In the trenches

*If you're looking for this week's Wednesday Hodgeopodge questions you'll find them here.

What do you think of when you hear the word strategy? That's the word for this week's blog carnival hosted by Peter Pollack...you can visit Peter's blog and read more entries here.

I suppose for many people the word strategy conjures up images of battle. Men and women in uniforms and dark suits sitting in a war room plotting their next move with maps, charts and collective brains.

My first thought was something else.

Parenting.

I'm not suggesting my children were in any sense of the word, 'the enemy'. They were in fact the complete opposite, but I think strategy is just another way of saying let's have a goal and a plan in place to meet that goal. I can't think of any job on earth more worthy of some thoughtful planning and consideration as to what the end result will be than raising children.

Simple tasks like changing diapers, buckling shoes, and clipping barrettes into the hair of a resistant, squirmy toddler are best done using a little strategy. If I entered into even the most ordinary of tasks with my babies without first considering my plan of 'attack' and all potential outcomes the result might be-

a. a mess

b. an escaping unclothed tiny tot

c. a crying baby and/or mom, and- on a really bad day,

d. all of the above

A toy to distract, a silly song sung, a cookie in hand...these were often the tools used to meet my goal-a freshly changed, combed, and clothed toddler.

As my girls entered the school years strategy was essential in managing the daily calendar. How do I get child A to ballet in location C while simultaneously ensuring child B is on time for a piano lesson in location D? Add dinner, homework, baths, and Jr high girl drama into the mix and you just might confound a 4-star General.

No more toys and cookies...we needed a new plan. If hubs were in town we would often employ the divide and conquer strategy. He'd pick up one child while I picked up the other. He'd supervise reading stories while I washed up dishes. If he was traveling and I was going it alone I sometimes had to eliminate something from the calendar in order to meet my goal-a harmonious evening where homework could be completed, dinner eaten and bedtime rituals performed sans grouchiness and impatience.

Enter the teen years. Don't even think about going there without a strategy. Kids get smarter ya know! The teen years require a trip back to the 'war room' to iron out policies on a myriad of things...dating, curfews, parties, driving, study habits, part time jobs, and most importantly, how to handle a child inching out from under the safety and protection of your wings to find wings of their own.

Our strategy?

Essentially it was this-

love a lot

listen a lot

pray a lot

That makes it sound like we flew by the seat of our pants but I can assure you we did not. Its just that I think everything we did during the teen years falls into one of those categories. Loving a teenager means doling out hugs and encouraging words but it also means having rules and consequences to go with. Listening means sometimes they pour their heart out and it breaks yours just a little. It means you occasionally re-evaluate the rules and adjust as maturity and situations warrant. Praying a lot means you're not in it alone and I kind of think that's the seret to life.

I'm not implying that my strategies worked all the time, that we never had to corral a tantrum-ing toddler, that every evening was harmonious-ha, or that the teen years were without tough moments...but we had a goal and we tried to keep site of that goal as our children grew.

My girls are both well adjusted young adults in their early 20's and you might think I'd have no more need of a strategy. Sorry moms of little ones, but I'm finding these may be the trickiest years of all. Along with loving and listening and praying a lot, I'm learning there's something else needed in my 'war chest' -

Don't say everything I think.

Raise your hand if you have 20-somethings in your life and you find that last bit really hard. I'm raising my hand. I find that to be harder than negotiating boundaries with a toddler, settling a sleep- over dispute amongst tweens, or explaining to my teen for the 15th time why perception matters.

Daughter2 is finishing up her college career now but daughter1 has graduated and is out in the working world. She has her own apartment, car insurance, weekend plans and money. She does a good job in balancing her life and I try to resist tweaking it. I'm afraid I don't always succeed. See paragraph above.

One piece of advice I give my young adult children is this-set goals and then make a plan to meet those goals. Strategize. Yes, sometimes plans will need adjusting or even tossing out, but rolling thru life with no plan doesn't mean life won't happen. It just means you may not have the life you want. And every now and then God opens an unexpected door and you'll need a new plan. Re-strategize. Listen a lot, love a lot, pray a lot.

I'm not a 20-something but I am trying to follow my own advice.

Questions for the Wednesday Hodgepodge-Vol 51

Here are the questions for this week's Wednesday Hodgepodge. Everyone is welcome to play along...answer the questions on your own blog or fb page and then come back tomorrow (Wednesday) to add your link and visit the neighbors.

1. Who taught you how to cook?

2. Have you been told you think too much? Are too much of a perfectionist? Are too sensitive? Were they right?

3. As a child did you have a favorite blanket or toy? Tell about it.

4. What 'institution' do you have the most faith in?

5. Chrysanthemums-pansies-burning bush-ornamental cabbage...your favorite in an autumn garden?

6. What superpower do the kids in your neighborhood seem to posses?

7. Are you a fan of the cranberry?

8. Insert your own random thought here.

Seriously Ridiculous

So, did you hear we had a little something called SNOW!! this past weekend? I don't even know where to begin.

A British co-worker of my hubs who resides in the UK will be relocating to our area in January. January! Bless them. His lovely wife has only been in the US once or twice, never for any extended period of time, and I'd never met either of them until this weekend. They were in town to do some house hunting and we had plans to meet for dinner on Saturday night.

Welcome to NJ!

Where a foot and a half of snow falls before the end of October.

Yes we had a foot and a half of snow this weekend...didn't you?

The predicted snowfall started mid morning Saturday and when I say it was snowing I mean it was SNOWING!! Those caps and exclamation points are obnoxious I know, but so was the SNOW!! It absolutely poured all the live long day and on into the night. We, along with the entire population of our little town, had popped into the brand new supermarket to pick up a few things on Saturday morning. Coincidentally the brand new supermarket just so happened to be hosting their grand opening celebration that morning too. Timing people. Snowstorms and grand openings make for quite the mix.

As we came out of the market and made our way home, literally just a few miles, hubs and I decided we best call the co-worker and his wife in their hotel and have them come on over early. They were staying about 20 minutes away, were in a rental car, not accustomed to driving on the right side of the road, and did I tell you it was SNOWING!? Hubs suggested they pack a bag. Good thinking hubs!

Their realtor had naturally cancelled the house hunt trip scheduled for Saturday...after all, she needed to be shoveling and plowing and clearing downed trees like the rest of us, so they made their way to our house and we hung out in my kitchen most of the afternoon. Every few minutes one or both of them would walk to the windows and say, "I just can't believe this."

We know.

We can hardly believe it ourselves and we live here.

I did my best to reassure the Mrs. that this was not typical weather for an October Saturday in Northern NJ and I think she mostly believed me. I did add though, that since they'll be arriving in January this is the sort of weather they'll see then. Good to know what you're getting in to, right?

Maybe.

Moving house is always a bit nerve wracking but moving country really amps up the fear factor. Being greeted by a foot of snow in October does not exactly help calm those fears.

We ended up venturing out to a nearby restaurant for an early dinner. Another couple who live nearby were meeting us too and we had a wonderful meal by the fireplace in a lovely local spot. Afterwards they came back to our house and spent the night since there was no way they were getting out anywhere.

We awoke Sunday morning to a crystal clear blue cloudless sky. In general the day after a storm is gorgeous and Sunday was no exception. Well, unless you count stuff like this.

Yes that is a giant tree felled by the weight of wet heavy snow. Conveniently it fell across our front walkway. And that's just one we lost or may lose. Ugh. We drove around town and the damage from this storm looks far worse than what we had during the recent hurricane. There were trees and power lines down everywhere you looked...thousands are still without power today and in fact, area schools are closed here. In October. Due to snow.

We took our guests on a little tour of the town on Sunday...can't have them thinking it's all work and no play living here, can we?

We walked out onto the boardwalk by the lake and saw that someone had gotten creative during the storm. It takes a lot of snow to make a snowman this big people!

I posted pics on my facebook and several friends have asked if its all melted today. Uh, no. It is melting but we still have plenty hanging around.

And in spite of what it looks like outside today is Halloween. That day when little munchkins don costumes and parade from house to house asking ever so sweetly for candy. We have a little problem though-

It's called a tree blocking the sidewalk to our front door.

No worries...

Hubs got a little bit creative too.

Photographs and Memories

I had this idea that it would be fun to put my Halloween pictures thru the years into a post on my blog. Mostly for my girls to see but also because I like to collect these kinds of memories and have them recorded somewhere. As I was scrounging around for photos I realized several things. You know I always learn things when I look thru my pictures, right? That saying, "hindsight is 20/20" never rings truer for me than when I blog about days gone by.

Digital photography is a beautiful thing. No awkward faces or bad lighting. No cluttered counters drawing your eye to the background instead of the foreground. Eyes open, clear line, smooth edges. Every event captured, tweaked, and marked in a photograph that we almost never hold in our hand.

The pictures I have from my girls growing up days are not digital. These pictures required a trip to the drug store or Fotomat to see what had been captured with a camera days, weeks, or even months earlier. These pictures were held in my hand and examined, sometimes framed but more often dropped into a shoebox or stuck into old fashioned albums that lacked photo safe paper.

When I see myself as a young mom I am catapulted back to the weary joy of those days. I hear a steady stream of giggly chatter that served as the soundtrack to our lives when small girls lived and slept and grew in our house. We didn't have a camera on us at any given moment. We missed things. Precious things that are saved only in our memory, and every now and then in a good or not-so-good photograph.

As I looked thru my photos I realized we didn't even take a picture every year on Halloween. We were most likely busy- finishing up homework, figuring out how to add a layer of warmth to a lightweight costume for trick or treating, eating our traditional pre-game meal of chili and cornbread and then afterwards dumping pillowcases or plastic pumpkins onto the family room rug to sort, trade, share, and revel in the loot. Often it would be the next day before I'd remember that I had wanted a picture.

We had our traditions, still do actually. We trekked to a local pumpkin patch and then Daddy was in charge of the carving. He would always ask, "Silly face or scary face?" and the girls always shouted for the 'scary face'. They were both little chickens and didn't really like anything too scary but on this day they wanted their Jack-o-lantern to look a bit frightening.

No carving kits, nothing to trace...just newsprint on the table and a regular old kitchen carving knife. The girls scooped out the 'guts' and watched as the face on the pumpkin took shape.

When the girls were tiny tots and we lived in North Jersey our neighborhood had big hills and lots of acreage between the driveways. Hubs put our babies in the wagon and hauled that thing up the mountain. Good thing we were young.

They didn't go to many houses but they didn't need to...just a few familiar neighbors who oohed and ahhed over their costumes and their cuteness and then home for hot cocoa and a piece of candy or two before bed. Only on Halloween.

We lived in Maryland during the elementary school years...a flat neighborhood with sidewalks and good friends.

The dads in our little cul-de-sac were in charge of trick or treating...they sometimes dressed up too and walked into neighboring subdivisions with the gaggle of kids from our court.

It was often raining and always cold.

That's part of the memory.

My girls celebrated one Halloween in England, our first year there. England couldn't quite decide if they were celebrating the holiday or not but I think in recent years its become more of a big deal. Mine were too old for trick or treating that year, but not for a party with friends.

As I look thru my pictures I realize afresh that my days as a 'young' mother are tucked snugly in the past. In 2011 I can appreciate the delete button on my digital camera.

In looking back I can also see that motherhood is full of rough edges and blurry lines. Its sometimes sloppy and almost always unscripted. Re-takes are found only in the gift of a new day, a chance to do a little better today than we did the day before. My old pictures are raw and unphotoshopped. Most of the time, so is life.

50 is Nifty-Wednesday Hodgepodge Vol guess what number

My girls would be quick to point out that using the term nifty marks you as a person of a certain age but in my defense the only time I use that word is when I'm saying Fifty is Nifty. Which isn't often.

Welcome to the Wednesday Hodgepodge-Volume FIFTY. Which is nifty. Okay I'll stop now and get on with the questions. Be sure to link your post and then visit around. Here are my answers to this week's questions-

1. What gives you goosebumps?

Lots of things-seeing a soldier reunited with his family, being in a large crowd while The National Anthem is sung, dental tools, a dark basement.

2. Halloween-are you a lover or a hater? Okay, that sounds harsh...Halloween-yay or nay?

It's not my favorite holiday but I don't hate it either. I don't take it too seriously and my cutie pies generally viewed any opportunity to put on some sort of costume as a good day. We enjoyed talking about 'what to be', hanging out with the neighbors (the dads all banded together and walked around in a big group) and of course the best part- raiding the girls stash after they'd gone to bed. Hi girls!

3. Can you respect someone you do not trust, and can you trust someone you do not respect?

For the most part I think the two go hand in hand. I don't think I can trust someone I don't respect. Trust is a step above respect in the grand scheme of things. I think there are instances where I can have respect for a person's -ability, insight, skill-but not neccessarily trust them to do the right or best thing for me (politicians anyone?) I cannot think of any instance where I would trust someone I didn't respect.

4. Apples or oranges? Yes, you have to choose.

This time of year I'd definitely say apples-picked from the orchard and eaten on the spot, simmered all day in the crockpot into a wonderful homemade sauce, sliced in pies, cakes, tarts and dumplings, dipped into caramely goodness and even pressed into cider. Yum!

and voila....

5. What is something you wish was in your town? (shop, restaurant, attraction, etc)

There isn't much in our little town which I suppose is part of its charm but also a teensy bit annoying at times. You can't have it both ways I guess. I like the fact that I have to go one town over to get to a Walmart or Target. They are close but not too close. I do love the downtown in collegetown where Daughter2 lives-its just the right mix of nature, boutiques, and fine dining so I know it can be done and done well. I guess that's what I'd really like to see in our town- a plan.

6. What non-food item is in your refrigerator or freezer?

The refills to my tooth whitening kit. The dentist recommended I keep it there and I always do what the dentist says.

7. Are you at all superstitious?

I don't think so. Definitely not in the black cat or broken mirror kind of way.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

I hosted book club at my house on Monday night and made a few things I'd seen on Pinterest. If you're not on Pinterest you should check it out. So many fun, clever, delicious ideas out there. I set out this bowl of 'acorns' and they were a hit...

I used the mini nutter butter cookies for the top and attached it to the Hershey's kiss with a dab of peanut butter. I think they're so cute as a little something extra for a fall get together and who doesn't love chocolate and peanut butter?

Questions for the Wednesday Hodgepodge-Vol 50

Clearly I am off my blogging game this week. It just now dawned on me that today is not Monday. It's Tuesday.

Okay, now that we've cleared that up, here it is-Volume 50. Wait, what? We've been at the Hodgepodge for almost one full year. Yay us! And I know first hand that 50 is fabulous so come join the party. Here are the questions which you should answer on your own blog or fb page. Hop back over here tomorrow (Wednesday) to link your answers and see what the neighbors are saying.

1. What gives you goosebumps?

2. Halloween-are you a lover or a hater? Okay, that sounds harsh...Halloween-yay or nay?

3. Can you respect someone you do not trust, and can you trust someone you do not respect?

4. Apples or oranges? Yes, you have to choose.

5. What is something you wish was in your town? (shop, restaurant, attraction, etc)

6. What non-food item is in your refrigerator or freezer?

7. Are you at all superstitious?

8. Insert your own random thought here.

Finding Gold in the Weekend

Hey, guess what?

We were at home this weekend.

And by home I mean we weren't sitting around doing nothing but we were also not standing in a queue at the airport or packing and lugging suitcases or stripping down for security.

Wait.

Hubs was at the airport. He'd been in Delhi all last week and his flight touched down in the US of A at the delightful hour of 4:25 am. Of course to him that felt like 2 PM so we did what we always do when he gets back from one of these upside down business trips-we went out to breakfast. Its possible we also went out to lunch later that same day but who's counting. He always has stories to tell when he's been to India, some interesting and some sad, so we spent the day catching up and running errands. And eating out obviously. He wanted some regular American beef for dinner so we grilled steaks and caught up on the DVR. Riveting stuff, isn't it? I've written an entire paragraph on our weekend eating habits.

Hubs finds it amusing that he travels half way round the world but I'm the one who kind of collapses when he gets home. In my defense I do not sleep well when he's in these places, so as soon as he's safely home I let my adrenaline crash.

Saturday it was off to the races. We were guests of someone business related (I don't know-I just go along for the fun day out) and they have a lovely tent at this event which raises money for a local hospital. The weather was very fall like with alternating sun and clouds and I was glad I wore my down vest.

(oh good, she's moved from discussing her dining habits to weather talk)

This horse race goes all the way back to 1870 and is host to the Breeder's Cup, the most prestigious race in American steeplechasing. I don't follow horse racing but I do read a lot of Dick Francis novels which are set in that venue so I think that counts. Do you think they saw this back in 1870?

Let me just say for record that he was not with us. Also, the rules clearly stated no pets but somehow this girl managed to sneak in a chicken.

Whyyyy? As you can see, the event attracts a wide ranging crowd. We were up on the hill above the chickens and the superheroes-

There was plenty of wonderful food and pretty table decorations-

I loved the centerpieces and they would be easy to recreate-

There were no Marvel Comic characters in our tent but we did spend a lot of time talking to some British guests which was fun. Will we ever lose that sense of feeling an immediate connection to every Brit we meet? These boys (they were men, but they were young men) had spent a lot of time in our little village, primarily in the pub there but still, it was fun talking about our mutual love of their homeland.

Hubs needed a bit of a low key day on Sunday and what a gorgeous fall day it turned out to be-

We took the little red car for a spin and enjoyed feeling the sunshine on our faces and the seeing the view from atop New Jersey's highest point.

We came home and relaxed on the patio (finally) and even had a fire in the outdoor firepit where this deliciousness happened-

That's hubs marshmallow...he has no patience for a lot of things but he could sit all day and roast a marshmallow to perfection. I have patience for most things but managed to burn two right off the bat with my impatience. He was nice and shared.

And what would your week be without a picture of my hillside?

The sunlight sparkled thru the leaves yesterday and made for a most peaceful and perfect late autumn afternoon. How can you not love the fall?

"There is a harmony in autumn, and a luster in its sky, which through the summer is not heard or seen, as if it could not be, as if it had not been!" Percy Bysshe Shelley