*If you're looking for this week's Wednesday Hodgeopodge questions you'll find them here.
What do you think of when you hear the word strategy? That's the word for this week's blog carnival hosted by Peter Pollack...you can visit Peter's blog and read more entries here.
I suppose for many people the word strategy conjures up images of battle. Men and women in uniforms and dark suits sitting in a war room plotting their next move with maps, charts and collective brains.
My first thought was something else.
Parenting.
I'm not suggesting my children were in any sense of the word, 'the enemy'. They were in fact the complete opposite, but I think strategy is just another way of saying let's have a goal and a plan in place to meet that goal. I can't think of any job on earth more worthy of some thoughtful planning and consideration as to what the end result will be than raising children.
Simple tasks like changing diapers, buckling shoes, and clipping barrettes into the hair of a resistant, squirmy toddler are best done using a little strategy. If I entered into even the most ordinary of tasks with my babies without first considering my plan of 'attack' and all potential outcomes the result might be-
a. a mess
b. an escaping unclothed tiny tot
c. a crying baby and/or mom, and- on a really bad day,
d. all of the above
A toy to distract, a silly song sung, a cookie in hand...these were often the tools used to meet my goal-a freshly changed, combed, and clothed toddler.
As my girls entered the school years strategy was essential in managing the daily calendar. How do I get child A to ballet in location C while simultaneously ensuring child B is on time for a piano lesson in location D? Add dinner, homework, baths, and Jr high girl drama into the mix and you just might confound a 4-star General.
No more toys and cookies...we needed a new plan. If hubs were in town we would often employ the divide and conquer strategy. He'd pick up one child while I picked up the other. He'd supervise reading stories while I washed up dishes. If he was traveling and I was going it alone I sometimes had to eliminate something from the calendar in order to meet my goal-a harmonious evening where homework could be completed, dinner eaten and bedtime rituals performed sans grouchiness and impatience.
Enter the teen years. Don't even think about going there without a strategy. Kids get smarter ya know! The teen years require a trip back to the 'war room' to iron out policies on a myriad of things...dating, curfews, parties, driving, study habits, part time jobs, and most importantly, how to handle a child inching out from under the safety and protection of your wings to find wings of their own.
Our strategy?
Essentially it was this-
love a lot
listen a lot
pray a lot
That makes it sound like we flew by the seat of our pants but I can assure you we did not. Its just that I think everything we did during the teen years falls into one of those categories. Loving a teenager means doling out hugs and encouraging words but it also means having rules and consequences to go with. Listening means sometimes they pour their heart out and it breaks yours just a little. It means you occasionally re-evaluate the rules and adjust as maturity and situations warrant. Praying a lot means you're not in it alone and I kind of think that's the seret to life.
I'm not implying that my strategies worked all the time, that we never had to corral a tantrum-ing toddler, that every evening was harmonious-ha, or that the teen years were without tough moments...but we had a goal and we tried to keep site of that goal as our children grew.
My girls are both well adjusted young adults in their early 20's and you might think I'd have no more need of a strategy. Sorry moms of little ones, but I'm finding these may be the trickiest years of all. Along with loving and listening and praying a lot, I'm learning there's something else needed in my 'war chest' -
Don't say everything I think.
Raise your hand if you have 20-somethings in your life and you find that last bit really hard. I'm raising my hand. I find that to be harder than negotiating boundaries with a toddler, settling a sleep- over dispute amongst tweens, or explaining to my teen for the 15th time why perception matters.
Daughter2 is finishing up her college career now but daughter1 has graduated and is out in the working world. She has her own apartment, car insurance, weekend plans and money. She does a good job in balancing her life and I try to resist tweaking it. I'm afraid I don't always succeed. See paragraph above.
One piece of advice I give my young adult children is this-set goals and then make a plan to meet those goals. Strategize. Yes, sometimes plans will need adjusting or even tossing out, but rolling thru life with no plan doesn't mean life won't happen. It just means you may not have the life you want. And every now and then God opens an unexpected door and you'll need a new plan. Re-strategize. Listen a lot, love a lot, pray a lot.
I'm not a 20-something but I am trying to follow my own advice.
