We Are Family

We took the girls to the airport this afternoon. Let me just tell you that is no fun at all. And you can't help but notice other families milling around the terminal seemingly in the same boat. Its pretty easy to recognize the parent of a college student in an airport following a holiday....they are trying hard not to cry. It's also easy to recognize the college students... they are trying hard not to smile. Oh I know mine love me and love being home but after 3 1/2 weeks they are ready to get back to school and friends and normal daily life.

When my kids were in highschool and began the college search my thoughts always centered on 'them'...the kids. What would they become in those college years. How would they handle the opportunities and the challenges? I imagined the college years would be a time for my daughters to grow in confidence and become women connected to, but independent of, their mother. Who knew the college years would also be about me? How would I handle the opportunities and the challenges?

For sure my girls have become more confident and definitely more independent since heading off to university but the road to that independence started long before they left for college. It began the day they took their first step, maybe even with that first short crawl. Independence is a process and it happens in baby steps that are so small you don't see them as they are happening. And then one day you look back and think, wow, my child is growing up. By the time my firstborn baby boarded a plane for South Carolina and left us crying a continent away, well I'd say she was well on her way to independence.

Me though? Not so much. I was defined in large part by my role as a mother and while that will never end it does change. While my children were growing in their independence my love for them was growing too...bigger and deeper and more every minute of every day. It's natural for children to begin making their own decisions, holding their own opinions, establishing their own lives. But that doesn't feel natural to the parent. Our instincts when it comes to our children have always been to hold and protect and our lives have become more joined with every passing year. It has been in these college years that I have come face to face with the fact that my children are in fact adults. I don't think this means they don't need me anymore. I'm long past the college years myself but I still turn to my mother for advice, comfort and wisdom and I think and hope my girls will do the same. But I also recognize that these babies I've raised are people now. Grown people who will love and sorrow, succeed and fail, continue to grow and change and become all that God intends for them to be for the rest of their lives. Just like me.

This house that has felt so full for the past month feels very quiet tonite. In fact it feels bare. Where there were kids lounging on a sofa there is just a blanket that needs folding.. sheets that were slept on (for hours and hours and hours) are now in the washing machine.. two places were set for dinner...two instead of four. That sounds a little bit sad and if I'm honest I'll admit that it is. And that's okay. Because tonite I am also feeling thankful. Thankful for every happy memory, for family meals and conversation, for bedtime hugs, for secrets shared...for the way our lives are intertwined forever and for always no matter how far we travel or how old we grow.

You say you want a resolution

Bloggers are linking their New Year's Resolutions for 2010 over on Kelly's Korner today. I thought I'd add mine...

I wrote a little bit here about setting some goals for the new year. Like most people I have a few things on my list relating to healthy habits and organization, projects to complete...typical New Years stuff. I see those projects as a sort of to-do list...things to accomplish in 2010. They will certainly make me a healthier and better organized person so I'll absolutely be working to accomplish those goals but I feel like the word resolution goes a little bit deeper.

I've made just two 'resolutions' to really focus on in this new year-

1. Let the law of kindness reign in my home. The word kindness has been dancing around my brain in recent weeks and when I read the prayer posted here I knew I wanted to adopt 'the law of kindness' as my #1 resolution for 2010. I love the quote by Mother Teresa that says, "Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile." And the 'no one' should include my own family.

2. I've joined in a 31 Day Challenge here, the goal of which is to read the Book of Proverbs during the month of January. 31 Chapters in 31 days so it works out nicely. I've read Proverbs at various times in my life but it seems particularly fitting at the beginning of this new year. I need to know what it is I should be doing with my life. Wow. That sounds huge. And I feel like it is. Because I am at a crossroads of sorts. After an eventful year centered around an International move I'm feeling pretty much at home in our new house and town. I am now longing for purpose and am praying God opens a door for me and makes that purpose clear. I want wisdom in the year 2010.

In the second chapter of Proverbs Solomon says, "...if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments...making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding, yes if you call out for insight...and search for it like hidden treasures ..then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God."

Kindness and wisdom in 2010...it would even make a pretty good bumper sticker don't ya think?

Sweatin' with the oldies

Yesterday daughter2 joined me in my workout. I'm still trying to decide how I feel about that. Here's how it went...

I wake up at the crack of dawn. I get out of bed and drink approximately 347 cups of coffee. I check email. I have more coffee. I write a blog post. I have more coffee. I give myself a little pep talk about why I need to get the exercise clothes on and just do it! I pull on my workout pants, a t-shirt, a pair of socks and a fleece. Because it's cold in my house in the early morning. And it's now only about 7:15. And Daughter2 is snoozing all snug in her bed.

Naturally.

We had settled on the time of 10 am to meet up with Jillian so I have hours to fill...I read today's chapter in Proverbs, I straighten up the family room, I make my bed, I load the dishwasher-loudly-thinking maybe just maybe daughter2 will wake up if she hears a little commotion, yeah right. I take the dog out, I pay some bills online, I read some blogs, I may drink more coffee. I call my mother. I wait. I look in daughter's room to make sure she's still sleeping. As if there were any doubt. I wait some more.

At 10:30 I roust the troops...Daughter2 grumbles and mumbles and I think she's not going to actually meet me in the family room but in a matter of about 60 seconds she has bounced into the room. She looks adorable...she is wearing shorts, a t-shirt, socks and tennis shoes. And she has her water bottle because she's serious like Jillian when it comes to working out. And her hair is all cute and bouncy in a pony tail. Did I mention my hair...yeah, well it's not cute and bouncy.

So we are finally ready. She presses play on the DVD when I notice I'm not wearing any shoes.

'Mooooom!'

Oops...pause please while I get my tennis shoes which are in the garage which is f-ree-zing.

'Ready now' ?

'Yes'.

'Mom...you're wearing a fleece. And pants. You're going to burn up'.

(And there may have been a slight roll of the eyes).

I take off the fleece but I inform her that I'm keeping the sweat pants. Now I'm really ready. Wait. Before we get started I need to run to the loo. Hey, I'm all about keeping it real people. And if you're over 40 reading here then I don't need to explain...but if you're under forty let's just say that women over 40 were not really meant to be doing jumping jacks. Or actually jumping for any reason. And daughter2 cringes when I explain this to her.

Moving on....because as Daughter2 tells me in a tone that sounds a lot like scolding, 'Mom, you're not going to get in the kind of shape you want to be in if you don't do the exercises'. Isn't she sweet? She's like my own little
Marine Corps drill seargentpersonal trainer.

We do the warm up. And I'm already hot and I don't mean this in a good way. I turn the ceiling fan on to superfast. Did I mention daughter1? She is sitting on the couch. Watching. She's on vacation and apparently a workout with Jillian was not on her agenda for the day. She is freezing because I have the ceiling fan going 100 miles an hour. She's wrapped in a blanket. Blogging. I think watching me exercise must be inspiring.

Anyway, there are a lot of great reasons to exercise with your college aged children but I'm not going to list them here. I want to talk about the downside which is this...you're working out, it's hard stuff but you're keeping up and you think you're doing great. You're feeling proud of yourself. You're on the floor holding that plank, doing those crunches...really pushing yourself. And you glance over at your daughter to say hey, look at us, aren't we amazing? But as you glance over to speak what you see are some seriously perfect abs. Abs that look remarkably like some you once possessed. Which you no longer do thanks in part to birthing the child with the perfect abs. And her sister who also has perfect abs even though she sits on the couch watching us work out. And the passing of a couple of decades. And gravity. And too much English cream. Sigh. I think about just collapsing out of that plank flat on my face and having a little pity party. But I don't.

Because daughter2 is nothing if not a cheerleader. And she tells me this is hard. And I did good. And we'll do this again tomorow. And I'm wishing that she were here to be my 'Jillian' every day. She's just as tough but way more fun. And cute. Did I mention the cute?

Good Fortune

Last night I was all set to prepare dinner before realizing I wasn't. Am I the only one who does this? Let's back up to Monday night when I had originally planned to serve a yummy pasta dish made with shrimp, asparagus and pancetta...the girls and I had stopped at a supermarket out near the mall on Monday since it was convenient. I didn't like the look of the produce in that store so I went with Plan B for dinner Monday night and figured I'd make the pasta dish on Tuesday. Yesterday we popped into our usual market to pick up the last minute items we'd need but as I was pulling everything out to actually cook I realized we'd forgotten something essential.

And I guess the 'we' here would technically be me.

Note to self: A list. Never leave home without one. Your brain isn't 20 anymore. In fact your brain isn't even 30 anymore. And I could go on but I think I've made my point.

So it was on to Plan C...we went out for Chinese food. I love that my husband is always happy to eat out and we all love Chinese food. We had such a nice time talking and laughing...just one of those family dinners that was relaxed and happy and fun. Oh, and the icing on the cake? My husband's fortune...

I think this one's a keeper.

A To Do List

I've decided to do a better job at making lists each week so life doesn't just happen. I mean life does just happen but I want to be intentional about accomplishing something each day and I do better with a list.

Today-

1. Get rid of the Christmas Chex Mix-and by get rid of I don't mean eat what's left. I mean toss it. The combination of sweet and salty is perfection but enough is enough. If you've never made this version click here for the recipe. You may not want it this week but there will come a day...trust me. I use red and green m & ms for the Christmas version but you could use pastels and call it Easter Chex Mix. Not that I'll be doing that of course.

2. Along these same lines-empty the frig already. Seriously. Before someone gets hurt. Trying to find the mustard is like playing a game of Eye Spy. There is just way too much in there.

2. Sticking with my theme here-get reacquainted with Jillian today. She might not even remember my name its been so long. I remember her though. 'nuff said.

3. There's more-wake daughter2 who has promised to work out with me at the very hotly debated and intensely negotiated time of 9 am. Why so early mom? Why so late daughter2?

4. And speaking of daughters-take the ornaments off the Christmas trees and put away the decorations around the house while I have elves here to help me. Why is putting it away so much less fun than setting it all up? And why doesn't it all go back into the containers and boxes the same way it came out? Am I the only one who ends up with miscellaneous items that seemingly have no storage container? I mean it all came out of these boxes didn't it?

5. Take daughters to lunch at French cafe in town. While at lunch discuss important stuff like

'you're graduating and there are a milliontrillion things to do this term to be ready to face the world in May'

and...

'eat right, talk to God every day, study hard, get enough sleep'

and...

'why oh why did Jake keep Michelle on The Bachelor...didn't he see Fatal Attraction'?

And while we're on the subject of The Bachelor dear daughters, do I need to remind you that you cannot possibly know in the span of one obviously alcohol enhanced hour spent with millions viewing that you have met the love of your life? I thought not. But I might say it anyway because I'm a mother and that's just how I roll. And dear daughters will roll their eyes and say, M-ooooo-m!, in that way only a nearly grown up child can because that's just how they roll.

6. Finally, remember that my children are not back in the nest to stay...they're home for a break that is rapidly coming to a close. Think about that.

Wait...scratch that last one. Definitely don't think about that. Which may be even harder than an hour spent with Jillian.

Happy 101

Sometime around Christmas Rebecca over at The Reluctant Homefront gave me a blog award. Course it was crazy on the blog here in December (not to mention real life) so I thought I'd save it to post in the New Year.

The Happy 101 award is given to someone who brightens your day...how nice! Thanks Rebecca! If you haven't visited her blog be sure to stop by...she's a very talented writer. As you know blog awards are all about sharing the love so I'm to post 10 things that make me happy and try to make at least one of them part of my day today. Then I'm to pass the award on to 10 bloggers who brighten my day. Let's start with 10 things that brighten my day and make me happy...

1. Daughters-

Seriously these girls are into my heart so deep...they are the sweetest.

2. the beauty of creation-

I love the changing seasons...

the vastness of the ocean, the beauty of the mountains,

a big blue sky...being outdoors makes me happy.

Oh and for the record that is NOT me on the side of Mt. Blanc...I am actually inside a precariously hanging cable car going up the side of Mt. Blanc...almost as scary as what they're doing but slightly warmer.

3. books-I love books... love reading them, owning them, libraries, bookstores...words make me happy. I think you probably guessed that.

4. travel-if there is one thing living abroad taught me it is this....I will never see all there is to see in this big wide world. I'd like to try though.

5. photographs-I enjoy taking pictures. I'm not very good at it but I love photographs and I especially love the way a photo brings the memory of a person or event right back to now.

6. music-I love the way music creates emotion...the way a particular song takes me back to a place and time in my head...sometimes I smile, sometimes I cry...I love that music can make that happen.

7. cooking-I know there are women who hate cooking but I'm not one of them. I love to cook. I love trying new recipes and I like tasting new foods and hosting dinner parties for friends and family and making traditional tried and true dishes for holiday gatherings. I enjoy being in my kitchen and spend a lot of time there.

8. a good haircut-oh I know this sounds completely shallow but getting a great haircut and some perfectly perfect sun kissed highlights can make even the best day better. I'm overdue for this one so hopefully this week.

9. shoes- There...I said it. I love shoes and a great pair of shoes can definitely make me happy. I realize we're not talking eternal happiness here but my list of happies is more about the everyday stuff in life that makes me smile.

10. marriage-I like being married and having someone to share my life with...I can't imagine my life without this guy who after 25 years can still make me laugh. He can also make me crazy.

Mostly though he makes me laugh.

Now I'm to pass this award on to 10 bloggers who brighten my day...I know people don't always want to play along so no pressure...just know that visiting your blog brightens my day so thanks for that!

1. Sincerely Shannon-okay, this is my daughter's brand new blog which she only just started a couple of days ago but I know I'm going to enjoy reading here. I'm passing this along to her because she definitely brightens my day plus when you're new to blogging it's nice to have some posts like these to get you started...stop in and say hello...she's a sweetie!

2. The Lumberjack's Wife- I love this blog...she is funny and adorable. When I read it I always think we'd be friends and then I remember I'm old enough (almost) to be her mother. But I still think we'd be friends and I love reading here...it's one of my favorites. Oh and I'm way more technically savvy than her parents : )

3. Carpool Queen's Blog-okay I know we'd be friends in real life. We share a love of pottery and creme brulee for starters..what more do you need?

4. Joy in the Journey-Carol and I have totally bonded thru our ex pat experiences and I'm so hoping we meet in real life once she's back in the states.

5. Psalm 145:4-of course I'd include Valerie in this list...she is one of my first blog friends and sometimes I forget we've never met in person. Hoping 2010 is the year!

6. Odom Party of Five-as I'm writing this list I'm realizing there are lots of bloggers I'd love to meet in real life and Lisa is one of them. She's not too far from my girls so maybe one of these days on a trip south. Or when she comes to NYC : )

7. It Only Gets Better-Rebekah takes beautiful pictures and has adorable children and does crafty stuff that's lovely. Oh and we're facebook friends-that's real life isn't it?

8. Tempo and Speed-speaking of taking beautiful photographs...this is my sister in law's blog so of course I love to visit here. And I do know her in real life. Honest.

9. Jill Boyd's Place- we 'met' thru the Random Dozen hosted by Second Cup of Coffee...that counts right?

10. Tales from my Empty Nest-Melinda is a sweetie...she was also one of my first blog friends and we mostly communicate by email now. We'll definitely meet one of these days...I need a road trip to NC this year!

A Wise Resolution

So it's the second day of a new year...how many of us are already feeling let down by our resolution to do or be or act differently than in years past? I like to set goals for myself for a new year and as I've gotten older I've learned not to be quite as hard on myself as I might have been a few years ago. Like most people I want to make changes in my life. But I also tend to be a perfectionist of sorts and can develop an attitude that if I've messed up I might as well give up. Forget about the resolution altogether. If I can't meet the expectation perfectly then I might as well not even try. I've reached a point in life though where I've learned to give myself permission to start over again, to re-resolve if you will. Is that cheating? I don't think so...I mean my goal is to make a change in some area of my life and if it takes 380 days as opposed to 365 well, the ultimate goal has still been met...I've eliminated a bad habit, established a good habit, grown in some area, learned something.

I'm joining in a 31 Day Challenge over at Pete Wilson's blog and I encourage you to check it out. He is inviting anyone who is interested to read thru the book of Proverbs during the month of January and since there are 31 chapters in Proverbs and 31 days in January the two are made for each other. I'm reading the ESV version of the Bible and the notes at the start of the book say the purpose of Proverbs is to instill wisdom in her readers, '...practical wisdom-instruction in wise dealing, intellectual wisdom-increase learning, moral wisdom-righteousness, justice and equity, and probing-to understand a proverb' ..it is for all people-the naive and the experienced, young and old alike.

And I'm a day late getting started and maybe a few years ago I would have said to myself that if I couldn't begin on day 1 then I wouldn't begin at all. But not today. Today I read two chapters and caught up and hope to stay caught up. What better way to begin a new year? A new decade? A new day?