Thursday, April 4, 2013

D is for De.Ter.Mined.

Determined.
That's us.

Or maybe we're just stubborn?

Daughter2 and I were talking yesterday about what word I would use for the letter D, and we both hit on this one at the same time. I commented that I think we're all pretty determined in this house, and she said, 'or else we're just stubborn.'

Hmmm...I suppose that's one way of looking at it, but determined sounds nicer so we'll go with that.


My girls come by this trait honestly. When hubs sets his mind to something he's like a dog with a bone.  You may as well get on board because he ain't droppin' it. Most of the time that's a good thing...lists get checked, to-dos get done, adventure happens. Sometimes it can be a teensy bit exhausting, but he makes life happen and for that we are all grateful.  Our lives would look very different today if hubs didn't have the determination to fix his mind and heart on something out there in the future and then run after it with all his might.

Then there's me. My mother and siblings will tell you my most commonly uttered phrase as a child was this- "I can do it myself."  See, not stubborn at all. Just determined. Ha.


I looked up both words in the dictionary to see where the difference lies and here's what Webster had to say-

Determined: having firm or fixed intention to achieve a desired end. 

Yes. That's me. And hubs and both girls.

Stubborn: unreasonably unyielding,

but it's also defined as justifiably unyielding so we'll choose B. 
Sometimes its good to be stubborn.  


Of course if you're the parent of a not quite three year old who can't tie her own shoes, but insists on doing it anyway, mostly when you need to be out the door in less than three seconds you may not see it that way, but trust me it is.  That two year old who insisted on tying her own shoes?


She becomes the young adult child who goes after her dreams with a plan to make them happen. She is the 24-year old who sees hurt or injustice in the world around her and can't sit idly by.

True stubbornness in a child needs to be dealt with. Determination on the other hand, calls for a parent's gentle hand to help focus and guide, and send it spinning in a positive direction. Figuring out which one you've got on any given day can be a parenting challenge, but it's one that needs to be met.

Because one day you'll blink and that very determined seven year old, ten year old, fourteen year old, will suddenly be a young adult.


You'll look at her and see the determination with which she faces the future, and you'll smile. You'll think, 'I remember that stubborn little two year old who just had to try and tie her own shoes every time we needed to be somewhere in a hurry'.


And you'll say to yourself, she's amazing.

38 comments:

  1. I love seeing determination in a child! Nothing wrong with being head strong, we all need that in life.

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  2. Yes, I have 2 just like that.

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  3. I have one of those who was stubborn--sometimes to her own detriment, but can also be determined if the right circumstances come into play. I think it is a good trait but like all traits must be balanced, in this case with flexibility and concession and the willingness to be open minded if necessary. Great word for D day!
    tm

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  4. Ha, determination does go along way in life! Great blog!

    D is for Distractions! Blogging A to Z Challenge
    http://www.shellygoodmanwright.com/apps/blog/

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  5. My most determined child is accomplishing wonderful things with her life. It has also seen her through a lot of trouble.

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  6. Stubborn? Who? Us? Determined is the perfect word. Great D-Day post!

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  7. Beautiful! I get tears in my eyes reading any of your posts about your girls. What a blessing!

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  8. I have a few of those stubborn, I mean determined people in my house! :)

    Shirleyisnotmyname

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  9. I'm running a bit behind this week, thanks to a stomach bug, but I've gone back and caught up with your A-Z posts. Great job, so far!

    I think I'm more "stubborn" than "determined", but "determination" has gotten me through more than a few rough spots in life. Great "D" post :)

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  10. Great post - I had one stubborn, sorry determined one and one rather more lazy one. Guess which one has gone on and done more things, yep, the determined one.

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  11. Aw..... nice post.

    "Sometimes its good to be stubborn." Yes. Yes, it is.

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  12. Aww! Great post for D! And it is probably better to be determined than stubborn, although the two can go hand in hand. :)

    A to Z Participant
    Cherie Reich - Author and Surrounded by Books Reviews

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  13. I love this!! In my family we call that "tenacious!" LOL.

    My eldest daughter is 21 and ready to apply to grad schools. Princeton is her #1 choice... and they really liked her during her interview. *gasp*.

    Your writing voice is a joy to read!

    Glad I found you today via the A to Z facebook group!

    Julie Jordan Scott
    Our Literary Grannies from A to Z: D is for Denise Chavez
    tweet me - @juliejordanscot

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  14. Oh, I am sure your girls come by their determination quite naturally. I don't know that any one can be too determined. Quite a quality to have! Great post!

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  15. hmmm I like determined better, we always called it stubbornness. My daughter has this quality, can't imagine who she got it from. lol Love your posts and your pictures!
    until the next time...nel

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  16. Ahhhhh I loved this. I have never thought of myself as either determined or stubborn, however I do think of myself as totally focused.To the point where if I am interrupted, it is painful for me to quit what I am doing and come back to it. I do when I must however, and my family comes first, always.
    You are a wonderful mother.
    jean A to Z http://prettykittydogmoonjewelry.blogspot.com/

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  17. great post.Your pictures are great. Kids grow up so fast. Determination and Stubborn are both good.

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  18. You write soo well! And yes, determined is ALWAYS a good thing...stubborn can be too, when channeled in the right way. Great post!

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  19. Visiting from A to Z!

    What a beautiful post. Determination, stubbornness, whatever, as long as it comes out right in the end.

    Barbara
    D is for: Deadlines
    The Daille-y News

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  20. loving your word for today--such an interesting take on it--"amazing" :)

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  21. I really like the pictures you include with your posts - they really make them come to life and add a lovely, personal touch :)

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  22. We have that determination in our house. Well, the women do. But mostly, we have the stubbornness. And we're not afraid to use it. LOL

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  23. Wonderful pictures.

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  24. And from a 24 year old comes the 42 year old with children of their own and that determination means they do their best for those children in today's difficult world.

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  25. I'm loving this theme and you're only on D!

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  26. I think they are the same thing. LOL Lovely pics.

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  27. Beautiful post! Loved the pics. :) Hope you are doing well!

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  28. Awesome post. I love your take on parenthood, by the way :) And yes, I agree--determined and stubborn may well be the two sides of a single coin. Nothing wrong with either in my book :) Stopping by from A-Z!

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  29. "Figuring out which one on any given day..." is absolutely a parenting challenge that must be met!

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  30. I love this post. Great perspective for frustrated young mommies out there.

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  31. Beautiful sentiments! Determination is a great asset when it's aimed in the right direction. You and your husband have obviously done a wonderful job with your girls. LOVE the photos too!!

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  32. I love pics of your girls, and your posts are always so insightful. :)

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  33. Your posts are just so beautiful and inspiring. I'm so glad the Challenge led me to your blog. I always end up smiling by the end of the post.

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  34. Sounds like delightful determination and looks like it too!

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  35. I think I'm more determined than stubborn.

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  36. I just watched MY "me do it myself" girl go through her Pharmacy school White Coat ceremony last night. I kept saying to Hubby "That's our kid." She's got one year left before she'll be a Pharmacist. Crazy.

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  37. This is what I need to remember...thank you for such a sweet reminder. :) I agree with someone above, your daughter-posts are always so special.

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