P.S.

Thanks for all the sweet comments on my previous post. I feel like I must add that I truly was not having myself a grand ole pity party. Here's the thing...I like to put my thoughts and feelings into words sometimes and a blog is a good place to do that. Believe me when I say I never lose sight of the many blessings I've been given and I certainly don't want to sound ungrateful.

I guess what I was trying to say is that this too is a season of life to be lived. Some bloggers write about how tiring their infants and young children are, the tediousness and exhaustion of those days that feel like they will never end. Others write about their tweens and teens and dealing with back talk and sloppy bedrooms and demanding adolescents. And I write about this season...a suddenly empty nest combined with a transatlantic move and some raging hormones all of which occasionally combine to form an emotional cyclone. I wasn't complaining...just observing. Sometimes intent is hard to pin point in the blogosphere.

Anyway, it's Friday evening and you know what that means...dinner out. House rules say I never cook on Friday. Hubs likes it that way so we're heading out shortly to welcome the weekend. Hope yours is grand!

Is she ever going to shut up about that?

Mmm....probably not. We've been back in the states for just over a year now. Some days it feels like we left England yesterday and some days it feels as if that life never happened. It's been a year filled with figuring out a life that is different than the one I left behind. Moving was not something new for us... we've moved a lot. And we've left behind people and places we loved every single time. But this time a whole way of living was left behind too and that, I think, has been the challenge.

I know with every move I make I need to give myself a year in order for a place to feel like home. To find doctors and dentists and the all important hair stylist. To learn the roads, the supermarkets, the shopping....to find the fun. It's probably because we have moved a lot that we tend to get out and see and do whatever there is to see and do wherever we are... life is meant to be grabbed and savored and lived. We think we'll be in this house for the next several years but we've been surprised by opportunity in the past so Carpe Diem it is.

Besides the obvious, this move has been different than previous moves in a couple of big ways, the first one being no kids living at home. When you move with school aged children, like it or not, you have to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get on with it. They need to get up and out the door in the morning. They need lunches made, dinners cooked, rides to ballet, the ball field, to have play dates and friends over. They connect with people and consequently you connect with people who are in a similar place in the parenting spectrum. Suddenly I have days to fill and very little of anything that is required. I could stay in my pjs all day every day. I could lay on the couch and watch tv all day every day. Did I mention that this move also coincided with the hormones going berserk?

Now, rest assured I don't stay in my pjs all day. And I don't lay on the couch and watch tv all day either. Some days I want to but hey, don't we all? The thing is I'm not a lay around kind of girl. I'm a person who needs to be doing. I know that some of the things I've felt this year I would have felt anyway. My kids would be off at school whether I was here or there. My big birthday would be rolling around regardless of where I was living and that's a good thing, right? And I'm pretty sure hormones are a worldwide phenomenon.

I mentally make lists of the good and the not so good. The things I loved there that aren't here and the things here that I missed there. I definitely fall into the glass half full camp in life and even though this post may make you question that I do stay focused on the good these days...for instance-

I can get in my car inside my garage without sucking in my stomach and standing sideways.

I can swing the car door all the way open without hitting another car/stone wall/person/hedge.

I never have to pull onto the verge on a two lane road in order for another car to pass while I fervently pray we don't lock side mirrors.

I can pull my car into and out of a parking space without doing a twenty five point turn.

But the roads are not charming. And I get honked at for not hitting 0-60 in .7 seconds when a traffic light changes. And people are not courteous when you are trying to pull into traffic...in fact they quite often pretend they don't see you.

I can get in my car and be at the mall in 15 minutes. Or Target. Or the library, bank, post office, supermarket. Anywhere. And when I'm there I can buy just about anything I want. And I can go any time of day or night...the shoppes don't close at 5 PM. And there are banks open seven days a week.

I have to get in my car to get anywhere. No more walking into town. Do I really need the bank to be open seven days a week?

I love my house. I love the way it sits on the lot, the colors, the ginormous closets and lots of them, my central vac, reading in my sun room, my own sink in the master bath and hubs own sink way way way over on the other side of the master bath...the counters and cabinets underneath the sinks with lots of drawers and cabinets to hold all my 'stuff', space for the pool table...oh and did I mention the closets???

Renting means when something breaks you call the landlord and say, "something is broken" and they get it fixed. And they pay for it too.

It's beautiful here. I love the woods behind our house...

I love to look out my kitchen window and see deer and fox and chipmunks and birds of every type and color and even the occasional bear.

I love the changing seasons. The autumn was so pretty here it sometimes took my breath away. And snow piled high and dripping from the trees like icing on a wedding cake...just gorgeous.

There is nothing like a big beautiful English garden.

So much happened in that English garden.

Birds hung out, fish were observed, flowers bloomed...

Bees were stalked...

croquet was played...guitars were strummed

Countless Frisbees were thrown and countless soccer balls were kicked by countless teenagers every. single. week.

Meals were eaten, newspapers were read, and naps were taken on warm sunny days.

There were no mosquitos to bother us and daylight in summertime lasted til forever.

I think of our English garden and I think of that quote by Thomas Fuller that says,

"Many things grow in a garden that were never sown there."

So very very true.

I could go and on. And on and on. Our house here feels like our house. It's comfy. It feels good to walk inside after you've been away. The town and roads have become familiar. We love the nearby big city. We've had friends for dinner. We work in the yard and have flowers blooming in pots on the deck. We do feel at home here now.

Except when we don't.

And perhaps that is part of the legacy of ex pat living...you throw your whole self into wherever you may be. You open your heart big and wide to new people, new places, new customs, new scenery, new experiences. And when you leave it a tiny little piece of you remains in that place. In this new old country, new town, new home you are almost completely yourself and at home. Except for that tiny little piece. Most days it goes unnoticed. What you do grow to realize is that while you lived away a subtle shift occurred in the way you see life and the world and most of all yourself. And after a while you realize the shift was not temporary. And you're okay with that.

Just the usual

And by 'the usual' I mean it's Wednesday and once again time for summer's version of the Random Dozen...

1. It is foggy up here this morning. I'm sure it will burn off because its supposed to be 9,000 degrees today with equal humidity. Lovely. And what would the weekly random be without an update on the weather?

2. Hubs and I attempted to synchronize our calendars last night. I thought my head might explode.

3. Seriously. His travel schedule for the next three months is ridiculous and we're trying to squeeze some life in around it but did I mention I thought my head might explode? And why do we live so far from our kids?

4. You'll be happy to hear I won at Bunco yesterday. Most losses. I love a game where even losing is competitive.

5. I'm going to a bridal shower for a friend's daughter this weekend. I love weddings and we have two on the calendar in the next few months, one being a destination wedding that I know will be a lot of fun. The save the date card was a mock up of an airline ticket...very cute!

6. I may have booked myself on a flight to see my favorite people next week. Sometimes mothers just need face time with their daughters daughters just need face time with their mothers.

7. I have to tackle yet another tax organizer today. Yuck. We complete online organizers for the accountants and they figure it all out and send us the tax 'book' to autograph when they're done. Our UK organizer is due next week. The UK tax year runs April -April. We moved one year ago in June. You'd best not get me started on the subject of taxes.

8. Jake and Vienna broke up. Are you shocked? They were last season's 'true love match' on The Bachelor. And how about Kasey being left on the glacier in Iceland in this week's episode of The Bachelorette? I mean he definitely was getting beyond scary and needed to be sent home but yowza! that was harsh. And who besides me now thinks they need a trip to Iceland?

9. We grilled fish last night. Well hubs grilled it. Only he says it's not real grilling if I put the food in foil packets which is one way I like to grill fish. He says a girl scout could do that (No offense girl scouts! We were girl scouts here too!) and its only real grilling if you can see the food. What is it about men and bbq's? And did I mention he was a little stressed out last night? See #2. And #3. Anyway, I love fish 'grilled' this way-it's moist, delicious and best of all....no messy pan! I found the recipe here but have added it below to make it easy for you. Here you go-

1 lb cod fillets (I've used other mild white fish...whatever looks good-Tilapia, Flounder, etc)

1 medium onion sliced (you can add other veg too if you like-zucchini, red peppers, etc)

2 Tbsp. butter ( I used slightly less)

1/4 cup lemon juice

1 Tbsp chopped fresh parsley

1 tsp. salt

1/4 tsp black pepper

1/4 tsp. paprika

• Cut heavy aluminum foil into two large squares. Place equal portions of fish on each piece of foil.
• Melt butter, then stir in lemon juice, parsley, salt and pepper.
• Pour mixture over fish, sprinkle with paprika and top with onion slices.
• Fold foil around the fish and seal very tightly.
• Grill 5-7 minutes per side. Fish flakes easily when its done.

10. I came within millimeters of hitting a brand new baby deer on my way home from the gym on Monday. He wobbled right out of the woods in front of my car. Fortunately I was paying attention and managed to stop because that would have totally ruined my day. He was adorable. We had three humongous turkeys stroll thru the back yard yesterday. Remember that scene in Snow White where she's in a clearing in the woods and the animals come out of every corner and sing and dance around her? Well, essentially that's our back yard. Winter is over and the critters are back.

11. Do you ever click on the free downloads on itunes? I like this one...it kind of reminds me of Shania Twain...apparently they used it on Grey's Anatomy this season...it's catchy-

12. I'm going to see my girls next week. Did I already say that?

Not just a 'bunch of rocks'

Yesterday was the summer solstice, or the longest day of the year. Naturally it would fall on a Monday. When I hear the words summer solstice I think of Stonehenge. We lived just over an hour from the site and we visited with every set of house guests often.

Sorry 'bout the photo quality but I scanned them from my scrapbook.

The first time we went out to Stonehenge it was just the four of us. Our kids had been 'warned' by their classmates that this is a place they would be sooooo tired of seeing by the time they left England but at the time it was still new to us. As we drove out into the beautiful English countryside they asked what exactly we would be seeing to which my hubs replied, "It's a big bunch of rocks." Yeah, we didn't exactly know what we were going to see either. They said, 'We're driving an hour to see some rocks in a field?" Oh you can just imagine how excited teenage girls were to hear this. Plus it was gray and windy. In fact, every time we went to Stonehenge, which, did I tell you was ALOT, it was gray and windy. And sometimes drizzly too. And actually 'big bunch of rocks' pretty well describes it.

I'm not sure what we were expecting but essentially you are rolling along thru the beautiful English countryside and suddenly you see a 'big bunch of rocks' sitting in a field. There they are...just plunked right down in the middle of the lush green grass and the sheep and not a lot else. We parked in the car park and got headsets and you might not think there is a lot to be said about a 'big bunch of rocks' but its actually pretty interesting/mysterious/not boring.

There are many theories as to the how and why these rocks are set in a very purposeful pattern in this particular location but they know for certain it was associated with burial grounds. And it is pretty much agreed that the alignment of the stones marks the summer solstice which is what brings literally thousands to Stonehenge on the longest day of the year. Modern day druids, pagans and party people turn up every year to view the sunrise here on summer solstice. Did you know there were still people who call themselves druids?

Course, in my mind the best thing about Stonehenge is that it is only a short drive from one of my favorite towns in all of England...Bath-

The town of Bath is beautiful and old and filled with so much to see and do and wonderful little shops and restaurants...

The Abbey is spectacular and the Roman Baths are amazing. If you're a Jane Austen fan you can do a walking tour and see the houses where she lived and the settings for some of her books.

The baths are very cool...they are underground and the first spring was discovered here sometime back in the 800's BC. That's old.

And let me just add that when you travel around Europe you definitely realize that those Romans were an industrial lot. There is hardly a city around without Roman ruins of some kind. As I was reading the signs telling you not to touch the water (for your own safety) hubs informed me they were hot. And daughter 1 chimed in with 'really hot'. There are rule followers in this world and there are rule breakers. We have both in our family.

Course if you visit Bath you must have lunch or tea in The Pump Room. I miss English tea. And lots of things. However, I'm off to play Bunco this morning and that's fun too. Did you know Bunco originated in England as something called the 8 dice cloth parlor game?

Hey, this blog is nothing if not educational.

Sweet Summertime

I feel a little bit like a slacker blogger because I didn't post something sweet and meaningful in honor of Father's Day yesterday. If you read here you know my husband has been traveling to excess and we try to catch up, run errands, and have fun on the weekends so I tend not to blog on those days. My daughter1 did write something sweet on her blog so click here if you'd like to read what she had to say about her dad.

I'm so grateful to be in the parenting boat with my hubs. He is an excellent father who works hard in every way, who lives with a houseful of women and mostly understands us and the rest of the time pretends like he does, who can offer a less emotional perspective when its needed (and with three women in the house that is often the case) and, most importantly, he can make us all laugh. Even when we don't want to. Maybe especially when we don't want to and that is a gift. He has been a completely devoted dad from day one...he has changed diapers, styled little girls hair, buckled shoes, read stories, played games, sung lullabies (maybe mixed in with a little rock n' roll), danced across the kitchen with little toes atop his shoes, written special notes and letters, chaperoned field trips, encouraged, praised, advised, texted, listened and loved his daughters from the moment they took their first breath. Plus we all know who puts the fun in family fun at our house. All his girls are blessed.

We had a fairly low key weekend...travel and time zones have to catch up with a person sometime. Saturday afternoon we took a drive to a nearby winery located about 30 miles from here in the pretty New York countryside. We had a tasting and then ate lunch in their outdoor cafe. They have live music on the weekends so we listened to music and enjoyed our beautiful surroundings. The winery sits in an apple/pear orchard and you can also pick fruit in season.

This little corner of NY State is so pretty. There are lots of sod farms and onion farms up here and the dirt is dark black and looks so rich and healthy.

We meandered back thru the cute town which just happens to be where daughter2 was born almost 20 years ago and we reminisced about our drive to the hospital behind a John Deere that was moving very slowly and the hubs being annoyed that I'd waited a little long to say, 'time to go to the hospital'. He was more than a little concerned he was going to have to deliver the baby on the side of the road himself. He didn't. I'm sure daughter2 doesn't remember the hospital but I'm pretty certain the nurses remember her...such a beautiful baby who did not want to be out of my arms for a single second. She may have let everyone know it too.

Sunday was another low key day...we went out to breakfast to celebrate Father's Day (and also because I love to go out to breakfast). If you're not from the northeast you may not be familiar with the institution known as 'the diner' but NJ is kind of king of the Diner States. I know other parts of the country have diners but the best are found in the NJ/NY area. Its true...if you're in that part of the country you must eat in a diner at least once. Sunday we had breakfast in one that is actually semi-famous...it has been voted one of the 5 best in the state of NJ and that's no small thing since I'm guessing there are somewhere in the neighborhood of 3257 diners in The Garden State. Okay, maybe an exaggeration but not by much. This particular diner was started by a Greek family as are most of the best diners I think, and its still family run.

A good diner has a menu that is no less than 10 pages long. Seriously. You can have omelets, a club sandwich, a turkey dinner, really good Greek and Italian food, a lobster feast, a big fat piece of homemade pie...you name it and its most likely on the menu at a good diner. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, midnight snack, dessert...whatever...it's all good. And you can get anything you want anytime of day at most diners. The place we ate yesterday was featured on the Food Network Program Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives back in November and the host, Guy with the crazy hair, gave it rave reviews. Their blueberry pancakes did not disappoint Sunday morning. Later we watched some golf, some World Cup, and we went to see the movie Killers with Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher. It was cute and rest assured, that whole 30 day shred thing has definitely paid off for Ashton Kutcher. Just sayin'.

Happy First Day of Summer!

I ain't missing you at all

It's a gray day here today. What is up with all the crazy rain lately? We haven't had the flooding like some places but we've had a lot of rain and I've got the yellow tipped leaves on my tomato plants to prove it. They are screaming for sunshine. We aren't getting gentle rains either....none of those lovely soft summer showers. It's been more like dry skies one minute and a deluge complete with thunder and lightning the next. Then it quits just as suddenly and the humidity cranks back up. Did you come here to read about the weather? Sorry.

I skipped my weekly random dozen yesterday because it was our anniversary and I wanted to write something anniversary-ish. It's a day late but here is this week's random dozen...

1. I think I'll count the blurb about the weather as item #1. It was pretty random.

2. In spite of the rain my dahlias are finally blooming.

I guess they're rebels.

They are beautiful.

3. Speaking of beautiful...these were delivered yesterday...

I always get yellow roses on special occasions...they are opening up nicely today and are definitely a bright spot on this dreary Thursday.

4. Does anyone else find it completely unfair that I ate a salad at home for my anniversary dinner while hubs had an exotic something in a restaurant in Istanbul? A restaurant with an underground cave that has been around since 300 something AD? Yeah.

5. I've been reviewing the budget hubs and I made last summer when we were buying this house. We've been in almost a year now so I thought I'd see how we did in allocating monies to various categories. Here are my conclusions-

• owning a home is expensive
• our lawn/snow plow guy should be taking a nice holiday this year
• so should our hair dresser
• and probably our dry cleaner too

6. When hubs is out of town I stay up ridunkulously late.

7. When hubs is in town I am generally in a Rip Van Winkle sleep on the sofa by 8:30 PM. Come home hubs...I need my beauty sleep. Seriously. The circles are so dark and deep you are not going to recognize me.

8. What in the world was up with all the singing on The Bachelorette this week? And it was really bad singing too. And Awk-ward. With a capital A. Remind me again why I watch that show?

9. I took a yoga class on Tuesday evening. I know the rest of the world has been doing yoga since 1972 and I'm a little late to jump on the bandwagon but I really enjoyed it. It's not held in a gym which is part of its appeal. I belong to a gym but I'm not really a gym person. Actually I'm more of a chocolate cake person which is why I joined a gym in the first place. And I love to swim which is why I joined this particular gym but I detest all the rigamarole associated with it...I know some people live for their gym workouts but I much prefer a hike outdoors.

10. I went to the library on Tuesday and checked out out a few hundred books, mostly mysteries...see #6.

11. Daughter1 is starting a job today. Yay for grown kids working! It's a nice job but not what she wants to do forever. Its good to start somewhere though, especially when you have a car and an apartment and electricity and stuff.

12. I miss my girls. It doesn't feel like summer without kids sleeping until noon and me complaining about it and then making lots of noise to try to wake them up and then yelling, 'Are we ever going to get out of the house???!' while they take two hours to get showered, fix hair, and check facebook. Then we get in my car and they shriek MOM!!! because I have my radio a little bit, ahem, loud, and we head out to lunch/shopping/movie/bookstore and we talk so much I go past the road I need to be on and I also maybe annoy them a little bit but in a sweet way that they kinda want to laugh too. Then later I look in their bathrooms and see their pjs on the floor and their hot rollers and makeup and contact solution scattered all across the counters and I ask them if this is how they live at school and they roll their eyes and I sigh. Then we'd play Wii and I'd be over zealous and they'd make fun of that and we would laugh. A lot. Later we'd all lounge on the big comfy couch with popcorn and Twizzlers and watch that silly Bachelorette or that silly NJ Housewives or that old favorite The Little Mermaid all together and I'd get hugs and kisses and not feel off kilter.

Well now...that was surprisingly therapeutic.

Remember When

Today is our 26th wedding anniversary. I think this is the first anniversary we will celebrate apart. On different continents. Sigh. You know, this was not in the manual I was given on my wedding day.

Actually lots of things were not in the manual.

Actually there was no manual.

While the media loves to talk about what a drudge marriage can be I have found it to be full of surprises. I'm sure that has a little something to do with the boy I married but I bet most people married a long time would say something similar. When we said I do 26 years ago we had no idea what the future would hold. But we committed to find out together, to face the challenges and share the triumphs. Our married life has been full of both.

In honor of our special day I'm going to quote that world renowned Georgia poet...Alan Jackson. He wrote a beautiful song ( you can listen here) and I absolutely love the words.

Remember When

Remember when

I was young and so were you

and time stood still

and love was all we knew...

Remember when...

we vowed the vows

and walked the walk,

Gave our hearts...

made the start and it was hard

We lived and learned

life threw curves,

there was joy and there was hurt

Remember when

Remember when...

old ones died

and new were born,

And life was changed,

disassembled, rearranged....

Remember when...

the sound of little feet

was the music

we danced to week to week...

Remember when...

thirty seemed so old,

Now lookin' back

it's just a steppin' stone

To where we are

where we've been

Said we'd do it all again

Remember when...

Remember when

we said when we turned gray,

When the children

grow up and move away

We won't be sad

We'll be glad

For all the life we've had

And we'll remember when....

Happy Anniversary hubs...I love you!