Sunday, January 10, 2010

We Are Family

We took the girls to the airport this afternoon. Let me just tell you that is no fun at all. And you can't help but notice other families milling around the terminal seemingly in the same boat. Its pretty easy to recognize the parent of a college student in an airport following a holiday....they are trying hard not to cry. It's also easy to recognize the college students... they are trying hard not to smile. Oh I know mine love me and love being home but after 3 1/2 weeks they are ready to get back to school and friends and normal daily life.

When my kids were in highschool and began the college search my thoughts always centered on 'them'...the kids. What would they become in those college years. How would they handle the opportunities and the challenges? I imagined the college years would be a time for my daughters to grow in confidence and become women connected to, but independent of, their mother. Who knew the college years would also be about me? How would I handle the opportunities and the challenges?

For sure my girls have become more confident and definitely more independent since heading off to university but the road to that independence started long before they left for college. It began the day they took their first step, maybe even with that first short crawl. Independence is a process and it happens in baby steps that are so small you don't see them as they are happening. And then one day you look back and think, wow, my child is growing up. By the time my firstborn baby boarded a plane for South Carolina and left us crying a continent away, well I'd say she was well on her way to independence.

Me though? Not so much. I was defined in large part by my role as a mother and while that will never end it does change. While my children were growing in their independence my love for them was growing too...bigger and deeper and more every minute of every day. It's natural for children to begin making their own decisions, holding their own opinions, establishing their own lives. But that doesn't feel natural to the parent. Our instincts when it comes to our children have always been to hold and protect and our lives have become more joined with every passing year. It has been in these college years that I have come face to face with the fact that my children are in fact adults. I don't think this means they don't need me anymore. I'm long past the college years myself but I still turn to my mother for advice, comfort and wisdom and I think and hope my girls will do the same. But I also recognize that these babies I've raised are people now. Grown people who will love and sorrow, succeed and fail, continue to grow and change and become all that God intends for them to be for the rest of their lives. Just like me.

This house that has felt so full for the past month feels very quiet tonite. In fact it feels bare. Where there were kids lounging on a sofa there is just a blanket that needs folding.. sheets that were slept on (for hours and hours and hours) are now in the washing machine.. two places were set for dinner...two instead of four. That sounds a little bit sad and if I'm honest I'll admit that it is. And that's okay. Because tonite I am also feeling thankful. Thankful for every happy memory, for family meals and conversation, for bedtime hugs, for secrets shared...for the way our lives are intertwined forever and for always no matter how far we travel or how old we grow.

14 comments:

  1. My son left last Sunday. He had been home for 18 months, saving money to go back. It's been very quiet here, too, this week. Even though we have four more boys still here.

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  2. Praying for you as you readjust to the girls leaving. Blessings, andrea

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  3. Oh, how I relate to this post. My daughter left today to go back to college. This is her last Christmas break (a whole month!) with us. She is getting married next June. sigh. It really is wonderful she's getting married, just won't be in our nest anymore. Our son got married last summer. You know that parenting thing went by so stinking fast. I got tears in my eye as I hugged my daughter tonight. As I did when I hugged my son when he left after Christmas with his wife for their home. sigh.

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  4. What a sweet post! Sounds like you have a close, loving family. You are blessed!

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  5. Very beautifully said! My daughter will head back to AZ on Thursday and I'm already dreading it.

    Tonight 3 of Courtney's friends stopped by. Hubby, myself, and all 4 of the girls just sat in the family room and we talked and talked. Then the girls headed to Courtney's bedroom, laughing, having fun, just like old times. After they left I had to fight back the tears. Although I love that my kids are beautiful, independent adults, I miss the old days something terrible. I have decided though to not think about how much I miss the past, I'll dwell on what we're able to share here and now!

    I love the part about crying parents but secretly smiling children...so true!

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  6. I'm happy you had a wonderful holiday with your girls home...time will fly and soon it will be summer and the fullness will return. Happy New Year!

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  7. I loved reading this post. It is so sweet. Us girls...we never stop needing our moms ;)

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  8. Spoken/written directly from my heart!! You are such a great writer Joyce and you portrayed my feelings well! If I had more time I´d link to your post, because it´s exactly what I am feeling as well. And the part about smiling kids, is soooo true also. They are just ready to jump back into their lives and we can´t help but hang on to the good times we had....
    Thanks for a great post!!

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  9. I would love to hit the 'pause' button now. You are blessed to have shared in such beautiful memories with your family. Great post.

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  10. Oh I can relate. Doesn't matter how many times we do it, it always brings a tear. {sigh} And now my precious daughter says she'd like to spend the fall quarter in London. Ugh
    Oh well, I guess we've done our job if they continue to spread their wings. Right?

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  11. Beautiful post that captures your feelings so well....I work on focusing on the "thankful" part and letting the rest go...and yes, they will always be a part of our lives, but just in a different way....which means that we've done our job well! OXOX

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  12. You'll never stop missing them when they leave, even after they are married with families of their own--and especially when they take the grandchildren home with them.

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  13. Joyce, I have the same feelings!! You have such a wonderful way of expressing your feelings in writing. You are a very talented writer! I too, am so proud of my girls and all that they have become, but like you, I miss them terribly now that they are not home. I cherish the wonderful memories of times spent while they were growing up and I so hope that they will have these great family times with their own children/families one day. Love & blessings from NC!

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  14. You never outgrow your mother. Ever.

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