Thursday, September 24, 2009

So long self...again

I spent most of yesterday on the internet stalking researching doctors in my area. This is one of my least favorite parts about moving house...trying to find a doctor who is conveniently located, board certified, accepting new patients, taking my insurance, who is not being badmouthed by his/her current or former patients, blah blah blah. I've gotten a couple of recommendations from people I've met but then I have the problem of one person telling me that under no circumstances should I see Dr. So and So and another person telling me they've never loved a doctor more than they love Dr. So and So. Sigh. It's that whole starting from scratch business a-gain.

Great- big -sigh.

I think the move in general has begun to catch up with me and these past couple of days I've felt like just crawling into bed and pulling the covers over my head. I don't feel like finding a new doctor. Or a new dentist. And while I'm on the subject of what I don't feel like doing I also don't feel like following up on our voter registration, locating the missing key to our old safety deposit box, figuring out what to do with the four boxes of 'stuff' that are in a bedroom upstairs, finding a new church, sorting thru our umpteen photographs in order to decide what to frame/scrapbook/toss, remembering where I saw the scissors we use to trim the dog, calling the UK phone company for the 35th time to sort out a refund, finding fabric to recover my dining room chairs, locating my brand new ipod and two expensive pair of sunglasses all of which have been awol since we moved, ordering rubber mats for my car, finding one more pot for a mum I bought last week, buying a pad that is the right size for under my sunroom rug, tracking down lightbulbs that fit my kitchen fixtures, or really even finishing this post.

And so I didn't. I hit save and went to bed. But that was yesterday.

When I woke up this morning a beautiful sunrise was making its way up over the mountains. We have a backyard with grass that is naturally fenced on three sides by huge boulders. Behind the boulders our property begins to slope upwards into the woods but between the grass and the woods there is a rather scraggly hillside. We talk about doing this and that to the hillside but mostly have decided to leave it alone because it would be a massive project and besides the deer like to snack there. I've discovered a hidden blessing in this scraggly hillside. As the sun begins to rise all that wildness turns pink and golden and lovely. I can see and feel the golden light peeking thru our bedroom window very early and I get myself out of bed and go to the front of the house and look toward the mountains.

And I am reminded of the verse in Lamentations 3:20-21 that says..."The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is Your faithfulness."

And I am also reminded once again that its not all about me. I've been reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan and he has alot to say about the fact that this isn't 'our movie' so why do we live as though it is? Why is it so easy to get caught up in continually turn the spotlight on put my life under a microscope and dissect every little bit that isn't perfect?

Lately I've been feeling a lot like that scraggly hillside...I needed a sunrise today. I needed to put the spotlight back where it belongs. And I needed to say so long self once again.


  1. Man, I needed this tonight. I'm exhausted. flu? crazy week? 3 small kids? I don't know, but I am in my pj's and about to sit on the couch with my hubby and do nothing. There are million things that need doing, but tonight I need to sit.

    I just finished Crazy Love, lots to think about!

  2. Sometimes we get overwhelmed, and we just need to "lift up our eyes unto the hills, from whence comes our help"; sounds like you did just that.

    I read "Crazy Love" not long ago. It's pretty convicting, but does remind us to fall in love with the Lord, and other things will be put in perspective. Blessings. Donna

  3. Thank you for this post and for putting yourself out here so honestly! I really needed to hear THIS message on THIS day.