The Art of Coming Home

Did you know it was an art? Do you even know what I’m talking about? Isn’t this home? Should returning to the country of your birth ever need to be anything more than a tiny blip on the radar that is life? Did you have any idea that people of all ages and nations and walks of life have been studied and whole books have been written in order to better understand the phenomenon known as reverse culture shock? I’ve been reading one such book, which is aptly entitled, The Art of Coming Home by Craig Storti (don't know him, not doing any kind of review, yadda yadda yadda...just reading a book).

This concept of reverse culture shock is something I've wanted to write about on my blog for a while now, mostly because it’s a topic that consumes much of my thinking. I’m more or less in the throes of it…I’m up, I’m down, I love it here, I miss it there, I wish I could see/do/be xyz here, I don’t miss that about there, I cry and wring my hands in frustration, won’t someone understand… I go hours or days without life there even entering my thoughts at all… but wait, that's no good…I want it to stay fresh in my head…no, it needs to fade…who am I now… how do I take what I learned about myself and people and differences and life and make it fit here…where do I belong and how do I balance memory and reality?

There is a problem though in writing about all of this in a forum such as blogland, or for that matter anywhere outside of the expatriate community, and that is this: at the very core of 'coming home' is the undeniable fact that people don't really care. I’m truly not being critical here, just keeping things real. It’s a bit of, "So what's the big deal? You were here, you moved overseas for a while, blah blah blah, and now you're back.... where you belong. Home.”

Do you know how many times I've heard those words...here... home... where you belong? The thing is we're not really feeling it. Not yet anyway. We will I’ve been told but at the moment not so much. I'm sure a few of you are rolling your eyes as you read this thinking, ‘My goodness, will she just get on with life already???” That's an honest reaction and I understand it. Recently the welcome wagon lady stopped by my house. She stayed for almost 2 hours and I’m pretty sure I mentioned we'd just moved back to the states after 6 years overseas but what she really wanted to talk about was...herself. Her reaction to me was pretty much the reaction I get from almost everybody when I mention that we're new... ‘Wow, London, that's nice...so anyway back to me’. A slight exaggeration but I think you know what I mean. We're all very much about our own stuff...our own little corner of the world, what's going on inside our own house and particularly what is going on inside our own head. Perhaps this reaction is a blessing in that it is what helps me move on, to look forward, to be in this moment and not moments past.

It’s a high wire act I find myself walking most days. I want to feel settled and at home here, in this place, this town, my country, but in doing so I don’t want to let go of a single thing that has been added to my life in the past six years. A friend who also lived in the UK for six years but has been back in the states for seven years now recently said to me, “Sometimes I forget I ever lived there. Like those years never happened.” Is that feeling inevitable? Oh I really hope not. How exactly do I embrace the new without letting go of the old?

I started my blog back in January. We’d been told since the previous June that we would be repatriating in the next few months and it was just after Christmas that the time frame seemed to come together. I knew then that I would be overwhelmed by my own thoughts and feelings and I started blogging to capture that in some way, to put some of those thoughts and feelings in writing so they wouldn’t keep me awake at night. I wrote about what I expected to feel as we made our way back across the pond. Now I’m feeling it and I want to write about that too. Perhaps this post reads like one great big giant whine but I assure you that is not the case at all. My heart is in fact feeling very full…full of gratitude and sweet memory and hope for the future. A future where memory and reality are blended in equal parts…where I smile at the old and welcome the new….where home is where I am and the rest is in my heart.

Come play!

It's Wednesday which means it's time for the weekly random dozen hosted by Linda at 2nd cup of Coffee. Come play along! Answer the questions on your own blog and then link here for all the world to see.

1. I've always wondered why we were taught both printing and cursive. Do you prefer to print or write cursive? (Keyboard is not a choice.)

I prefer cursive and I like my handwriting. I still like to write cards and letters and I love to get a handwritten note.

2. Are you a dreamer or a realist?

Dreamer. Totally.

3. Billy Joel or Elton John?

Oh please don't make me pick...I love their music...both of them. I think I will have to go with Billy Joel although I do love me some Elton John too...Tiny Dancer, Rocket Man...those are some of my favorite songs of all time. But...I love everything Billy Joel has ever done and he's an amazing performer too.

And I hope to goodness there aren't any comments this week about 'who is Billy Joel?'

4. What is the scariest movie you've ever seen? Not limited to horror flicks but also includes ones where the tension or suspense is killer, for example, Flightplan (2005): A bereaved woman and her daughter are flying home from Berlin to America. At 30,000 feet the child vanishes and nobody admits she was ever on that plan.

I steer clear of anything advertised as super scary. I don't mind suspense but try not to watch anything that will keep me awake at night. The first thing that popped into my head was Jaws. It can still unnerve me even though I know what's coming and the special effects are not all that great by today's standards. Still, just hearing the music play can give me a little knot in my stomach. More recently I thought Taken was pretty terrifying...particularly in the beginning when she is laying under the bed and thinks she is safe-yikes!

5. Now what is the scariest real-life moment you've had?

Not too many super scary moments for me...A few years ago I was involved in what appeared to be a very minor car accident where I was hit in the back fender. I was exiting a shopping center and was stopped, waiting to merge onto a busy road when suddenly I was hit from behind. I couldn't imagine how it had happened (broad daylight, wide open view) but I heard the tail light break and as I got out of the car to take a look the gentleman who had rammed my car charged at me. Literally. He was out of his vehicle running towards me, shouting, screaming, swearing like you have never in your life heard, made it clear he had more than a few issues with women, eyes bulging, face bright red...all directed at me except it was like he didn't really see 'me'... I was just the target. He was in an absolute total rage and it took me a second to register what was happening. At one point he jumped back into his car and came at me with the vehicle. Then he was back out again racing towards me on foot. I was shouting at my kids to lock the doors and get on the floor of the car and to call 911-I'm on the far side of the car shouting back at him...he was shaking his fist and trying to get around my car to do I don't know what and I didn't want to think about it. I was praying he didn't have a weapon because I could just see the newspaper headline, "Woman in the wrong place at the wrong time" -by now I realized he was just so full of white hot anger that he needed to let it out on somebody and unfortunately that somebody was gonna be me. While we were on the phone with 911 he suddenly had a total breakdown and flung himself across the hood of my car and started sobbing. Thankfully an off duty policeman showed up right about then...he'd heard the call and was nearby. The incident ended with the psychiatric intervention unit of the police force being called in to remove him. It was all really disturbing and in those first few minutes was really very scary.

6. What word do you misspell without fail?

I honestly cannot think of one.

7. Name something you like to do but are not really talented or good at.

Sing. Let me just add here that the fact that I have no musical talent whatsoever does not stop me from singing. Oh no it does not. This is one of the things I'm looking forward to in heaven-I will be singing in tune : ) Thankfully my husband is very musical and my kids inherited those genes.

8. Do you get your emotional/mental batteries recharged by being around people or by having alone time?

It depends... both work depending on why I need recharging...if I've had too much on the schedule then definitely some alone time, preferably a long soak in the tub, a good book. Recently though I haven't really had enough on the schedule and too much alone time isn't good for me either...I need my peeps.

9. Have you ever been on TV?

No. I was interviewed by BBC Radio4 for a 30 minute radio program last year though and that was fun. Especially since it was just audio and I'm pretty sure the radio doesn't add ten pounds like the tv does.

10. Apple or pumpkin pie? (Don't be greedy.)

Apple but only if greediness isn't an option.

11. How many magazine subscriptions do you have?

None at the moment...I treat myself to magazines when I'm traveling but don't currently subscribe to any. Now that we're back in the US I will probably renew my subscription to Southern Living. Yes I do know that I live in the Northeast but a girl can dream can't she.

12. What lesson do you have to keep re-learning?

I think Paul said it best, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I love New York

Sunday afternoon we decided to drive into the city and by the city I mean The City...as in New York City. We live about 45 minutes from the George Washington Bridge (on a Sunday afternoon when there isn't any work traffic, accidents, road construction, snow, ice, blah blah blah). It was a gorgeous fall day, far too nice to be indoors napping on the couch watching football and reading the paper although we did do some of that later in the day.

This was our first trek into NYC since we moved back and may I just say I LOVE NY. I especially love it on a beautiful fall day, so much so that I didn't even mind paying $43 to park for 4 hours. Course the pup came along too...once she heard the word 'park' we couldn't leave her behind. Our plan was to hang out in Central Park all afternoon...

watch the boaters in The Boat Basin...

admire the art...

the green space...

maybe stalk a few squirrels

...but the city itself calls to you and pulls you in and you end up on 5th Avenue looking in the shop windows and thinking maybe you really should get a job so you can shop in this town....you wander past The Plaza taking note of the limousines parked outside...you hope to see someone famous but you don't, not today anyway.

You find yourself gazing up at St. Patrick's Cathedral...

watching skaters at Rockefeller Center...

who knew they did this in October?

You take a picture of Christies Auction House because they are flying a British flag and that makes you smile...as an aside here, did you know the Astors home in Newport Rhode Island is listed with Christies and for a mere $12,900,000 it can be yours?

You admire the rooftop gardens... love the hustle and bustle and people...

but in the end you go back to the park...because someone needs to catch herself a squirrel...or a bird...

or somethin'.

Before heading home you walk by Strawberry Fields and take a picture of the John Lennon memorial...Imagine.

You mozy past the zoo wall and take a peek at the goats and yes indeed I did just use the words mozy and NYC in the same post.

You watch the horse drawn carriages go by.

You think, Gosh this place is pretty.

I think I'll blog about it and put 19 pictures in a single post.

And I do.

The Niagara Falls of Pennsylvania

Unless you're from this area I'm guessing you had no idea there were waterfalls known as the Niagara Falls of Pennsylvania. And if you've been to the real deal and then you visit these you might be scratching your head a little. Nevertheless these falls are beautiful too. I don't know if it's just me and the fact that I haven't experienced a fall in the Northeastern part of the US in several years or if this year truly is more spectacular than most when it comes to color but honestly, the changing leaves this year leave me almost speechless. Almost.

Hubs and I loaded up the dog Saturday morning and drove to Bushkill Falls which is located just under an hour from here in the Pocono Mountains. There are eight falls and you reach them by doing a whole lot of climbing up and down steps built into the mountainside...kinda like nature's stairmaster. Seriously...

a whole lotta steps.

Hubs had a slight advantage because he held the dog's lead and she basically hoists you up the steps without you having to expend too much of your own energy. Course she will also hoist you down the steps which is why he holds the lead instead of me, aka Miss Grace. Besides the main falls there are great trails thru the woods that you can explore which lead to some of the smaller falls. We saw them all and so did our pup. Dixie never wants to miss a thing.

And, as is always the case, any outdoor adventure with my husband means I will have a knot in my stomach at some point. We see rushing water behind a fence...I think 'oooh pretty'.

Husband thinks...'oooh...fence...must climb over it and stand on the very slippery moss covered rocks and yes, the dog needs to come too so I'm slightly more precariously balanced over the waterfall that plummets just below my feet'.

He is no sooner back on dry land than we see more water...I think, 'great' (because I know him)......he thinks 'must hop from slick mossy rock to slick mossy rock to stand in the middle of the stream and must take the dog too just to keep it interesting'.

We loved the top trails because a. there weren't any water hazards and b. there weren't many people up there so Dixie could run free thru the woods for a bit. The views from the top trails were especially lovely...the Delaware Valley all dressed for fall.

We hated to leave...

Of course the day wouldn't be complete without an ice cream treat...

even our supermodel says so.

Inquiring minds want to know

Note-this post was written a while back but I'm linking it with Kelly's Korner SUYL today as a way of introducing myself to 'older bloggers'.

Hmmm...I don't feel like an older blogger.

I'm married to my college sweetheart, am mom of two 20-something daughters, love to write, cook, and travel. I think my blog content can best be described as the everyday nonsense of mid-life. This post gives you a small, albeit wordy, picture of who I am but please feel free to look around...I'd love for you to let me know if you were here so I can come over and say hi.

So if blogging is at times a little bit self indulgent then these 100 things about ME posts must truly take the cake....which is why I've written 110 things about me. Actually, someone suggested that I put a list out there on the occasion of my 100th post and I didn't even realize my 100th post had come and gone. Yeah, observant I know. Then of course I had to wait for a nice round number to roll around... like 110. It would make me twitch to have some random amount, like 104 things about me, posted for all time....that would just be annoying. Perhaps I should have included this kind of quirk in my list below.

Now for your viewing pleasure here are 110 things about me...if you've done a 100 (or however many) things post about your very own self then please leave me a link in the comments and I'll come plow read through yours too. If you haven't then consider yourself tagged. You're welcome.

1. I'm a morning person
2. I am the mother of daughters

3. whose sweetness makes my heart burst

4. I am a Christian and am thankful every day for God's grace

5. my dad was a Marine
6. he died too young
7. I think a mother's love is special and makes you feel safe
8. My mother loves me that way
9. I love to read
10. write
11. travel

12. London is my favorite city in the world
13. I love Maryland Blue Crabs
14. Italy
15. the beach
16. I'm easy going
17. I've moved 15 times
18. I left a piece of my heart in England
19. I have worked as a Speech Pathologist

20. Kindergarten teacher

21. School Director
22. I adore children of all ages and sorts
23. I am a fan of Young Life
24. I grew up in a Southern Baptist church whose members were like my own family
25. I talk... a lot
26. I love music but can't sing
27. I love a walk in the English countryside that finishes up with a pub lunch
28. I'm a rule follower
29. I've been married for 25 years
30. to my college sweetheart
31. I'm the third of four children, the middle girl

32. My family calls me Jo but they're the only ones who do
33. Suffering children break my heart
34. I'm conservative

35. and a little bit stubborn

36. I love 70's music
37. I have awful motion sickness
38. I'm patriotic...just hearing The National Anthem or America the Beautiful sung can make me cry
39. I love cards and pretty stationery
40. cinnamon scented candles
41. British taxis
42. strawberry twizzlers
43. sunshine
44. good highlights
45. blue jeans
46. coconut
47. shoes with a great heel
48. foreign languages
49. Marco Island Florida
50. hiking and swimming
51. my crazy Gordon Setter
52. all things Southern including sweet tea and SEC football
53. the Eagles...I mean the band here but I also love the team from Philly
54. yellow roses
55. the colors of autumn

56. St. Pancras Train Station

57. I once attended a VIP luncheon in the House of Lords

58. I hate it when people don't return their shopping carts to the return space

59. I love Phantom of the Opera

60. Indian curries
61. champagne and the country that made it famous
62.When I was 10 I accidentally set fire to our kitchen with the help of my sister while my brother was babysitting
63. it was a small fire...very small...but scary...we didn't tell our parents the whole story for many years.
64. I'm competitive
65. love board games
66. crossword puzzles

67. and popcorn

68. I hate confrontation...can't we all just get along???
69. I'm allergic to cats
70. slow to anger
71. love to laugh
72. love The Alps
73. Italian pottery
74. Christmas morning
75. chocolate
76. spicy food
77. I like to play my music loud
78. I'm a complete optimist
79. I don't like horror movies
80. I do like mysteries
81. camping with my family
82. conversations with my daughters
83. shopping at Ann Taylor
84. sapphires and pearls
85. Sticky Toffee Pudding
86. scrapbooking
87. I feel younger than I am

88. I hate to iron
89. I love Port Merion dishes

90. I'm entering the empty nest stage of life
91. and dealing with the 'm' word
92. not a great combo
93. I love to cook
94. love Beth Moore Bible Studies

95. the tendon in the thumb on my right hand was surgically repaired after a three year old student grabbed it just a little too hard in his effort not to get out of the car in the carpool drop off line
96. I love British humor.

97. I spent alot of summers as a camper and later as a counselor at Camp Sandy Cove for girls (later Camp Sandy Hill)... I loved those summers

98. I procrastinate
99. Blogging has been a great outlet for all the stuff that used to just lay on my brain with no where to go
100. I have a slight southern accent even though I grew up in the northeast
101. I love pedicures
102. friends I made thru CAWC

103. the first snow of the season
104. a cup of tea made with PG tips, Fortnum and Mason teas, tea parties, high tea, English tea
105. shopping in Covent Garden
106 English village life
107. the word brilliant...and gobsmacked..and knackered..and most other 'British English'
108. I'm not sure what is next for me.
109. I know God has a plan.
110. And I know that it is good.

In my own backyard

"Autumn, the year's last loveliest smile"

William Cullen Bryant

check out more Wordless Wednesday at Wordless Wednesday

Come on, Sara Smile...it's time for another Random meme

Linda is hosting her weekly random dozen and she had a bit of a Hall and Oates theme going in her original post. Come play along...just answer these questions on your own blog and link back here to share your answers.

1. On an average, how often do you splurge and buy something for yourself?

not very often...I splurge on my children

2. Are you more like Hall or Oates? Just kidding.

Real question: What is the last creative project you began/finished? Feel free to post a pic of it.

I'd say definitely Daryl Hall.

Sorry, I liked that question better. I've been busy moving house and haven't done too much creative stuff lately...does baking cookies count? I'm going to say it does because that's something I've done recently...heath bits peanut butter cookies... the recipe is on my blog if you're interested. And believe me when I say you should be because they were delicious.

3. OK, Goldie Locks, do you consider your house too big, too little or juuuust right?

just right.

4. What is your favorite outdoor chore?

planting flowers in the springtime or fall...love the seasons, love getting my hands in the dirt and love enjoying the beauty as they bloom...it doesn't really feel like a chore

5. If you knew that cigarette smoking was not bad for your health but would be a weight loss tool, would you use it? Why or why not?

not bad for your health? as in not addicting either? I think I'll still say no because I don't like the way it makes everything smell

6. On a road trip, would you rather drive or ride?

ride...of course my hubs would say ride is code for sleep

7. What do you consider a trivial pursuit?

well, some days I'd say blogging : )

8. This weekend, we downloaded the movie "Duplicity" with Julia Roberts and Clive Owen. Within 5 minutes, I was bored and annoyed, but I kept watching 5-10 minutes at a time hoping it would get better between small chores. I finally gave up and Jorge watched it alone, and then regretted wasting that time because he disliked it intensely, too. So ... how long do you watch a movie or read a book before giving up on it?

I give a book a few chapters before giving up...it has to be really really bad for me to stop reading. Not sure I've ever really given up on a movie...I generally sleep watch to the bitter end.

9. Is there a song that you really love but are embarrassed to admit because it's not cool or it's racy or because it's by Hall and Oates?

Hey now...Hall and Oates had some classics...I still remember dancing with my then boyfriend-now husband in college to Kiss on my List. To answer the question though..pretty much anything by Abba, pretty much anything by The Carpenters....but I'm not embarrased by it...I did just put it out there on my blog after all. I like a very wide range of music so I think I can be forgiven for any that might be considered uncool by people who say they never listen to that kind of music but when it comes on the radio they somehow know all the words.

10. On a scale of 1-10 (10 = extremely) how spontaneous are you?

well...before I met my hubs I think about a 2...he might say I was closer to a 1. He was/is a 10+ and has pulled me along with him enough that I think I'm about a 5 now. He might possibly say 4 but he's not answering these questions so we'll go with my answer which is 5.

11. Are you a food and/or beverage snob?

No. That being said though...I do love very fine dining and gourmet meals and appreciate the art and effort and presentation and of course the taste of a a carefully prepared meal. I also love a bbq in the backyard and pizza right out of the box too -I'm definitely not a food snob. I really didn't know a whole lot about wines before moving overseas so I'd say I'm more of a wine snob now than I used to be. I wouldn't actually call it snobbery...it's just that I'm more particular about the taste now than I was 10 years ago. Plus once you hit a certain, ahem, age every calorie counts so I'm a little bit more aware of how I'm 'spending' my calories.

12. Who/What are you trying to control in your life?

well now...I see this week we've saved the biggie for the end....hmmm....how to put this...well, I've been happily married for 25 years so obviously the control issues there have been resolved...and my children are college students so nearly all grown up... I confess I still try to put my .02 in there quite often...I like to think I've let go of the control part and now its just sharing my wisdom : ) That sounds so much nicer don't you think?

I like to be in control (see spontaneity question above) in certain settings and if we're in a meeting or working on a commitee project I probably tend to take the bull by the horns and organize/take charge to a certain degree. I love people and enjoy working in groups... I just hate it when no one is running the show and everyone is saying I don't know what do you think? and they respond with well I don't know what do you think? That kinda makes me crazy.

All of my married life it seems God has kept us moving... new home, new town, new schools, new country...all make me feel very out of control, at least initially. And then it seems that just when I get really comfy off we go again...I've had to release a lot of my need for control and just roll with where life has taken us. That has been a very good thing.