Going to the zoo zoo zoo...

One of the challenges we had with our most recent move was that our girls were in university when we relocated. We moved to a town they'd never lived in and to which they have no ties other than us, the parents.

Not that we're not enough.

ahem.

Perhaps you still have little ones at home who say they want to marry their Daddy or who promise they will live with you forever. We had those conversations in our house too, once upon a memory. Sadly, little girls cannot be expected to keep those sorts of promises.

Daughter2 has been home visiting which makes me happy. I think it makes her a little happy too but she's used to having her sister here when she's home and I know she misses her. Up until recently they've had similar breaks but all that has changed now that Daughter1 is working in the big city. When just one child is home for a visit without having sister there too she's pretty much at our mercy. teehee.

So what to do on a cool gray Saturday in May?

Daughter2 has always loved animals. For a short time she thought she'd like to be a vet but then of course there was all that pesky science. Besides, she was born to be a teacher and is definitely going to be everybody's favorite when she eventually finishes her degree and starts working. She is irresistible.

On Saturday we trekked over to The Bronx Zoo. Driving in the Bronx is nuts. You have to know where you're going before you get there or you will miss your exit and possibly end up in Connecticut. Fortunately hubs was driving so we ended up at the zoo.

Its funny because one minute you are smack in the middle of road signs and construction and overpasses and honking horns and changing lanes and pure craziness and then suddenly you're in a lovely wooded lush green space called The Bronx Zoo.

It's a really nice zoo and I think it worked in our favor that the sun wasn't shining because all the animals were out enjoying the cool Spring air. Sometimes if its too sunny they hide.

Parents can be fun.

Just sayin'

Bother

Well that was annoying.

Blogger was out of commission for a couple of days which made me realize-

a) I spend a lot of time on Blogger and

b) I'm thankful I've had my blog periodically bound into books.

I would have been so sad had it disappeared altogether.

Blogging is a habit and like most habits when you take a break, planned or otherwise, it takes some time to get back into the old rhythm. Since I spent the month of April in the A-Z challenge and the month of May in a whirling dervish I feel like it has been forever since I sat down and wrote about the everyday nothingness for which this blog is famous.

Famous may not be the appropriate adjective but you know what I mean.

Also, did I tell you we had quite the hectic weekend and I'm just now coming up for air?

Well I am.

And do you want to know what is really making me tired at the moment? Home improvement.

They're still here working on the patio and the firepit and the last minute add on project of putting stone around the foundation after we realized there was no siding behind the deck they ripped off when this whole thing started. One project leads to another and another and I'm beginning to think we might never be finished.

I'm so tired of people in and around the house.

I'm tired of the sand and gravel and rock in the driveway and I'm tired of looking out my kitchen window at the underground sprinkler housing laying on top of the dirt. Dirt that is waiting to be seeded and landscaped when all the construction is completed.

If its completed.

I have decided I am not one of those people who would ever want to buy an old fixer upper. I'm not cut out for all the mess and the schedules and the workers who say they will be here but aren't or who are here until 9 PM. Contractors who need to be called during the day but when you do you always get their voice mail so they have to call you back but when they do it is naturally during the five minutes you ran the dog outside so they get your voice mail. I'm tired of having to remember to pull my car out of the drive first thing in the morning so I'm not blocked in by trucks and I'm tired of the third degree from my hubs three or ten times a day asking questions I don't know the answer to (and don't particularly want to know the answer to) and I really just want it all to be done already. We've had workers here for over two months. It's time for life to get back to normal around here.

I don't know what normal is at this point in our lives but I do know this is most definitely not it.

Does all this sound like whining?

Are blogging and whining the same thing?

Sometimes.

Oh, I know the finished product is going to be so lovely. It's just that I am more than ready to be sitting in a comfy chair with a glass of wine by the brand new firepit. Speaking of the firepit...guess what hubs big big worry is there?

He is concerned the firepit is not large enough.

Large enough for what I ask him?

You know...to burn stuff.

I reassure him it is plenty large enough for friends and family to sit around and enjoy. Then his eyes wander to the woods behind the house and he sees a few trees felled by recent storms and the wheels start turning.

He is not thinking kindling.

He is thinking whole trees.

In addition to all the construction commotion daughter2 came home with us for a couple of weeks before she begins her summer job in SC and she requires my undivided attention.

Or possibly I require her undivided attention.

Something like that.

So far she has slept a lot. Whoohoo! And of course we've also shopped a lot. Her definition of shopping anyway, which is this- she tries on three trillion items that are size miniature and every single solitary thing looks adorable. I help her whittle it all down to the best of the best and then I pay.

Me paying is the best part.

Yesterday she had her hair highlighted which is a treat and works much like the shopping. The me paying part anyway.

I don't mind.

Having daughters is a little bit like I imagined it would be when I was a little girl. I love talking to them and dressing them up and playing with their hair.

Today hubs had rearranged his schedule so he could work from home and be available to discuss landscaping with the landscaper. Guess who did not make it out to our house today?

ruh-ro

Daughter2 and I decided to make ourselves scarce so went out to lunch and then to an afternoon movie. We did not want to be around for the 'follow up' phone call.

I don't want a fire until all the junk is out of the yard because the aesthetic is not perfect. I think when we christen the firepit everything needs to be just right. We haven't put our furniture out yet either. And there are no plants in pretty pots but hubs is bound and determined to sit on that patio so tonite he is grilling steaks.We will sit on our camp chairs because they're easy to pull out and put away and we'll listen to music and sip a glass of wine and I'll close my eyes and imagine it as it will be in another week.

Or two.

Hey, I'm nothing if not an optimist.

Moving into the Wednesday Hodgepodge-Vol 26

Welcome to the Wednesday Hodgepodge...add your link to the bottom of my post and enjoy visiting around today. Here are my answers-

1. How many times in your life have you moved house?

I was less than a year old when I moved the first time. To date I have moved fourteen times. I am not counting moves between dorms while in college although now that I'm a parent and have done that numerous times with my own girls I feel like maybe those moves should count. Moving furniture is moving furniture whether you're going across the street or across the country.

2. What subject would you study if you had a year to devote to it?

Italian...in Italy.

Or French...in France.

3. What in this world breaks your heart?

Hungry motherless children. We can do something about the hunger-

World Vision

Compassion International

Samaritan's Purse

4. What is one item that symbolizes the times in which we live? Why?

I thought about saying the computer but I'm going with the mobile phone. As we were out and about this past weekend and I looked around it just seemed like everywhere I turned absolutely everyone was on a phone. And don't get me started on all the people gabbing while driving in the pouring rain on the interstate. It is a sign of the times in which we live that we feel like we have to be connected 24/7.

5. Share a favorite bumper sticker or t-shirt slogan.

As long as I'm on a rant....

I'm not a big fan of bumper stickers and we don't put them on our cars.

6. How do you like your spaghetti?

I make my own version of Nigella Lawson's sauce with meatballs. Essentially you pulverize onion and garlic and then saute them in olive oil and butter. Add chopped tomatoes, seasoning, some white wine and a bit of milk, a teensy bit of sugar and some chopped parsley. I let it bubble away for a couple of hours and then thicken slightly with tomato paste if necessary. I don't like a lot of sauce on my pasta and I don't like the sauce to be too thick or chunky.

7. What is one piece of advice you would give a recent or soon to be recent graduate?

Some of the biggest and most important decisions of your life will be made in the college and young adult years. God has a plan for your life...keep Him close.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

We spent Sunday night with friends in the Annapolis area before heading back to NJ on Monday. We lived there for almost nine years before we moved overseas so we made a little trek thru our old neighborhood. Here are hubs and daughter2 standing on the pier at the end of our road. There is something about sunlight on the water that makes my heart ache just a little.

Especially sunlight on this water.

The heart of the matter

So, how did you celebrate Mother's Day? I know I'm late to the party but I spent my weekend being a mother. Hubs and I left our house at 6 am last Wednesday morning to drive to South Carolina in order to help daughter1 pack up her apartment and belongings and car and get them to her new home in the DC area. Let me just say right off the bat that daughter1 has a lot of belongings. Ahem.

Anyway, we left NJ in the cold dark rain at 6 am Wednesday morning and arrived in sunny South Carolina a little before 7 PM. Coincidentally this was mere minutes after the brake pad warning light appeared on the dash. Putting new brakes on my car wasn't exactly part of our already complicated plans but what can you do? Gotta have brakes, right? Plus we should know that a trip to see our girls is never complete without some sort of expensive car repair but it's usually theirs. Sigh.

Daughter2 had her last exam on Wednesday so she met us downtown for dinner at a bbq place we all love and we worked out a Plan B for Thursday. Hubs had to spend several hours at the car dealer getting brand new brakes so Daughter2 and I might have gone shopping. Once he had the new brakes hubs came back to the hotel to collect me so we could go back out to practically where he had just been and pick up the rental truck we needed for moving daughter1's furniture. We drove the truck to her apt and left it for the night and since Daughter1 wasn't arriving from DC until that evening and daughter2 had a babysitting job we called it a day. Hubs and I went out to my sister's new house for a cookout which was a welcome break. My mom was in town visiting too and it was nice to see her on this Mother's Day weekend. It was Mother's Day, remember? Are you following this?

Friday morning we met the girls for breakfast at 9am (the crack of dawn according to daughter2) and headed to the apartment to see what we were facing. If you have kids this age you know what I mean. Daughter1 had done her best to pack up most of the non-furniture items before she went to DC to start her new job but there was still plenty to do. Hubs has had a little back issue this past month so thankfully daughter1's boyfriend and another friend arrived to save the day. They carried all the heavy furniture down the stairs (of course there are stairs...there are always stairs) and got it onto the truck which was a huge blessing.

Huge.

Friday night we were so happy to finally meet the boyfriends mom for the first time. We really enjoyed relaxing and chatting and we had a nice family dinner a little later.

Saturday we went back to Daughter1's apartment to finish the job. Well, the SC part of the job anyway. Is this boring? Yes, I think it is, but motherhood is not all glamour and good times now is it? Stay with me though...I haven't even gotten to the most fun part. We spent Saturday cleaning and stuffing (literally) the last bits and bobs into the truck. We still had a big tv and three guitars in our car plus the girls luggage. Daughter1's car was also loaded with who knows what but I can assure you it was all essential.

Now the plan on Sunday (Mother's Day in case you've somehow forgotten) was to meet the girls at Daughter2's apt at 6:30 am to begin the drive north. Daughter1's boyfriend had his graduation ceremony on Saturday night and they went to dinner afterwards with his dad. Graduation ran a bit long ( don't they know we need short speeches and lots of time for pictures?) so dinner didn't begin until 10:30 PM. Needless to say she did not get to bed early and she was going to be the middle car in our caravan Sunday. Extra stops en route it will be.

Does everyone else move kids in and out of housing as much as we do? If you have preschoolers or young children you might not get this post at all. If you have kids in college or beyond you are probably nodding your head and reaching for the Advil or your wallet as you flash back to moving your own children in and out of dorms and apartments and storage units.

Sunday (Mother's Day, remember?) we pulled up bright and early to collect the girls and I was greeted with a basket of goodies including gift certificates to my favorite salon and lunch spot. I am definitely going to need a manicure after this weekend. We set off at 6:30 am with hubs driving in the number 1 spot. He had the rental truck full of furniture and was followed (sometimes too closely) by daughter1 with her fully loaded vehicle. Daughter2 and I were in my car and we acted as caboose for the next 11 hours. I know. Technically it's only about 8 1/2 hours from SC to DC but when you are trying to keep three cars together and have all drivers at peak performance it takes a wee bit longer. Have you ever had to follow two vehicles for that amount of time? Through five states? On too little sleep? With the last two hours being a trek around the DC Beltway? On Mother's Day?

We went directly to the storage unit to unload. Daughter1 is already staying in her apartment but the roommate who is vacating is not leaving for a couple more weeks so the furniture has to go somewhere in the meantime. Plus, why move it all once when you can do it twice?

We were a little concerned about the unloading since there were no boys hanging around to help and then add to that the fact that hubs back was aching and the combined weight of my two girls is equal to that of a hummingbird so yeah, we worried...but lo and behold everyone put on their happy faces and their big kid pants and got the job done uber efficiently. Only one minor injury occurred...I'll give you three guesses which kid?

Daughter2 picked up a shelf that folded and it pinched her finger good. I have very few photos from the weekend because hello, did you just read this recap??? When we got to the storage unit I suddenly remembered I had a blog and decided I needed a couple of pictures so here you go-

When your kids go to college far from home you become well acquainted with the inside of a storage unit, how to rent, load and pack trucks, how to operate a dolly, and how to dress for the sweat and dust you are bound to encounter.

Did you think I was through? Almost...we spotted a pizza restaurant across the street from the storage place and told hubs we were not going any further without food. It was Mother's Day. We laughed a lot during dinner. We really did. And the manager gave me a gift card for a future visit because I'm a mom. And it was Mother's Day.

We headed to Daughter1's apartment and dropped her off and then drove a bit further to spend the night with friends in Annapolis. We arrived at 9:30 PM. It was a long day.

Reading this back just now it sounds like a busy crazy exhausting weekend with not a lot of R and R. I guess that's true but in a funny way it felt like a true celebration of motherhood. Perhaps truer and more real than any Mother's Day I've spent dining in a fancy restaurant or being pampered in a quiet spa. In my little corner of the world this Mother's Day there was sunshine and there was dirt. There were tears and giggles and sweat. There were knowing glances, stern looks, inside jokes, and bone weary exhaustion. Worry and pride. Minutes of frustration and moments of pure happiness. Isn't that the very essence of motherhood?

Happy Mother's Day

Years ago a friend shared this essay with me. I can't find the original post but the author is Anna Quindlen and I love her thoughts on motherhood. Wishing all the moms out there a Happy Mother's Day!

Anna Quindlen on Motherhood

All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three almost adults, two taller than I am, one closing in fast. Three people who read the same books I do and have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to keep their doors closed more than I like. Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves.

Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep within each, barely discernible except through the unreliable haze of the past.

Everything in all the books I once pored over is finished for me now. Penelope Leach., T. Berry Brazelton., Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and sleeping through the night and early-childhood education, all grown obsolete. Along with “Goodnight Moon” and “Where the Wild Things Are,” they are battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages dust would rise like memories. What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relations –what they taught me was that they couldn’t really teach me very much at all.

Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one knows anything. One child responds well to positive reinforcement, another can be managed only with a stern voice and a timeout. One boy is toilet trained at 3, his brother at 2. When my first child was born, parents were told to put baby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke on his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies were put down on their backs because of research on sudden infant death syndrome. To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and then soothing. Eventually you must learn to trust yourself. Eventually the research will follow.

I remember 15 years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton’s wonderful books on child development, in which he describes three different sorts of infants: average, quiet, and active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an 18-month-old who did not walk. Was there something wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I insane? Last year he went to China. Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too.

Every part of raising children is humbling, too. Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been enshrined in the Remember-When-Mom-Did Hall of Fame. The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad language – mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed. The times I arrived late for preschool pickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp. The day when the youngest came barreling out of the classroom with a 98 on her
geography test, and I responded, What did you get wrong? (She insisted I include that.) The time I ordered food at the McDonald’s drive-through speaker and then drove away without picking it up from the window. (They all insisted I include that.) I did not allow them to watch the Simpsons for the first two seasons. What was I thinking?

But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.

Even today I’m not sure what worked and what didn’t, what was me and what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought someday they would become who they were because of what I’d done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be. The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top. And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity.

That’s what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts. It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were.

–Anna Quindlen is a Pulizer Prize-winning journalist and bestselling author.

May Day Wednesday Hodgepodge Vol 25

Welcome to the Wednesday Hodgepodge...link your post at the bottom of this one and enjoy hopping around to some of the other participating blogs today. After you read my answers of course!

1. Have you ever been served breakfast in bed? Did you enjoy that? If someone were serving you breakfast in bed this coming weekend what would you hope to see on the tray?

I have but not in a long long time. I enjoy the thought that goes into the act but my family has to get up pretty darn early to serve me breakfast in bed. What would I like to see on the tray? A steaming cup of coffee, french toast, some fresh fruit, and a nice piece of jewelry. Hey, it is Mother's Day!

2. What is one piece of advice you would give a new mother?

Be in the moment. Enjoy the moment. Don't spend each season of childhood wishing for the next. Enjoy the days because the years they are a-fleeting.

3. When was the last time you wanted to scream? Explain.

Well, I just wrote three paragraphs about a recent trip to the grocery store and the many frustrations I experienced there. It sounded super whiny so I deleted it and instead will just say that shopping trip about did me in. I will spare you the details. You are welcome.

4. Can you hula hoop?

No. If you saw my hips you would think surely this woman can hula hoop but I have two daughters who are miniature in size and they can both hula for hours. They barely move and that hoop just spins and spins.

5. What is something people do in traffic that really bothers you?

I think most of my pet peeves revolve around driving. If I'm only picking one I'll say people driving slow in the fast lane and people texting. Okay that's two but come on people!!

6. What do you do when people don't admit they're wrong?

Feel a sense of injustice and quietly fume. I get over things pretty quickly though.

7. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word 'fun'?

My husband.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

This picture is from my very first Mother's Day...

I remember that day...hubs was out of town on a business trip and I spent the weekend with my family. My sister had us all for lunch and this picture was taken in her backyard. Such sweetness.

This year I will be helping that tiny little thing move her furniture from one state to another. There will be sweating and steps and heavy lifting and driving and more sweating and more heavy lifting. Not the same sort of fun as my first Mother's Day but the sweetness is still there.

In fact I'd say it's even sweeter.

May Day May Day...don't miss this week's questions!

I really enjoyed participating in the A-Z challenge but am happy to once again be blogging about everyday life. I have some big stuff going on around here this week so in all likelihood I won't get to do a lot of posting. I will definitely be around for the Hodgepodge though so if you'd like to join the fun post your answers on your own blog or facebook and come back tomorrow (Wednesday) for the link. Here are this week's questions...

1. Have you ever been served breakfast in bed? Do you enjoy that? If someone were serving you breakfast in bed this coming weekend what would you hope to see on the tray?

2. What is one piece of advice you would give a new mother?

3. When was the last time you wanted to scream? Explain.

4. Can you hula hoop?

5. What is something people do in traffic that really bothers you?

6. What do you do when people don't admit they're wrong?

7. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word 'fun'?

8. Insert your own random thought here.