It MAY be time for another Random Dozen

Okay, that's lame but these questions were all just so...random. And yes, I know this is 'the weekly random dozen' but most weeks we have a little theme going in the questions and that helps me name my post something really clever. Plus I'm supposed to be doing a million and one things besides blogging so I didn't have time to get creative. I did however, have time to write an entire paragraph explaining that to you. Here we go...link up your answers with Linda over at 2nd Cup if you want to play along!

1.What was the last thing about which you procrastinated?

Uh, did you read the paragraph above? My answer could actually be any of those million and one things I should be doing instead of answering random questions on my blog. I'll go with cleaning my floors. In my defense it was far too humid to vacuum.

2. How long does it take you to fall asleep, and do you sleep through the night?

Are we talking on the couch or when I actually go to bed? Because my hubs and I pretty much agree that there must be some chemical in our sofa that knocks you out the minute you sit down. I do my best sleeping there. Why can’t I sleep like that in my own bed? Normally I fall asleep pretty easily but staying asleep is another story.

3. Which decade would you choose to exemplify your favorite fashion styles?

I like bits and pieces from different decades. It’s too hard to choose just one because looking back now at the clothes we wore in the 70s/80’s/90’s makes them seem ridiculous but they were right for the time. I like clothes with simple lines that are classic in style, whatever the decade.

What I can say without hesitation is that I never want to go back to shoulder pads, jeans that come all the way up to the waist, great big bows in the hair (unless you are part of the under 8 set) or mini minis. No matter how great your legs are, there comes a time when a woman should not wear a mini mini. Shudder.

4. What is your personal best dish to feed a crowd?

Depends on the crowd…I make good meatballs and sauce which everyone loves but I wouldn’t serve it at a fancy party. If I'm having a big family crowd I might bake a ham and get creative on the starters, sides and desserts. If we’re going to a bbq or pot luck sort of event people ask me to bring my pasta salad which is easy peasy and in my mind doesn’t count as cooking but it does disappear fast. Pork tenderloin for a dinner party. Sausage and egg casserole for a brunch or maybe hot chicken salad. My teryiaki chicken is also good for a crowd...I like to cook.

5. Are you an impulse shopper? What was the last thing you bought on impulse?

I'm not an impulse shopper. I bought a bag of Twizzlers the other day...does that count? They were on display and they are my favorite. It was sort of an impulse buy but I have been known to put them on my weekly grocery list so I tend to think of them as a staple.

6. What is one wish you have for your own funeral?

I want the song, We Shall Behold Him sung. The words are beautiful.

7. If it's true that joy is in found in the simple things in life, what does your joy look like today?

Shopping, grilling, running a few of life’s everyday errands, sunshine, sun roof open, music playing loudly while I sing along in the privacy of my own vehicle, Tuesday night tv (writing this on Tuesday obviously) anticipation of time with my girls....

8. What is your favorite type of bread?

I love rye bread. I love rosemary focaccia bread baked with a little sea salt. Homemade cinnamon bread. My grandmothers yeast rolls. An everything bagel. Hmmm...maybe you should rephrase the question.

9. What trait do you fear developing the most? (Laziness, greediness, grumpiness, etc.)

becoming a worry wart…it’s genetic

10. What trait would you like most to develop?

Self discipline in exercise. Actually I could carry the whole self discipline concept into other parts of my life too.

11. Which room in your house best reflects your personality? Why?

My sunroom. It is bright and sunny (duh)…it has windows all around so I can see the beauty of the seasons and it is quiet, a perfect place to read and think and dream. I’m cheerful, love to be outdoors, and need my space to read and think and dream.

12. How do you maintain balance in your life regarding, work, family, church, other organizations and activities, and blogging?

Well, start with an empty nest. Life is pretty much wide open after that. At this point in my life the challenge is in filling the time, not managing it.

More than a feeling

Today's post is part of this week's one word blog carnival...visit Bridget to read more posts on the word-Joy

something is wrong

can you come home?

a million black spots dance in front of my eyes

they're everywhere

emergency room

jam packed

every room full

blood pressure skyrockets

lie down now

on a table in the hall please

and still it climbs

and climbs some more

officially scary

admitted

prepare to deliver

it's too early

baby is too small

tests

more tests

lie on your left side please

24/7

3 long days in hospital

every day might be the day

every moment the moment

day number 4

go home but...

lie on your left side please

for the next six weeks

no buts

see doctor 4 times a week

a short ride in the car

still it climbs

lie on your left side please

and back down it goes

not normal

but better than a skyrocket

wait

talk to God

talk to baby

wait some more

on my left side

days pass

weeks too

hello due date

visit doctor

induce tomorrow

go home

water breaks

return

tell me please

what is up with my blood pressure?!?

very scary now

baby arrives

ITS A GIRL

she's not crying

dr. tells her to cry

so she does

such a good girl

from minute one

oh so tiny

sweetness and perfection

dr. lays her on my chest

my daughter

this is my daughter

big beautiful eyes

that look right into mine

and so it begins

it starts in my heart

no

somewhere deeper

it overflows

is there even a word?

days unfold

and months go by

years too

laughter and tears

sunshine and rain

then once upon a suddenly is here

baby daughter is grown up girl

she looks into my eyes

I feel it still

more than happiness

so very much more

there is a word

that word is joy

Another Fork Stuck in the Road

Can she write any more about graduation? Why yes, yes she can.

I am probably going to be a little scarce in the blogosphere in the next couple of weeks, give or take a day here and there. We will be celebrating our daughter1's university graduation, moving our daughter2 out of her dorm for the summer, and taking a much needed but too short family holiday before hubs summer travel and the girls summer jobs kick into gear. Do you ever feel a little bit anxious about a holiday ending before it has even begun? That's how I'm feeling right now...we haven't even gotten started and I'm already dreading the vacation coming to a close. Crazy I know but I am so looking forward to family time that has only been had in snippets and weekends and hours and minutes since I don't know when. I cannot wait for uninterrupted forced family fun as we like to call it in our house.

Are you paranoid on your blog? I am vague on dates and times and places but lets just say lots is going on somewhere sometime in the next couple of weeks or so and leave it at that. I may check in but more than likely I will enjoy family and friends and my toes in the sand and save all my many words to share for later when its all a happy memory. I'll give you fair warning when that post goes up so you'll know to settle back with a grande cup o coffee. Or a grande glass o wine.

Lately I've been wondering if some parents approach their first born's university graduation and find that all of their thoughts run along the lines of, "Good job honey!" and "Isn't it going to be nice to only have one tuition bill instead of two?!" or as hubs likes to say, "Hey we're getting a raise!" Or maybe they think , "Okay, get out there and start working so we can take you off the payroll at home?" I mean I have those thoughts too because let's face it, college
kidscan make you feel a little bit like a human ATM, but that's only one part of the experience. Mostly I find myself thinking, where did the college years go? Where did my thirties go? And my forties? Because of course her graduation is all about me.

And I know its not really all about me but when you are a parent, no matter what other jobs and responsibilities you may have, you are somewhat defined by that one title... parent. My daughter has attended school far from home. For the first three years of her university life we were separated by an ocean. We are still many states and miles apart. Yet we are not far apart. She is so much a part of my heart that distance becomes a funny thing.

We've learned a lot during the college years. I mean that is what we paid
a gazillion dollars for, right? But not all of the learning has come from a textbook or the mouth of a professor either...lots of life has been learned too...in living with a roomate or three, in managing and sometimes not managing your time and money, in making choices and decisions about a thousand different things. And yes I did say we because its not just the student who learns...parents also pick up a few things along the way....

you learn how to walk that fine line between encouraging and enabling

when to step in and help and when to let the chips fall where they may

you learn when to hold on tight and when to let go

you learn, much to your hearts worry and relief, that you will never completely let go

you discover that you are no longer chatting and giggling with a little girl but instead you are in deep discussions with a young woman who has hopes and dreams and plans for her future

okay maybe you still giggle

you talk about big stuff, heavy stuff...world hunger, our government, right and wrong,

black and white and all the shades of gray

you see thru the eyes of a 21 year old girl once more

you remember your own 21 year old self and your hopes and dreams

and plans for your future

only you are living that future and it is different and better than any

dream or plan you made

and you pray your daughter finds that too

George Bernard Shaw is credited with the saying, "Youth is wasted on the young". In other words, they have much freedom without much responsibility and what's worse is they don't even know it. Or appreciate it. I mean, let's face it, mortgage payments, sick children, taxes, aging parents...that's the real and serious stuff life holds for most of us.

In youth we are given the luxury of time and imagination and possibility. It only lasts a moment but in that moment dreams take root and hope grows. And maybe we don't recognize that when we are 21 and are wasting time eating pizza with friends at 2 am, but one day down the road real life will kick in. And when it does, I'm thankful for the hopes and dreams that were planted in youth. I know my daughters will be too.

What about prom, Blaine?

Name that movie. This week's Flashback Friday theme is 'your highschool prom' and I'm thinking its going to be all about the pictures. I don't have a lot of memories from the actual event but I do have a lovely picture. Aren't all prom pictures oh so lovely?

I went to a huge highschool. Our senior prom was held at a catering house that people could rent for banquets and weddings and such, and it could accommodate our very big crowd. I spent four years of highschool homeroom sitting beside the boy whose family owned the place because alphabetically that's how we rolled.

I didn't have a boyfriend then so a friend played matchmaker. I haven't seen that friend since highschool but we've recently connected again on facebook. Don't you just love the miracle of the internet? Anyway, she put us together and I went with a very nice boy. We talked on the phone a few times and we went out once before the prom I guess to make sure it wouldn't be extraordinarily awkward but essentially the prom was our big date.

I definitely remember the theme song. Having a theme song was the tradition in our school. Several songs were put on a ballot and sometime early in the year the whole class voted. My brother graduated a few years before me and his theme was Precious and Few. Some songs are just meant to be a highschool prom theme.

Ours was ' The Goodbye Girl'. The movie had come out the year before and I don't remember what the other choices were but this one fit that prom theme genre. One class before ours used Kiss Today Goodbye and Point Me Toward Tomorrow...try putting that on a souvenir glass. Because isn't there always a souvenir glass? When we saw my in laws at Easter they brought a few things from their house to hand over and one of them was hubs mug from his senior prom. Always and Forever in case you're wondering about his theme.

Back to my memory...we didn't get a limo..maybe some people did but I don't think that was as popular then as it is now. I did get my hair done. And there were flowers. And I will preface the posting of the picture by telling you that it was 1978 so be kind.

My daughters laugh at this picture...they say it looks like we're getting married and I guess they do have a point. The off white Gunny Sax dress, the baby roses....it does have a bit of a wedding feel I suppose.

I don't have any specific memories of the actual event. We had dinner, we danced...I think you know how I feel about 70's music. It was a fun night. David Gates was the lead singer for a group called Bread...do I need to tell you this? I feel I need to tell some of you this. Because some of you who read here weren't even a twinkle in your parent's eye when I was at my highschool prom.

'...Goodbye doesn't mean forever...Goodbye doesn't mean we'll never be together again...'

I'm sure that lyric is why we chose the song as our theme. There is something that makes soon to be graduates feel nostalgic and emotional...like they want to hang on to those days for a little bit longer. When you're 17 and you're leaving friends behind to venture out into the world those lyrics are comforting. We had no inkling there was a facebook in our future. In fact we had no inkling there was an internet in our future. All we knew was that these were the people we'd known since childhood and we weren't quite ready to say goodbye.

Visit Mocha with Linda for more prom memories...better yet, share your own. Or post your prom picture if you're reading this on fb....you know you want to.

Its all in the mind

I'm heading out to the gym this morning because later I must go shopping for a swim suit and ew. I'm hoping the gym will do something magical today to make the swim suit shopping bearable. Is anyone else surprised when they see themselves in the three way mirror? Do you find yourself thinking, 'That's not what I look like?' I remember when I could buy a bathing suit because I liked the color or the pattern. I didn't have to think about things like fabric and holding things in and covering things up. Everything was right where it should be. And there was nothing extra. Now it is all about tricking the eye.

Of course today I may be distracted from the swim suit nightmare by the blinding whiteness of my legs. It has not exactly been sun bathing weather in these parts...34 degrees yesterday morning. Yeah. We're supposed to hit 80 degrees on Saturday so there's hope. Monday I will visit my wonderful hairdresser who will perform a little magic of his own and make my hair look sun kissed too. The battle against aging is harder some days than others.

Most days I feel much younger than I actually am. But very soon I will find myself standing amidst a gaggle of 20-something girls. And there is nothing quite like standing amidst a gaggle of 20-something girls, tanned and slim in their adorable little sundresses, to make you realize that no siree, you are not one of them an.y.more. Whoa, when did that happen? How did that happen? Wasn't that just me? Apparently not.

Oh I know with age comes wisdom and lines around the eyes mean you've lived and blah blah blah. It's not that I dislike my age. I don't...in fact I like it very much. It's just that what I see on the outside is not what I feel on the inside. And sometimes that is disconcerting. And standing in front of a three-way mirror without a tan, in need of highlights and dressed in a swimsuit would for sure be one of those times.

Y'all have a great day too!

Forgive me but I seem to be lost in the random dozen

So glad we didn't put any plants outside yet...it got down into the 30's last night. brrrr. But the sun is shining this morning and the plumber is on his way and its random dozen day so all is good. Join in the fun and link your answers over at Lid's.

1.Have you ever been so lost that you were really afraid?

No. Annoyed yes, but afraid no.

2. Have you ever been to an island?

Many times. Starting with the day I was born in the city of Honolulu on the lovely island of Oahu. And we’ve taken lots of island holidays… Aruba, St Thomas, St. Lucia, Puerto Rico, Capri.

Then there is my most favorite island of them all. England. Course island is not the first thing that comes to mind when you say Great Britain but still…it is an island.

It’s maybe not your palm tree, sipping something tropical thru a straw in a coconut while watching waves delicately lap the white sands kind of island... I'd say that England is more of the sipping a pint in a cozy pub on a damp and chilly gray sky day variety... and that's good too.

3. Are you more of a thinker or feeler?

I think this is the hardest question. I am a thinking feeler.

4. Do you tend to see issues or situations in life as black and white or shades of gray?

There are some issues I do believe are black and white. But there are many issues that are shades of gray and I make room for the gray.

5. If you were stuck on an island, what book would you hope to have with you (Let's pretend the Bible is already there, so you can't say that.)?

Anne of Green Gables. I never get tired of reading this one.

6. What are you most afraid of?

Not making a difference in the world.

7. Would you rather lose all of your old memories or never be able to make new ones?

Ick. Don’t like this one. I’m going to say no new ones. But ick.

8. Pretend I'm looking at a scrapbook page about you. There are three spaces for you to drop in individual pictures. What are those pictures of, and why did you select them?

A picture of me with my sibs… because we shared our growing up years and they know all my strengths and failings and still love me. They'll even forgive me for posting this picture.

A picture of me with my hubs and girlies on a holiday in Italy somewhere in the world….because we all love to travel and we've laughed and explored and loved being together in places far from home.

A picture of my little family in England…because those were years that changed us and that bound us to one another in a way I really can't describe.

9. If you were re-doing your wedding, what would you do differently? (If you're single, tell me one thing you would do if you were planning a wedding OR huge party.)

Well, I’d love to have it recorded on videotape. When we married videotaping your ceremony was a fairly new concept. But I would so love to be able to watch it now and also to share it with our girls.

10. Tell me one thing you know/believe about forgiveness.

Wow…I’m pretty sure entire books have been written on this topic so its hard to choose just one thing. Hmmm…I know this: Because of God's indescribable grace and mercy, I’m forgiven.

I like this little blurb-

‘Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. If you twist it into something it was never meant to be, it can make you a doormat or an insufferable manipulator. Forgiving seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the wrong they do. But forgiving is love's power to break nature's rule.’ ~Lewis B. Smedes


11. You're waiting in a doctor's office. What is your favorite way to pass that time?

Read. That’s pretty much my favorite way to pass the time anywhere.

12. If there were a clone of you in a parallel universe what is one way you hope she/he would be the same as you and one way you hope she/he would be better?

I would hope she would mother like me. And she would definitely hate carbs and love to exercise.

Such are the dreams of the everyday housewife

So today was one of those days that had me wondering how I ever managed to have a job and a life. Course back when I had a job I didn't have a blog so there's some
hours minutes accounted for. I like my mornings. More specifically I like my morning routine which is really not so much a routine as it is drinking lots of coffee in my pjs while I read my favorite blogs and then write a post of my own.

Today began with a needle in the arm and without coffee. I can handle the needle but I need my coffee. I don't care at all about skipping breakfast...I rarely eat breakfast early anyway. But please, just give me my coffee and no one will get hurt. The needle is no big deal...just a follow up of a follow up of a follow up on my cholesterol which you can add to the ever lengthening list of things that fall apart as you age ever so gracefully.

Anyway, it was done, I came home and had coffee. On to the next thing which was gearing up for another adventure with needles. Hers...

Oh she was not a happy camper. She does not like going to the vet. She's so funny because she prances right into the office and lays flat out on the floor and all the other people waiting admire her behavior and tell me how lucky I am to have a dog who just plops down on the floor while theirs is clambering over their shoulders or wrapped around their neck all while barking madly in their efforts to escape. Not mine. She lounges. And doesn't make a sound.

Course they don't go in the exam room with us. She somehow manages to wedge herself all the way into the corner and there is no getting her up. So the vet and I end up in a ridiculous pose down on the floor with me trying to lift her backside and the vet calling plays like go left, go right, hold. I count the hours spent at the vet as part of my daily aerobic workout.

And lets not talk about what that cost. Oh. my. word. We needed to refill the tick and flea meds and refill the heartworm meds and of course pay for the visit and then there was some additional medication and some blood work to check her thyroid and oh.my.word. If ever a pet owner should have purchased pet insurance it was this pet owner. We had a mixed breed dog for 15 years before this pure bred expensive sweetheart entered the picture. And the dog we paid $0 for and who was of the Heinz 57 variety rarely set foot in the vets office. This sweet thing on the other hand?

She had a file the size of War and Peace by the time she was six months old.

C'est la vie. That's another to-do done and it's back home to take a shower because I'm sure I have dog drool somewhere on my person. The next thing on my list is to go have some passport pictures made for a visa I'm hoping to need later this summer and may I just say that was tres unpleasant. The picture taking I mean, not the trip. I asked the girl to do a retake but its still awful. And I'm never sure if I'm permitted to smile or not smile because immigration is strict about that kind of thing these days. She said she thought I could smile but not to go crazy. Um. Okay. Did I look like I might go crazy on ya?

I ran a couple of errands before heading back home once more and it's late afternoon and I'm just now getting online. I'm supposed to be looking at flight availability right this very minute yet, here I am on my blog. And I know you're glad because truly, this is scintillating stuff, isn't it? Actually I've already looked at flights and its going to require a clearer head than mine which is slightly distracted by the thought of what I'm making for dinner, who will stink on American Idol tonite, and what song will be re mixed on Glee later. I heart Tuesday night tv. What was I supposed to be doing again? Oh yeah, hubs wants me to go along on one of his work trips this summer and it may not pan out so I don't want to get too excited. I will tell you this much...we have a bazillion and then some frequent flyer miles, but using them? That requires the tactical skills of an army battalion. Or at least more coffee than I've had today. Which is why I'm currently brewing coffee.

And... we've come full circle, back to my first thought on this post. Amazingly I used to have a full time job where I was responsible for stuff. Lots of stuff. And people too. Sometimes I think I got far more accomplished when I had a paying job. And I toy with the idea of a job but my hubs has a stressful job and its nice for me to be home taking care of life. I mean someone has to take the dog to the vet, meet the plumber (that's tomorrows fun), let the piano tuner in the house or for that matter, book the piano tuner, arrange summer storage for daughter2's belongings, manage the calendar of hair/dental/doctor/appointments, return library books etc., etc. not to mention being ready and available to hop on a plane when the opportunity presents itself. Is there a job that allows time for that?

I didn't think so.