Tuesday, August 11, 2009

And the painted ponies they go up and down

I'm pretty sure we set some sort of record on Friday when we managed to make a 12 1/2 hour drive in only 17 hours. And stopping at the DMV wasn't even our biggest delay. Getting to the DMV was a bit of a side trek off the planned route but once we found the building it only took about an hour to finally get all the paperwork completed and to leave with temporary tags and a temporary registration for the MG. That's progress people. Plus there was a Dunkin Donuts conveniently placed in the lobby of the building so I had a nice cup of coffee while I waited on hubby. No donut though. I'm pretty sure Jillian would frown at a donut.

The real delay didn't occur until we were nearing Charlotte, NC. We sat in our 'big rig' as we liked to call it for over an hour and a half on I-85 while a multi-vehicle accident was cleared. And we had to turn off the a/c while we were sitting because we wanted her to start back up when it was time to move. And it's hot down south y'all. And humid.

In spite of all the aggravation in getting to South Carolina my husband and I agreed that moving our girls this time around was a piece of cake compared to previous years. Having a truck meant we were able to get all of daughter2's belongings to her dorm in one trip. Moving everything by car generally takes about 157 trips because did I mention that girls have alot of stuff? Oh, and they need it too. All of it. Every last item. Let's just say if my husband doesn't set foot in another Target or Bed Bath and Beyond or Lowes or Wal Mart or Macys or Pottery Barn or Pier 1 or World Market for at least 52 weeks it won't be too soon.

We said goodbye to the big rig in South Carolina and flew home last night. And we also said goodbye for now to our girls because we probably won't make another trip to SC until their school's Family Weekend in October. And the whole way home I was thinking about how I wish I lived closer to them. And I know NJ is way closer than England but it's still not close. And my girls are basically young adults now so shouldn't this whole missing them when they're away from me start to ease up a little bit?

I've realized something recently and that is this-I am never going to stop missing them when they are away from me. Not even when they are the age I am now. I know my mom still misses me. She's going to spend a few days with me next week and that makes her so happy. Why? I mean I've lived away from her for 32 years. But that doesn't matter because no matter how old I am in her heart I'm still her little girl.

I think I've been imagining that at some point along this road of raising children that the missing would subside. I thought I'd someday reach the end of the 'letting go'. That being away from them would get easier. But it doesn't. And in my head I know my girls are 21 and nearly 19. But my heart says something different.
I don't think a mom ever completely lets go.
And I don't think we want them to.

'And the seasons they go round and round,
And the painted ponies go up and down
We're captive on the carousel of time

We can't return we can only look
behind from where we came
and go round and round and round
in the circle game' Joni Mitchell


  1. Ahhh, I know, I know. My girls are 29 and 30, one married and the other ready to start her career and I still miss them. Sometimes I miss so much it makes my heart ache. The only time I am completely happy is when all three are together under one roof with me and their dad. No, I think you are right, we will never stop missing them. I am hoping that your next few months will fly by, so you will have the opportunity to see them soon.

  2. Bless your heart Mommy... I feel for you .. Been there ,done that 4 times...And I still miss them and as Gina says : I am only fully happy when they are all 4 home with me. Which is only at special occasions.
    Oh the things a mommy goes through loving her babies,Which they will always be.My oldest is 47 and the youngest is 34 ..I still miss them !!!

  3. It's so different with boys. When my boys would leave for Arkansas each fall, they would throw their stuff into their cars and head off on the 9 1/2 hour trip. They would have been horrified if Mom and Dad had gone with them. I know from my friends who have girls that it's way different with daughters.

  4. Okay, as a mama about to send her oldest to PreK, I am crying all over the place on this one.

    Hey, I tried to email you back re your comment on the blog today, but I keep getting it returned to me. Anyway, thanks for stopping by and sharing your insights on that. I totally agree with what you said!

  5. I've been fortunate so far that my kids live less than an hour away.
    I know things could change at any time so I'm not taking it for granted.
    Another blessing is that my mom lives two doors down.
    I feel just like you do. I don't care if I'm 90 years old, I'll always want to be near them.
    October will be here before you know it Joyce!

  6. What a sweet and precious post. I can really understand your heart- it's a mother's heart through and through. My kids are 13, 11, 9, 7, and 7 and just the other day I was calculating when I would possibly have an empty nest. It will be 9 years from now. One of my daughters said, "Mom, 9 years is a long time". Umm... no it's not. I don't like thinking of that time and, yes, I will miss them and long for them to be around just like you.

  7. Oh, I SO feel your pain. I still have about 4 weeks until mine leave but your post brings it closer. And yes, girls are SO different. Glad I only have the one. The Hubby thinks it should be "easier" this year. Clearly it's wishful thinking. Ha

  8. I don't think there will EVER be a day that I do not miss my girls being with me! I am happy for them to be successful and independent young ladies, but I miss them being at home and the joy and laughter of their voices in the house every day. Yes, there is texting, email, blogging, cell phones, etc., but it is just not the same as being with each other 24/7. Don't you agree?
    I know you will enjoy so much having your sweet Mom come visit next week and sharing some quality time together. I have loved being with my parents this week in the mountains. Time together with family is so precious!!! I sent an earlier comment, but I don't think it went through. Have a great day. I am chilling out in the mountains with my family and having a wonderful time!! Love & blessings from NC!

  9. Oh, do I feel your angst! My daughter is starting her senior year of college and not a day goes by that I don't miss being able to give her a hug. My son leaves next week and I cry every time I think about him. He laughs and hugs me. My one left at home will be a senior and then I must do this all again. I'm so very glad that they are only 3 1/2 hours away!
    As for "stuff" being moved to college. Girls have SO MUCH more into stuff than boys. It took us a full two days to set up her room, organizer her closet and bathroom and hang pictures when we moved her in her dorm. We then had to hit the stores for other things she needed. (after buying out all of the stores at home before she even moved in!) My son and I spent less than an entire afternoon getting his stuff and that included new clothes. As long as he has his big screen TV, Xbox and stereo, he's good to go. He insists that he will go to Target if he needs anything else. We only have to take two cars to move him in because I insist on going. He could probably do it all himself. TOO BAD!

  10. Joyce, I could have written this myself! I miss my two so much my heart feels like it's going to break sometimes...and I find myself often wishing I could do it all over again. At times, the emply nest feels lonely and I sure do miss all of the activity, yet I don't if you know what I mean!?! It's all just an adjustment.