknowledging a hurt, and then seeking and/or offering forgiveness quickly, makes for a healthier, happier marriage. To lop off resentment while its a seedling, not a hillside covered in vines. 

Not to let the kudzo crowd out all the good green things we've grown. 

If you've never heard the Matthew West Song entitled Forgiveness I'll link it here (Forgiveness). The lyrics are so good. ...'If flies in the face of all your pride, it moves away the mad inside, it's always anger's own worst enemy...'